Captain Falcon's Lady Quest
by Pear0dee
Summary: After Captain Falcon fails to get a date yet again, he decides to enlist the help of the other Smash residents. Will they actually help him? Will Captain Falcon finally get the girlfriend he is desperately hoping for?
1. The Struggle is Real

Welcome to Captain Falcon's Lady Quest. This is my first fanfic so please don't be too harsh on the reviews. Also, although the main focus will be on Captain Falcon and his attempts on getting a girlfriend, there will be other couples mentioned, including m/m and f/f couples.

Without further ado, please enjoy!

* * *

It was another fine morning in the Smash Mansion as Captain Falcon woke up and went to the bathroom to take his morning shower, brush his teeth and of course drop his daily deuce. After he was done, he went back to his room in order to change into his clothes. He put on his tight blue racing outfit, his red helmet, and his yellow gloves and boots. As he finished putting on his clothes, Captain Falcon took a look at himself in the mirror. " _Damn am I looking devilishly handsome today_ ," he thought to himself. " _There is no way the ladies will be able to reject me_." He then exited his bedroom and made his way to the cafeteria falcon kicking his way there.

As Captain Falcon arrived at the cafeteria, he quickly saw Peach, one of the targets of his affection. There was something about the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom that just seemed to get Falcon going. Maybe it was Peach's overall attractive looks, or her gorgeous pink dress that would show just enough ankle, or her beautiful blue eyes that just compounded her innocent princess image, although Falcon suspected that it was all just a facade, hiding a kinkier side in the bedroom. Well, whatever it was, Captain Falcon was in love. He quickly popped a breath mint into his mouth and then confidently sauntered his way over to the princess. "Why hello there Peach, you're looking quite stunning today," said Captain Falcon as he neared his target.

"Good morning Falcon, you're looking handsome today," replied Peach with a little giggle.

 _"Oh man, she just complimented me and did her cute little giggle, she wants me. Well time to reel her in. I'm going to bust out my new patented pick-up line that I've been practicing in front of my mirror for two days straight now."_ Captain Falcon cleared his throat and then exclaimed, "Show me your boobs!"

"Wait, what?" questioned Peach. "I hope you are kidding."

Captain Falcon smirked. He took one step forward and brought his hand in a bring it on gesture. "Come on!"

Peach smiled and then said in a sickingly sweet voice, "Well, alright then. But first I need to take a few steps closer to me."

Captain Falcon did a double take. He hadn't expected her to give in to him so easily. Then again ,with his bulging muscles and his falcon charm, he probably didn't need much to convince her with. He then made his way closer to Peach. _"Maybe she wants me to be closer in order to get a better look or maybe I'm getting a chance to motorboat. I must be the luckiest man alive."_ Unfortunately at this time, Peach grabbed him by the collar of his outfit and slapped him across the face, sending him flying to the other end of the cafeteria. Luckily for Captain Falcon, his flight was cushioned by a big blob of fat. As he recovered, he weakly called out, "So is that a no?" He then started to hear incessant sobbing. He quickly turned around and saw what he had flown into. It was a now crying King Dedede holding a slice of cheesecake which had landed on the floor during the ordeal. King Dedede turned and saw Captain Falcon lying on the ground next to him. He quickly grabbed his hammer and started to twirl it. " _Oh shit,_ " Captain Falcon thought to himself shortly before the first of many hammer strikes pounded his body.

* * *

"Well Captain Falcon, you're back after yet another failed attempt at hooking up with one of the ladies of Smash. Luckily you won't have to stay here for a few days unlike the time you tried to spy on Zelda while she was in the shower and then got caught by a very angry Samus," chided Dr. Mario as he addressed the now recovered Falcon after his beating. "Hopefully I won't be seeing you here again for the rest of the day, but knowing my luck you'll be back. Here are your discharge papers. I'm going back to groom my mustache." Dr. Mario then left the room.

Captain Falcon stretched out his body and groaned. He had failed to get a date with Peach yet again. He got up and made his way out of the infirmary. _"God I hate that place. That judgmental doctor always badmouthing me whenever he gets a chance."_ As he continued to walk he saw Princess Zelda and Samus exiting the training room. _"Oh boy, Zelda and Samus together. Has the goddess of love finally granted me my wish? Is it time for the Sacred Combo?"_ Of course Captain Falcon also had huge crushes on the other two ladies as well. There was Princess Zelda, looking so distinguished and regal in her attire. Those elvish ears, the pretty braided hair, the prim and proper attitude she had, Zelda had Captain Falcon spending many nights thinking about her And then there was Samus. The rough blonde who had the best body of the three ladies. She was currently wearing her tight fitting zero suit, which showed off that body along with her beautiful face. So athletic, so tough, Samus would have the endurance to last and the flexible body to maintain any position. Or so Captain Falcon hoped. Well it was show time. Although his previous pick-up line had failed earlier in the day, Captain Falcon knew that if laid out his falcon charm, he'd succeed. He raptor boosted his way toward the two ladies and yelled, "Show me your boobs!"

Samus and Zelda both turned around. Samus quickly reeled her fist back to give Captain Falcon's face a punch that would rival his own Falcon Punch, but was quickly stopped by Zelda. "Don't punch him, I don't want you to get into trouble," Zelda whispered into Samus's ear. She then addressed Falcon, "I'm flattered, but neither of us will be showing you our boobs. Ever. Now Samus and I have been training for a while and we've lost track of time. Can you tell us what time it is?"

"Certainly. It is... ménage à trois o' clock!" proclaimed Falcon. "Let's get it on!"

"Eck pervert!" squealed Zelda as she launched a din's fire at Captain Falcon. The ball of fire exploded upon contact with Captain Falcon, but much to Zelda's surprise, he remained unharmed and seemingly unaffected by the blast. "Hehe fireproof suit, I've learned my lesson from last time," said Captain Falcon. He then grabbed Zelda's wrist. "Now then, there is plenty of room in my Blue Falcon for the both of you ladies what do you say?" His question was promptly answered by a fist to the face.

Samus wasn't done though. She charged ahead. An elbow to the chin. A kick to the ribs. A knee to the groin. A snapped arm. Another fist to the face. A flurry of kicks to the chest. Yet another fist to the face. Captain Falcon now laid on the ground bleeding as a panting Samus stood over him. She went to give him another round, but before she could, Zelda quickly latched onto her arm and cried, "Please stop, if you keep going, he might die and then you might get kicked out of the Smash mansion. I don't want that to happen." Samus turned to look at the sobbing princess and sighed, "You're right. I'll stop. Let's get this idiot the infirmary. I'm pretty sure after this beating he'll finally stop hitting on us. Thanks, Zelda I nearly made a huge mistake."

"No problem," replied Zelda with a slight blush. "Then maybe we can go grab lunch together?"

* * *

"Holy moly!" exclaimed Dr. Mario as he saw the bleeding figure laying on the hospital bed. "What the hell happened here?"

"Well, he tried to hit on us again, I lost my cool and beat him to within an inch of his life," replied Samus.

"He had it coming," said Dr. Mario. "Well, great another mustache grooming session ruined by this idiot. Ladies, you're free to go. Dr. Mario then turned to the bed-ridden Captain Falcon and began to yell, "Jesus Effing Christ, this is the second time today and already the fifth time this week that you've been sent here because you hit on one the ladies! You need to stop doing this. You've already interrupted by mustache grooming session for the third time this month. You need to find a trained professional if you ever want to even have a chance in hell of getting laid. Now I'm gonna treat you, but if you find yourself back here because of your sick perverted ways, I will stick this syringe so far up your butt, you're gonna have to poop sideways. Now Captain Falcon was barely conscious for this part but he laid there on the bed, he did hear two words. Trained Professional. That was it. He could find a pro who could teach him the ways and then he could finally get a girlfriend.

After nearly a week in the hospital, Captain Falcon was finally healthy enough to leave. He had a new plan. He was going to find the most successful Smash resident in terms of getting in on with the ladies and then having him teach his ways. The only problem was how he was going to find that person. Captain Falcon didn't want to get too personal in case one of the Smashers got offended and beat him up. He decided to seek out the wisest resident, the one who knew everything.

"ROB, you got to help me out. Can you tell me which smasher has had the most success with ladies?"

"Certainly, let me scan my database. Database indicates that Roy has the most success with the ladies. He has seven wives," answered ROB.

"Seven wives!" exclaimed Captain Falcon. He really didn't have much interaction with Roy, but from the few melees he had with him, he always thought Roy was a bit of a pansy. But nevertheless, if he had seven wives, that had to mean that he was a real ladies man. "It's time, I will get Roy to teach me his ways and then I finally a girlfriend or maybe even a harem."


	2. Roy's Our Boy

More Falcon Lady Quest. Last time our hero struck out. Will he have any more success this time? Let's find out!

* * *

Captain Falcon raced his way towards Roy's room. He had never been more excited in his life. Roy was exactly the breakthrough he needed in order to get a date. As soon as he was in of the door to Roy's room, he immediately turned the handle, but nothing happened. The door was locked! However, Captain Falcon could hear what appeared to be classical music playing the background, which meant that Roy was probably in his room. _"I guess it's time for me to a dramatic entrance then. I have to impress Roy and make a good first impression. Knocking on the door normally wouldn't be enough._ Captain Falcon reared back his right fist. "Falcon PUNCH!" 

The door immediately blew off its hinge. Captain Falcon was greeted by an unexpected sight. Roy was naked... polishing his Sword of Seals. Roy turned around at the sudden noise and screamed, "What the... Captain Falcon why are you in my room? Get out! Get out!" He then threw a pillow at Captain Falcon. 

Ordinarily, this situation would've been enough to send any normal person scrambling away. Unfortunately for Roy, Captain Falcon was anything but normal. He calmly caught the pillow Roy had thrown at him and strode into the room. "Roy, I need your help. ROB told me you have seven wives. You're the only one with the skills who can help me get a girlfriend." 

Roy yelled, "Geez, I'm still naked, can't you wait a second while I go get some clothes?" 

Captain Falcon replied, "Why the need for clothes? We are two manly men discussing manly topics of utmost importance. It doesn't matter to me the state of dress you are in. As long as we can have this discussion." 

Roy yelled back, "Fine, let me just put on some pants then." He quickly found the closest pair of pants and put them on. "Now, tell me again, why on earth are you here and what was so important that you had to destroy my door and interrupt my swordplay? " 

Captain Falcon smiled and said, "I heard you have seven wives. You are a big ladies man, which means you have what it takes to help me get a girlfriend." 

Roy stared at Captain Falcon blankly. "Are you kidding me? You expect me to help you after you destroyed my door and interrupted my swordplay? I don't even have enough smash credits to pay for my door repairs thanks to that damn Pikachu. I'm probably going to have to be Pikachu's bitch for a week now just to get the money. Now leave me alone." 

Captain Falcon exclaimed, "Wait, I'll pay for the repairs. And I'll do anything you want. Just please help me get a girlfriend." 

Roy hesitated. "Anything?" he asked. Captain Falcon nodded. Roy thought to himself for a minute. _"Helping Captain Falcon is probably a lost cause. I've heard all of the horror stories. However, not having to go to Pikachu for smash credits is too tempting. That little rodent scares me."_ He asked, "Let me clarify, you do have the smash credits necessary to pay for my door correct? And you did say you'd do anything?" 

Captain Falcon answered, "Yes, I'll do anything and I do have the smash credits to pay for your door, even though Pikachu cleaned me out pretty good." 

Roy replied, "Very well. I'll help you get a girlfriend if you promise me that once you get a successful date, you'll steal her panties and give them to me. Also, when we go out to eat together, I want your dessert." 

Captain Falcon questioned, "Panties? Don't you have seven wives? Why would you need that?" 

Roy quickly fired back, "Do not ask questions! Do you agree?" 

Captain Falcon nodded his head and exclaimed, "Hell yea I agree. Let's go!" He tried to leave the room, but was quickly grabbed back in by Roy. Roy said, "Wait a minute. Let me get my shirt and then we are going to go eat lunch together. Today's dessert is apple pie and I'm ready for two slices."

* * *

"Look at that Pikachu, lying all sweet and smug on Samus' bosom," Captain Falcon angrily pointed out. Captain Falcon and Roy were both sitting in the cafeteria staring at the ladies table. Pikachu was currently resting on Samus' chest while Samus, Zelda, and Peach were busy chatting away. "Pikachu isn't a female. Why is he allowed at the table? Why does is he allowed to rest on Samus? Why can't that be me?" 

Roy sighed. "You're not a cute pokemon. Now then I figured we start off by maximizing your positive assets." He took a huge bite out of Captain Falcon's pie. "Look, we both know you really can't talk with the ladies. However, you do a have a good body." He paused as he noticed that Captain Falcon wasn't listening at all and was still giving Pikachu a death glare. "Are you listening to a word I'm saying?" 

"No? Look, I just really hate Pikachu. He has already made so much money from me from all those bets. He's flaunting that in front of me by lying on Samus' chest. Argh I just hate him so much!" Captain Falcon slammed his fist on the table. "Worst part is, he's also got money on the whole relationship betting pool. I need to get a date with one of the ladies or else he might end up winning the bet and then I'll be broke. But if I end up with any of the ladies, I'll get so much money and then I'll rub it in Pikachu's face." 

Roy hesitantly asked, "Please don't tell me you bet on yourself for all three of them?" Captain Falcon gave a thumps-up. Roy groaned and face-palmed. He knew about the relationship betting pool. The Smash residents aside from the woman all had a secret bet as to who the three ladies of Smash would end up with. Each smasher placed smash credits anonymously for whom they believed each woman would end with. However, since none of the ladies were in a known relationship, there hadn't been any payouts. Roy himself had placed plenty of money in the betting pool himself. Almost everyone had placed their money on Peach ending up with Mario. That one was pretty obvious. They had an obvious attraction to each other although neither had quite acted upon it. An attraction obvious to everyone except Captain Falcon. Zelda was also a pretty obvious one. A vast majority had placed their money on Link. Heck, Roy placed his money on Link. They did come from the same universe after all. There were a few dissenters though who bet on other Smashers. There was money placed on Wario, Luigi, Ike, and even on Samus. As for Samus herself, the betting was all over the place as no one really had any clue as to who she would end up with. At this point both Roy and Captain Falcon had finished their lunch. Roy turned to Captain Falcon and said, "Here is the plan, we are going to the gym at 5pm." 

Captain Falcon questioned, "Wait why the gym at 5pm? Isn't that the time when we're not suppose to go to the gym anymore because of the time Wario blew it up with a gigantic fart?" 

Roy chuckled. "I still can't believe Master Hand got away with that excuse. The truth of the matter is that 5 pm is when the ladies go to the gym to secretly work out. They wanted privacy so other people wouldn't ogle them, so Master Hand came up with that ridiculous story as a result to grant them their wish. So if we go to the gym at this time, you can impress the ladies there with your big bulging biceps, your thick muscular frame, and your sexy man legs. There will be no one there to interrupt you." 

Captain Falcon exclaimed, "That sounds like an excellent plan. But, just out of curiosity, how do you know about the girl's gym time? That sounds like information they wouldn't want anyone to know." 

After a moment's pause Roy finally replied, "You know how you got caught when you tried to sneak a peek at Zelda when she was in the shower?" Captain Falcon nodded. "Well, Snake succeeded." Before Captain Falcon could speak, Roy continued. "He not only succeeded with Zelda, but also with Samus, Peach, and even Nana. He also stalked them during their daily lives as well. However, he was eventually caught by Master Hand himself and is now banned for life from Smash. Fortunately for us, he was able to put together a secret schedule of what all the ladies do and when and he gave this to me shortly before he was banished. We were actually very good friends, it is a huge pity that Snake is gone now. He would've been a valuable asset in this quest." 

Captain Falcon was stunned. He had no idea that Snake and Roy were friends or that Snake was a massive pervert. He was also impressed that Snake was about to peep on the ladies, whereas he'd get the crap beaten out of him whenever he tried. There was still one question on his mind though. "Did Snake ever take any pictures?" 

Roy shook his head. "He never did." He turned to look at the clock. "Now, I did promise Marth I'd spar with him at this time. Let's meet at the gym at 5 and please don't try to hit on any of the ladies before then. I don't want you sent to the hospital wing before we even get a chance to start." He turned and walked away. 

Captain Falcon shrugged his shoulders and then proceeded to walk back towards his room. If he was about to show off to the ladies, he needed his beauty sleep. He turned his alarm for 4:30 and then fell asleep.

* * *

5:00 pm at the gym... 

"What is Captain Falcon doing here with Roy?" Samus whispered to Peach as she saw the two men walk into the gym. "Why are they here at this time?" 

"No idea, let's just ignore them. Now as I was saying about Zelda..."

* * *

"I'm pleasantly surprised you're here without incident," Roy said to Falcon as they entered the gym. Captain Falcon's eyes lit up as soon as he saw Samus and Peach together, Zelda absent from the group. Roy quickly noticed that Falcon's eyes were wandering and quickly pulled him back. "Wait, if you talk to them right now, they'll probably just leave. Let's just work out and show off your muscles." 

"B-b-b-but they're right there. I must make my move." Captain Falcon attempted to falcon dive his way toward the ladies but was pulled back by Roy. "Fine, let's go." 

As Captain Falcon and Roy made their way towards the weight machine, they saw another Smasher working out, which was a surprise considering only the ladies should've been at the gym. It was Ike, working out on a bench press machine. Captain Falcon's jaw dropped as he saw the blue haired swordsman work out. Although he didn't have much interaction with the Ike, he could've sworn Ike was a lot less muscular the last time he saw him. Last time he saw the bluenette, he was just a decently built man who overcompensated for his lack of real muscles with his grunting every time he lifted his sword. Now, Ike was a mountain of a man, which muscles so big that they put Captain Falcon's to shame. Roy murmured to Falcon, "Shoot, I forgot Ike's life is now the gym. He's going to make you look like a pansy if you work out next to him." 

Captain Falcon waved him off. "Don't be ridiculous, I'll be able to lift the weights as he can." He walked to Ike. "Hey Ike. Mind if I get a turn on the machine?" 

Ike turned to Captain Falcon. "Hey Captain Falcon and... Roy?" Roy waved his hand. "Well, that's a combination I didn't expect to see here. Yea, you can have a go on the machine. Make sure you adjust the weights though. " 

Captain Falcon laughed. "Don't worry I can handle it." He put himself into position and lifted the weight. Or at least tried to. Ike was lifting a more weight than Captain Falcon had anticipated. Captain Falcon used all of his strength to lift the bench press. Slowly he was able to lift it up, but as he turned to look at the ladies, he noticed that Samus was already turning to leave. Just then, the weight slipped out of Captain Falcon's grasp, crushing him underneath. 

Ike and Roy immediately came to Captain Falcon's rescue, removing the weight off of Captain Falcon's chest. "He looks like he is in major pain, we better get him to Dr. Mario." Each swordsman grabbed one end of Captain Falcon and lifted him up. "Hey, Peach mind getting the door?" 

Princess Peach opened the door, allowing the two swordsmen to continue their way towards Dr. Mario's office. Once they were out of sight, She took out a walkie-talkie. "The plan is in full effect. Soon they'll be together and we'll get our winnings." 

"Pika, pika, pikachu!" 

"Teehee, absolutely right Pikachu, absolutely right."


	3. Unintended Discoveries

Last time Roy had agreed to help Captain Falcon on his quest. Will he get Captain Falcon the girl this time around? Will Captain Falcon avoid getting his ass handed to him for one day? Find out in this exciting chapter of Captain Falcon's Lady Quest.

* * *

" _Ugh_ ," Captain Falcon thought to himself as he woke up the next morning on the hospital bed. His entire body was still sore from the workout ordeal. " _That is the last time I'm ever going to work out with Ike in the gym. Master Hand needs to start testing for steroids and performance enhancing drugs because Ike has got to be on something."_ He then heard Dr. Mario's voice. "Good morning Captain Falcon, you have a visitor."

 _"A visitor? Could I have a impression after all? Or is she coming to see me after she heard that I got hurt?"_ Captain Falcon decided that it really didn't matter as long as one of the ladies was coming to visit to him. "Send her in!"

"I didn't know I become a woman, " muttered Roy as the red-haired swordsman walked into the room. Captain Falcon's face instantly fell once he realized that it was just Roy visiting him and not one of the females. "Ike sends his condolences. How are you feeling?"

"Like Dedede and Bowser both decided to butt slam my chest at the same time."

"Well, the doctor says you're free to go whenever you want. Come, we have a lot of work to do."

* * *

"So, why are we at the shooting range?" asked Captain Falcon. "Where are the ladies at?"

"Patience. We're here to gather information. In order to score a date, you got to know what you're dealing with. Let's be honest. You probably don't really know anything about the women you're after. Captain Falcon opened his mouth to retort, but quickly realized that Roy was right. "Yea I thought so. I would've started off easy, but I think this is the only time I could definitely find him," said Roy as he looked across the room. "Yep, there he is."

Captain Falcon followed Roy's gaze. There was an anthromorphic fox holding a laser gun shooting each target as it popped up. "Fox McCloud?"

"Well, unlike Peach and Zelda, Samus doesn't have anybody here that hails from the same universe as her. However, I do know that Fox and Samus used to be sparring partners as well as shooting buddies at one point. I thought that if anyone knew anything about Samus, it would be him." Roy and Captain Falcon walked over to Fox. "Hi Fox."

Fox turned to look at the source of the noise. He put his gun back into its holster and replied, "Good morning Roy and Falcon. I heard about what happened to you in the gym yesterday. I hope you are feeling better."

"Still sore, but feeling a lot better. Thanks for asking," Captain Falcon answered back. "Now straight to business, You and Samus used to be sparring and shooting partners right?"

"Samus? Yea, we used to work out together. However, once Falco joined, he insisted that we shoot and spar together and that we didn't have room for a girl. A pity. Not much of a talker, but Samus sure knew how to fight. Heard she spars with Zelda now and shoots alone at the range. "

"A pity that you two stopped training together?" The first stirrings of jealousy began to well inside Captain Falcon's heart. "It seems as though you miss her. Do you have feelings for her or something?"

"What? No," Fox quickly denied. "Besides, I have a girlfriend now."

"Unbelievable!" Captain Falcon blurted out. " How can you have a girlfriend? You're not even a human. So, who is it then? Peach? Zelda? or is it Nana?"

Fox was speechless. Never in his life had he had to deal with this level of stupidity. He gave a quick glance to Roy, who merely shrugged his shoulders. He finally responded, "I'm a fox."

Captain Falcon gave him a questioning look. "So?"

Fox sighed. "So, when I'm looking for a girlfriend, I want a female fox. Not a human. That would be way too freaky for me." He pulled out his phone from his pocket and quickly showed it to Falcon. "See the wallpaper? That's my girlfriend, Krystal." He then put his phone back into his pocket.

Captain Falcon face palmed. He should've known that if Fox had a girlfriend, it would be a female fox. "Sorry for the accusation," Captain Falcon apologized. "I guess I got too riled up because I've been trying to score a date with one of them for so long and I just got frustrated."

"Apology accepted. So why are you actually here?"

"We were hoping you could tell us about Samus," Roy pitched in. "There isn't really anyone else who knows anything about Samus and since you're one of the few Smashers here who has had any interactions with her, I thought you could help Captain Falcon out?"

After a moment's hesitation, Fox finally replied, "Alright, I'll help you. Samus has been alone almost her whole entire life, so I thinking her having a boyfriend would be good for her. Based off what I know, I can tell you that..., oh shoot it's Falco, quick hide!"

"What's wrong with Falco? Isn't he your comrade in arms?" asked Roy.

Before could Fox could offer up an explanation, Falco strode into the room. His gaze quickly fell onto Roy and Captain Falcon. "Why are they here?" he angrily yelled, pointing at the two men. "Is this why you came to the shooting range thirty minutes early? So you can secretly rendezvous with these two idiots? Does our bromance mean nothing to you?" He suddenly gasped. "Wait, are you cheating on me? What happened to the promise you made me? Our secret alone time?"

Roy quickly motioned to Captain Falcon to leave the range. As they left, they could hear Fox and Falco continuing to bicker in the background.

* * *

"Well, that didn't work out as well as I hope," Roy said. Roy and Falcon were sitting in the common room. "I guess we'll ask about Peach next. There are plenty of fighters from the Mushroom Kingdom. The only question is who to ask. Mario would know the most about her. I just don't think it's a good idea to question a rival though. Bowser has kidnapped her a lot, but he intimidates me. Yoshi is a dinosaur, so I doubt there is much he can tell us. I guess that just leaves Luigi. Does that work for you?"

Captain Falcon nodded. Just then, Luigi walked into the common room. Captain Falcon quickly called out to him, "Luigi, hey Luigi!"

Luigi saw Captain Falcon and gave him a wave. He then walked towards the pair. "It's A Me, Luigi!"

"Luigi, I need your help. what can you tell me about Peach?"

"The princess?" Luigi put his hand onto his chin and thought to himself. After a minutes, he finally said, "Hmm... now that you mention it, I really don't know about Princess Peach. The only real interaction I ever get with her is when she gets kidnapped by Bowser and my brother and I have to rescue her. Even then it's usually Mario who spends time with her. I'm usually just the third wheel. I guess she does like cooking though. Whenever she hosts her annual Thank You For Rescuing Me Party, she is always talking about all the food she made. Especially her cakes. Man are her cakes delicious!"

"Is that all?" Captain Falcon was slightly disappointed. He had hoped that Luigi knew more about the Peach. "Do you anything about her likes or dislikes? Maybe other hobbies? Any secret crushes?"

"Well..." Luigi hesitated. "To be perfectly honest, aside from cooking I don't really know what else Peach likes to do. I do know about one of her dislikes though, but I'm not sure whether you want to hear it."

"Don't be shy Luigi. We are all friends here. We are after all two members of the Original Twelve. You can tell me anything. I'll get rid of the outsider." He quickly shushed at Roy and gestured to him to go away. Roy groaned and left the room.

"Um... ok. Peach dislikes...you."

"What! Me? How can this be? I'm strong. I'm handsome. How can she hate me?"

"Peach has called you a bumbling buffoon, a giant tool, an aggressive ape, a douchebag, a pervert and a whole bunch of other terrible names."

"Wait a second." Captain Falcon had a sudden epiphany. "She talks to you about me? That's means I'm in." He ran to tell Roy the good news.

* * *

"I don't think that's a good thing," Roy told Captain Falcon. They were in the cafeteria eating lunch.

"She talks about me to her friends though."

"Yea, she talks about how much she hates you. This is trouble. You've already dug yourself into a hole I'm not sure even I could get you out of. So far we've learned almost nothing about Samus and we know just how much Peach hates your guts. All that's left is Zelda now. I guess we need to talk to Link. Tread carefully though. They are good friends and I'm pretty sure Link likes Zelda. We need to be cautious. In other words, I'm doing all the talking this time. Hey, Link just walked in." Roy turned and waved to Link beckoning him over. "Yo Link."

The Hylian waved at Roy and went to sit next to the redhead. "Afternoon Roy. Captain Falcon. It's a bit of a surprise that the two of you would want to eat lunch with me. I can't complain though. It beats having to eating with Toon Link."

Roy chuckled and nervously scratched his hair. "Well, once you've clashed swords with someone, you form an unbreakable bond. So how are things between you and Zelda?"

"Zelda?" Link questioned. "Cool I guess."

"Any plans on asking her out? You two have known each other for a long time haven't you?

"What? No, our relationship will always be a platonic one. I value her friendship immensely, but I'm a man that will not be tied down by one woman. I've started my own harem, but Zelda didn't want anything to do with it."

"So you two aren't an item?"

Link shook his head. "Despite the whole hero rescuing princess, she really hasn't shown any romantic interest towards me. Like I said though, I've already moved on. Now Roy, you've got to tell me, how do you deal with your seven wives? I already got three and sometimes it can be a real hassle."

Roy began to respond, but Captain Falcon wasn't paying any attention. He was fuming inside. First Roy and now Link. The pansy elf with the green girly tunic managed to get three girls? The only good news was that Zelda was still available, but it was still outrageous that Link had three girls while he had none. Roy noticed that Captain Falcon was visibly shaking with rage, so he quickly said to Link, "Hey Link, listen. I need your help. I'm trying to help Captain Falcon here get a date with Zelda and I was hoping you could tell me about Zelda."

"I don't think the elders will react well if they found Zelda was in a relationship with a guy like Falcon. No offense. Not only that, they'd scold me for letting this happen. I'm going to need an incentive." Roy quickly whispered something into Link's ear. "Her panties? Alright you got yourself a deal. Let's see... Zelda enjoys reading, poetry, stargazing, horseback riding, and archery."

Captain Falcon interrupted. "Does she have anyone she's interested in. Maybe a macho racer?"

"Funny you should bring that up. She has actually mentioned that she is interested in a blonde. I quote, 'Blonde, hot, and nice butt'. Doesn't fit the description of any fighters here though. Maybe she found someone back in Hyrule? Well anyway..."

Captain Falcon froze. Interested in a blonde? Well, it wasn't Link and since Toon Link was basically Link, that meant he was out as well. Which only left... Captain Falcon rose from his chair and dashed out of the cafeteria, intent on teaching the blonde a lesson he wouldn't forget. Roy sighed and left to chase after him.

* * *

"Lucas!" Captain Falcon bellowed as he dashed down the hallway. He was going to pound that kid. How dare he use his boyish charms to seduce Zelda. As he turned the corner, he saw his target. He leapt into the air. "Falcon Punch!" He landed next to the blonde child, his fist crushing the ground next to him. "Tell me what magic power you used to bewitch Zelda you little prick!"

"What's going on?" whimpered Lucas.

Captain Falcon grabbed Lucas by the collar of his shirt and began pummeling him with his knee. "Don't play dumb with me boy. Tell me what you've done." He felt something wet on his knee. "Did you just pee yourself on my knee? How dare you disrespect the knee of justice!" He let go out Lucas, jumped and extended his knee hitting Lucas square in the face, causing the little blonde to fly across the hallway. He then falcon kicked his way towards Lucas and regrabbed him, pummeling him again and again with his knee.

Meanwhile Roy who had been chasing after Falcon had finally caught up. He immediately saw the scene playing out in front of him. "He's just a boy Falcon. He's just a boy!"

However, Captain Falcon wasn't listening. He was still pummeling Lucas, teaching the young boy that he couldn't steal his love. Roy grabbed Falcon by the back of his shirt, forcibly pulling him away. "Stop! He's just a boy."

"Let go of me Roy. I'm about to give the boy the spankings he deserves"

"Stop, think about it. How can a sophisticated woman like Zelda have feelings for a boy? She isn't a pedophile. Lastly, does Lucas look like he has a nice ass? C'mon man."

"Well, how do we know Zelda isn't a pedo? She could be a creeper or Lucas could've used his fancy powers to make her fall in love with him. How can we be sure?" Captain Falcon turned to look at Lucas, but instead was face to face with Master Hand. _"Crap."_

* * *

"Well, someone got the spanking of their life,"

"Shut up Roy. Those slaps really hurt. Not only that, Master Hand also took away a lot of my privileges. I can't go to Movie Night tonight." Captain Falcon was miffed. Movie Night was a weekly event that take place in the common room. Now Master Hand never showed any good movies, but there was free popcorn and Captain Falcon was a man who loved his popcorn. "I'm going back to my room."

Captain Falcon slowly limped his way towards his room. As he slowly made his way towards his room, he suddenly thought to himself _, "I got nothing accomplished today. It's time I take matters into my own hands. I'm going in."_ He switched directions, now going towards the women's wing. When he arrived, he immediately stopped at the first door. It was Zelda's. "I'm going to ask her about her crush myself." He thrusted his elbows onto the door, knocking the door down. Captain Falcon took a look inside and immediately gasped. Zelda was in her room, but she was not alone. She was currently locking lips with a blonde. As Captain Falcon took a clearer look, he soon saw a familiar ponytail. "Samus?"

Zelda and Samus froze. They both slowly turned around. Upon seeing who it was, Zelda immediately squealed, burying her face in Samus' neck. Samus snarled at Falcon, "You are not to tell anyone what you saw, are we clear?" Captain Falcon slowly nodded and walked out. He didn't want another beating today. As he walked out, images of what he had just saw crept into his mind. He fell back, blood gushing out of his nose. Meanwhile back in Zelda's room, Samus turned to Zelda, "Don't worry honey, he's gone now." Their lips met for another passionate kiss.

They were so enamored that they didn't notice a blue blur speed pass their doorway yelling, "Movie Night starts in fifteen minutes."

Sonic the Hedgehog being the fastest being in Smash made it his duty to remind everyone when Movie Night was about to start. As he dashed through the women's wing, he saw Samus and Zelda making out. Rather than continuing his reminders, he quickly turned back towards the common room, doing his very best to prevent the oncoming nosebleed. Sonic barely made it to the common room as he got out, "Samus...Zelda making out in her room. Hurry." He collapsed blood flowing out his nose like a waterfall. This news took a second to register in each Smasher's brain. Then, the light bulb went off inside each Smasher's head and they charged towards Zelda's room.

The first to arrive was Wolf. As he took a peek into the room, he saw that Sonic hadn't been lying. The two ladies were so busy making out that they didn't notice Wolf's presence. Wolf gaped at the scene playing out in front of him and then let out a howl as his nose started to heavily bleed. Samus and Zelda stopped kissing at the noise and turned to look at the doorway. They both gasped. Every Smasher was standing in the doorway. "Um...hi?"

Every male Smasher fell back, blooding gushing out of their noses. Roy, Link, Fox, Falco, it didn't matter . The only ones who were able to resist were Ness, Lucas, and Kirby who were too young to understand what was happening and Pikachu who was too busy celebrating. "Why are you so happy Pikachu?" Lucas asked.

"Because Pikachu and I just won the relationship pool bet," Peach quipped in. "We both put our money on Samus and Zelda getting together and looks right we were right. All that planning finally paid off. Now kids help me get everyone to the hospital."

* * *

"What's going on?" exclaimed Dr. Mario as Kirby carried the unconscious body of King Dedede into the infirmary, joining the rest of the Smash residents on the floor. "Why does everyone have a nosebleed?"

"They all saw Samus and Zelda making out," giggled Peach. Dr. Mario stared back blankly at Peach. Then as what she said registered in his brain, he flew back, blood running out of his nose.

"Mama Mia!"

* * *

Just a clarification for those who may not know, a nosebleed is commonly used in Japanese animes to signify sexual arousal. Also, please feel free to drop a review, even if its criticism. I'm a big boy, I can take it(I hope). Finally, if there is any Smash character you want to see make a more significant appearance, please feel free to let me know.


	4. A Lesson in Kidnapping

I have no comment...

* * *

"Wow, I still can't believe Zelda and Samus are a couple," Roy said to Falcon as they sat together in the cafeteria. They had finally recovered after the nosebleed debacle. "How does it feel knowing that you struck out so badly that two of your crushes ended up hooking up with each other?"

Captain Falcon groaned. "Dude, not funny. Man, you're supposed to be helping me out here, but so far you still haven't gotten me a girlfriend. In fact, I'm still getting sent to the infirmary at about the same rate as before I enlisted your help. I'm starting to think you have no idea what you are doing." Roy grabbed one of Falcon's cookies. "C'mon not the chocolate chip cookie. I need something to cheer me up, especially since I now owe Pikachu and Peach 100,000 smash credits each. I don't want to become Pikachu's bitch, it'll ruin whatever dignity I have left."

"Quit you whining, "reprimanded Roy. "I know what I'm doing. In fact, I've figured out a way to for you to get a date with Peach. We are going to stage a kidnapping."

"Stage a kidnapping? I don't like the sound of that."

"No, just hear me out. Whenever Mario rescues Peach after Bowser kidnaps her, what does he get? A kiss right? Therefore if we have someone pretend to kidnap her and then you come in and rescue her, she'll give you a kiss. You can then turn that kiss into a date if you play your cards right. The only problem right now is that I need to find someone who is willing to pretend to kidnap her."

"Can't we just ask Bowser?"

"No, Bowser is too intimidating. Besides, he does it so often that I'm sure Mario probably has tabs on him at this point. I don't want Mario to interfere. I have someone else in mind."

* * *

"You want me to do what?" Fox exclaimed. Roy and Captain Falcon were now at the shooting range. "Let me guess this straight, you want me to kidnap Peach? Why ask me? I'm not even a villain. Why don't you ask Bowser or Ganondorf or something? Look, you guys shouldn't even be here. Falco is going to be here any minute."

"Well, you are a fox," Captain Falcon said. "Isn't that what animals do?"

"No! Besides, why would I want to kidnap Peach? I already have a girlfriend. If you wanted a villainous animal, you should be asking Wolf. Too bad he is still in the hospital."

"What happened to Wolf?" asked Roy.

"The Samus-Zelda makeout session affected him especially hard. Despite being a yuri otaku, Wolf's body was not ready. He is still out cold from all the blood loss. Dr. Mario gives him daily blood transfusions to keep him alive. Ah well he got what he deserved. Yaoi is way more superior. It's too bad that idiot never saw the light."

"Wait a second, don't tell me you guys are rivals because of what type of manga you enjoy? And how did you get knocked out then by their kiss? "

"Precisely the reason. Falco also enjoys yaoi. We actually first met over our mutual love for yaoi. As for Samus and Zelda's kiss, it was still hot. So sue me. Falco also got knocked out as well. Speak of the devil, Falco is coming, get out of here before you guys get me in trouble again. Oh no, it's too late."

"Fox, I can't leave you out of my sight for a second can I?" Falco angrily yelled. "What happened to our bromance? First Krystal and now I see you with Roy and Captain Falcon again. I had a bromantic afternoon all planned out and I see you trying to arrange a threesome without me. We are suppose to be bros." He now turned to look at Roy and Falcon. "And you two home wreckers. I don't want to see you two near my Fox."

"Falco, I've told you. We are still bros and for the last time, Krystal is my girlfriend. I have to spend time with her."

"Bros before hoes!"

"Let's get out here," Roy whispered to Captain Falcon. The two men left the shooting range, leaving Fox and Falco to work out their awkward relationship.

* * *

"It took some arranging, but I found someone willing to pretend to kidnap Peach for us." It was lunchtime and Roy and Falcon were sitting together again. "I really hope this works. If you make Peach your girlfriend, that means you'd win all the smash credits everyone bet on Mario. You can pay off both our debts to Pikachu."

"Who did you get? "Falcon asked.

"Ike agreed to do it under the condition that his debt to Pikachu also gets paid off. I think he still feels partially responsible for sending you to the hospital when the weight fell on you. Now here is the plan: Peach has her teatime at 2 pm. Ike will intercept her on her way and make his way towards the garden. You'll camp there. The second Ike shows up with the princess in tow, you jump out, spout some cheesy lines and then falcon punch him away. Peach will reward her savior aka you with a kiss. She'll be so impressed with what you've done that when you ask her out on a date afterwards, she'll say yes. I'll be hiding in a bush and will take a picture of the kiss which'll be enough proof for you to get your bet winnings. Then we'll all be free from Pikachu's tyrannical reign, you'll have a girlfriend, Ike's conscious will be cleared, and I'll have a fresh pair of panties to sniff."

"What was that last part? Is that what you wanted to do with the panties? I thought you just wanted them for some sort of collection or something."

"Never mind," Roy quickly stammered. "Are you on board?"

"Hm... I'm not quite sure Ike is princess kidnapper material. I mean if I beat him up, that isn't going to be anything impressive. He is just another human. I mean Mario rescues her from Bowser, who is like three times his size. Couldn't you get Ganondorf or something? He's pretty intimidating."

"I tried to get him, but when it comes to princess kidnapping, he is monogamous. Besides, he is afraid Samus will come and kick his ass. Ike is the only guy I got. Besides, he is pretty jacked, still looks good if you beat him."

"Alright then. Give me ten minutes to practice some lines in front of my mirror and then I'll be waiting in the garden for your cue."

* * *

"Eek, help me," Peach cried out as she was suddenly grabbed. She was on her way to her weekly teatime when next thing she knew, she was lifted upon a set of burly shoulders and going the complete opposite way. "Let me down! Ike what are you doing?"

"Sorry princess. Some people will do anything for money. In my case, it's kidnapping." Ike continue to run towards the garden. As he neared the garden he yelled, " Once we are in the garden, I'm going to give you the spanking of your life." Ordinarily Ike would never say anything so lewd in public, but that was the verbal cue to Falcon that he and Roy had agreed upon. " _Man the things I'd do for money..."_

Meanwhile Captain Falcon was waiting in the garden practicing his push-ups. As he lowered his body to complete his set, he heard Ike's proclamation. That was the cue. He got up, popped a breath mint in his mouth and pulled out his handheld mirror to make sure he looked his very best. Satisfied with what he saw, Captain Falcon adjusted his outfit and prepared his game winning smile. It was ShowTime! As Ike charged his way into the garden, Captain Falcon leapt up into the air and shouted, "How dare you threaten the lady with a spanking you pervert! Prepare to taste the wrath of my sexy man legs!" He came down with his falcon kick intending on knocking out Ike. Unfortunately for the Captain, he miscalculated the timing and location. Instead of nailing Ike on the head, his falcon kick landed on Peach's bottom knocking her out of Ike's grasp. Captain Falcon turned to Ike, "You idiot, you screwed up the entire plan."

Ike yelled back, "Hey, I did what I was told. I grabbed the princess, ran to the garden, spouted some embarrassing stuff and let myself get hit by you. I can't help it if your aim sucks."

"I know for a fact you intentionally sidestepped at the last second to make me look like a fool. I'm going to pound you."

"Prepare yourself." Ike lifted his great sword, intent on chopping off Falcon's balls and ending this game. If he hurried, he could still make it in time for My Little Pony. However both fighters were so preoccupied with each that neither noticed an impending shadow over them. "Who dares to kidnap Peach in my presence," roared Bowser as he bowser bombed his way towards the two fighters." He landed on Ike with a mighty thud, the impact of his fall also sending Captain Falcon back. "Captain Falcon, why am I not surprised?"

"Wait, it's not what it looks like. I didn't kidnap Peach. It was all Ike. I was trying to rescue her."

"Bowser?" Peach inquired. "What are you doing here?"

"No one gets to kidnap you but me! Now was Captain Douchebag here responsible for this? Don't worry, I'll roast him to a crisp." Bowser opened his mouth, preparing his mighty fire breath.

"Wait," exclaimed Roy as he jumped out of his hiding spot. "I can explain. I had Ike pretend to kidnap so that Captain Falcon could impress Peach by rescuing her. I didn't expect a fight to break out or anything. Besides, don't you kidnap Peach because you like her."

"No. I'm actually married," replied Bowser. "In fact I have eight kids. I only kidnap Peach just so my wife thinks I'm not a pansy who doesn't try to expand his kingdom and take action. Then I let Mario comes in, rescue the princess and I get my slice of Peach's cake. I get beat up, but at least my wife thinks I'm trying and I get to eat that delicious cake. All I really want to do is just chill in my kingdom and watch TV."

"And I agreed to be kidnapped to get Mario's attention," Peach added in. "If I don't get kidnapped, then Mario would never pay any attention to me. I then reward with a kiss hoping he'd take the bait and ask me out, but he still hasn't had the courage to ask me out yet."

"Wait, so all the kidnappings are just publicity stunts just so you can get cake?" asked Roy. Bowser and Peach both nodded. Just then Mario arrived on the scene. " It's A Me A Mario! Did Bowser you kidnap the princess again? Don't worry Peach I'll save you." Bowser sighed as he let Mario's fist collide with his face sending him flying out of the garden. As he was sent flying, Bowser gave Peach a discrete thumbs up. Peach giggled and winked back. Mario cleared his throat, "Princess, it is time for my kiss." Peach bent down to give Mario a kiss on his nose, but was instead met with Mario's lips. "Princess, after seeing Zelda and Samus affirm their feelings for each other, I realized that I too needed to be brave and admit my feelings. Will you go on a date with me?"

"Absolutely," replied Peach. She gave Mario another kiss.

"NOOOOOOOO!" exclaimed Captain Falcon. "I've officially struck out!" After this realization, he blacked out.

* * *

"Well, you're finally up again," Roy said to Captain Falcon. Captain Falcon was resting on the hospital bed. "Looks like all three ladies are officially taken. Captain Falcon groaned. "Don't worry, I come bearing some good news. Master Hand has released the full roster for the next tournament."

"So what? He'll just put in like one or two more ladies who'll just flat out reject me. I'm a loser. I might as well change my name to Captain Failure."

"Don't say that. I'll get you a girl or I'll die trying. I swear. There is going to be six ladies for you to woo. You will get one. I believe."

"Six girls huh... alright I'm in. Let's go figure out a plan."


	5. Pika Power

Here is the next chapter of Captain Falcon's Lady Quest. I wanted to post this earlier, but I kind of forgot...

* * *

Captain Falcon woke up the next morning energized and refreshed. Although all three of the Smash ladies were all in a relationship, the news that six new women were going to be moving into the Smash Mansion was enough to offset that fact. Not only that, this was the first morning in a while that Captain Falcon woke up in his own room rather than in the hospital wing. He quickly went through his daily routine and then falcon kicked towards Roy's room. Captain Falcon wanted to meet up with Roy as soon as possible to work out a plan together to get a girlfriend. As he arrived at Roy's room, he saw that Roy was already waiting for him. "Morning Roy," greeted Captain Falcon. "Are you ready?"

"Yep, Let's go get breakfast. " As they made their way to the cafeteria, Roy continued, "Now, we have a week until the all the new fighters arrive at the mansion. We'll start with some reconnaissance. I really don't know anything about any of the new fighters even though two of them come from the same universe as me. However, I've got a brilliant plan to get all the information we need. I can't believe I didn't think of this before, but all we need to do is ask ROB. He knows everything."

"ROB? Of course. He was the one who told me that you had seven wives. Why didn't we ask him before?" Captain Falcon smacked himself on the forehead. "Alright, let me eat my waffles and then we'll talk to ROB."

After wolfing down his waffles, Captain Falcon leapt from the table and began looking around for ROB. Fortunately after a few minutes, Captain Falcon found ROB wandering around in a hallway sweeping the floor with a broom. "ROB. Please help me. Tell me everything you know about the new female fighters." ROB stood there blankly. "Er...ROB? Did you hear me? Are you turned on?"

Finally, ROB began to beep. "Master Hand has forbade me from divulging any information regarding any of the new fighters. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to continue sweeping the floor and then I have to clean the toilets. "

"Come on ROB. Is there anything I can do so that you can tell me about the ladies?"

ROB began to beep again. After a moment, ROB pulled out a plunger. "If you agree to clean all the toilets for today, I'll tell you about the new female fighters."

"I have to clean the toilets? Aren't the Mario brothers plumbers? Why can't they clean the toilets. Ugh... alright, I'll do it."

"Very well. Scanning databases... The first fighter I have found is Lucina. She is a swordfighter that idolizes Marth. In fact, she has traveled back in time and disguised herself as him."

"Wait a second," interrupted Captain Falcon. "Isn't she the chick I had to fight in order to see whether she could participate in the tournament? She's pretty hot."

"Yea, that was her," said Roy as he arrived on the scene. "Geez, Captain Falcon can't you let a man finish his breakfast burrito? I had to take a massive dump afterwards. I feel sorry for whoever has to clean the bathrooms later." Captain Falcon groaned. "By the way, didn't you also Falcon Punch Lucina's father?"

Captain Falcon groaned again. "Shoot, I did. I was going to finish off Lucina and then make her go out on a date with me, but then some blonde robed buffoon saved her. Great, not only did I knock out her father, but she was rescued by some hunk whose probably her boyfriend. This sucks. Who is next?"

"The next fighter is Palutena. She is known as the Goddess of Light and the ruler of Angel Land. She is the one responsible for many of Pit's powers and is a mother figure to the young boy. She is also quite mischievous and playful and very intelligent."

"A goddess? I don't think you have a shot Falcon."

"Don't be ridiculous Roy. I got what it takes. I'm sure she'll be quite receptive of all my flirting. Did you say she was like a mother to Pit?" ROB nodded. "I guess I also need to get on Pot's good side as well. That is going to be hard though. That brat has a voice that rivals Sonic's in terms of annoyingness and all he ever does when we fight is shoot his sissy arrows and spin his pussy bow whenever I get close. But I'm willing to do what it takes to get on Palutena's good side in order to score a date."

"The next fighter is Robin. The female counterpart to the robed man you've already fought Falcon. Smart, witty, a master tactician."

"Hold up, there is a female version of the robed idiot who cockblocked me?" I don't think I'd feel comfortable dating a female variation of a male character. Then again, I'm so desperate at this point that I'd do it anyway. Tell me about the next fighter."

"The next fighter is Rosalina and Luma. She is responsible for watching over the cosmos and commands the Comet Observatory. Lumas are star-like creatures whom Rosalina can command. During one of Mario's adventures, she helped aid him when Bowser kidnapped Peach and tried to take over the universe."

"I sure hope she doesn't have a crush of Mario," said Captain Falcon. "Even if she does though, I'll be able to cheer her back up once she finds out Peach and Mario are already dating."

"That's silly, we don't even know if she likes Mario," said Roy. "Oh man, so far I don't think you have a shot with any of these women."

"The next fighter is the female villager. The female villager lives a carefree life and is very handy with a whole bunch of tools and equipment."

"Is that all?" asked Falcon. ROB nodded. "I feel as though you are holding out on me."

"Sorry Falcon, this is all the information I currently have in my database. Master Hand will not be fully updating the information until the night before all the next fighters arrive. The last fighter is the female Wii fitness trainer. She loves yoga, healthy diets, and exercising."

"She works out a lot huh? Her body must be dynamite! I hope she is a good looker as well. Alright, thanks for your help ROB. Roy, with this information, how do you think we should proceed."

Well, I think we should..." began Roy before he was interrupted by more beeping. ROB turned to Falcon and held out the plunger. Falcon sighed and grabbed the plunger from the robot's hand. ROB beeped again before waving his hand at the two fighters and walking down the hallway. "What is going on? Why did he give you a plunger?"

"I promised ROB that I'd help him clean the toilets in exchange for the information. Not the best trade, but I'm very desperate and I'm very horny."

"Um... how about this then. You clean the toilets as promised. I'll be my room thinking of some grand schemes which will help you get a girl. Once your done doing your duty." Roy chuckled to himself. "Duty? hahaha I'm so funny. Anyways, once you are done with the toilets, just meet me in my room. Also as a warning, I left quite the surprise in the 1st floor bathroom. Proceed with caution. Oh, I also saw Bowser enter the creature bathroom shortly after I left. Have fun!" Roy laughed to himself before heading towards his room.

Captain Falcon swore to himself. He then slowly made his way to the 1st floor men's bathroom and started cleaning the toilet."

* * *

"I'm going to kill ROB," groaned Captain Falcon as he exited the creature bathroom. He never knew just how much poop King Koopa could leave behind, but having to deal with a mountain of koopa feces was not how he wanted to spend his morning. "At least I'm finally done cleaning all the bathrooms. I guess it's time to go to Roy's then. He better have come up with a good plan." As he began to make his way up to Roy's room, he was suddenly interrupted by a familiar mouse creature. "Pikachu? What are you doing here? Are you going to the bathroom? I just cleaned it."

Pikachu shook his head. "Pika pika pika, pikachu, pikachu!"

 _"Shoot, I don't understand Poketalk,"_ Captain Falcon thought to himself. "Um... hi?" Pikachu continued to bamble out his name. "I don't understand what you are saying Pikachu. I don't know Pikanese."

"I can understand Pikachu. Actually we both can," rang out a feminine voice. Captain Falcon turned around. It was Zelda followed closely by Samus. "The Triforce of Wisdom allows me to understand and interact with all beings, including the Pokémon. As for Samus, she had a translator in her power suit which could interpret what Pikachu was saying, but over time she has come to understand what Pikachu is saying without the need of the suit." Zelda beckoned to Pikachu. "Hi Pikachu, what do want from Captain Falcon?" Pikachu happily cried out its name before jumping into the arms of Samus and began nuzzling in her arms. Pikachu then began saying its name repeatedly. Zelda listened to each word and then nodded. She turned to Falcon and said, "Pikachu is trying to say that you still owe him quite a bit of smash credits from a bet and he demands his payment."

"Please give me a little more time! I can get you your money I swear!" Pikachu began repeating its name again. "What is he saying?"

Zelda replied, "Pikachu says that if you want to cut your debt to him by half, you'll follow him to his room." Pikachu began to giggle. "He also says that you'll have to also follow his orders for a week."

"An entire week?" exclaimed Falcon. Zelda nodded. "Ugh, I guess I'll have to follow him then." Pikachu began to dance. "Alright let's go and get this over with." He gave a sad wave to the two ladies and began to follow the mouse to his room. As the two fighters approached Pikachu's room, Captain Falcon could hear strange noises coming out of the door. "What is going on in there?" Pikachu didn't respond. Instead the mouse did a small bow and gestured towards the door. Captain Falcon hesitated. He let out a long breath before opening the door.

Captain Falcon gasped. It was complete chaos in Pikachu's room. There was Boswer, wearing a pink bikini and speedo while hola hooping in the center of the room. Captain Falcon continued to look around the room. There was Luigi giving a piggyback ride to Squirtle, who was currently wearing a set of sunglasses and Wario's hat. There was Fox and Falco who were both bent over, receiving spankings from a smiling Jigglypuff. Finally, Captain Falcon's eyes rested upon a familiar looking redhead who was currently doing push-ups, while a smaller yellow mouse was jumping up and down on his back. "Roy? Did Pikachu get you too?"

Roy let out a audible groan. "Yea, I owe him money as well. I have to do 100 push-ups while Pichu jumps around on my back. Could be worse though. At least I'm not getting spanked by Jigglypuff."

Captain Falcon asked, "How did this happen?"

"I was in my room coming up with my plan when Pikachu comes barging into my room demanding his money. I don't have any so he forces me to be his bitch for the week. He currently has a rotation going on, seeing as having so many Smashers doing his bidding at once is too much work for Pikachu. Seeing as you are here, I guess you are part of the second shift." Just then, a whistling noise was heard in the background. Roy turned around. Peach was sitting on King Dedede's belly beckoning the swordsman forward. "Princess Peach, I assume you want me to get your tea time ready for you." Peach giggled and nodded. "Alright, I'll get it then, but what about Pichu?"

Pikachu entered the room. He immediately went up to Peach and began speaking gesturing at Captain Falcon. Peach replied, "Well Captain Falcon will take over your role while you are getting my teatime ready. Come on Falcon, get down and give me twenty."

* * *

"Oh my god, this day has been terrible!" exclaimed Captain Falcon as he and Roy finally sat down in the cafeteria to eat dinner. Pikachu had finally let them go after six hours of forced servitude. "I can't believe Pikachu made me sumo with Charizard during the ladies' teatime. All he let me wear was a small pair of tighty whities."

"You thought that was bad? Pikachu made me clean up Pichu's mess after he accidentally peed on the floor," complained Roy.

"What? That is all? I spent the morning having the clean the bathroom after Bowser was done with it. How can you compare a little mouse's mess to a gigantic turtle's massive dump? Also we haven't been able to discuss what we are going to do about the new fighters coming in."

Roy thought to himself for a moment. Then he replied, "To be honest, I really don't think there is too much we can do before the new females arrive. ROB didn't really provide enough information for me to come up with a good plan. We'll just have to wait for them to arrive and figure out if any of them are already taken and then go from there." Roy took a bite out of his dinner. "Besides we really don't have much time right now to think of any new scheme with Pikachu being able to order us around for a week. That rat has the face of an angel but the mind of the devil."

"Tell me about it," Captain Falcon agreed as he rubbed his sore abs. "Man, if only I had been able to seduce even one of the ladies, we all wouldn't be in this position right now."

"Teehee, you actually thought you had a shot, that's funny," giggled Peach as she just happened to walk by, holding a napping Pikachu in her arms. "By the way, thanks for the entertainment during my teatime."

"What do you mean I didn't have a shot?" questioned Falcon. "I'm a macho man with bulging muscles, the coolest moves, all of the fanboys, and a silver tongue. Tell me what lady can resist me?"

"Apparently every lady," replied Peach. "You are the biggest idiot in the mansion. Even though you were chasing after Zelda and Samus, you never realized that Pikachu and I were bringing the two together the whole time. And of course you never even realized that I had the biggest crush on Mario."

"So you were the one who got Zelda and Samus together," said Roy. "I should've known there was some sort of tampering involved. What are you even doing here anyways? Just here to mock us?"

"I'm here to actually give you Pikachu's next orders. He wants Captain Falcon as a chair for when he watches TV later tonight. As for you Roy, Pikachu wants you to rest. He's got a big day planned for you tomorrow. Maybe you can use that time to come up with a plan for Falcon that won't completely fall apart. Then again, I don't think you'll be able to."

"What are you talking about?" interrupted Captain Falcon. "My boy has got seven wives, he'll find a way to get me a girlfriend."

"His wives? You mean the women who were forced to marry him because they had no other choice?" Peach giggled. "Well, I'm going to drop Pikachu off to his room now. Captain Falcon, you need to be there in five minutes... or else." Peach then walked away.

Captain Falcon was flabbergasted. His entire image of Roy was broken. Roy began to speak, but Captain Falcon put his hand. "I don't want to talk to you right now. You lied to me. I thought you were some amazing playboy, but you're just a rapist. I'm done with you." He walked out, tears streaming down his face. Now he was never going to get a girlfriend...

* * *

The plot thickens...Please review.


	6. Reconciliation

Here is the next chapter of Captain Falcon's Lady Quest. Please enjoy!

* * *

Captain Falcon sighed as he got up from his bed. It had been three days since he found out that Roy was a big fraud. He had put all his hopes and dreams on the young man only to see them shattered. Roy was suppose to be his savior, the ladies man who would help him get his own. But alas, some things are too good to be true. Captain Falcon sighed again and then made his way down to the cafeteria to get some breakfast. He was suppose to report to Pikachu's room first, but Pikachu had decided to give all the fighters a one day break after Wario had let loose a massive fart, sending poor Pichu to the hospital. Pikachu was so irate with the man that he decided that he needed a full day of his undivided attention to give Wario the punishment he deserved.

As Captain Falcon arrived at the cafeteria, he saw Roy at an empty table waving him over. Captain Falcon ignored the redhead and instead went over to the other side of the cafeteria where he saw an empty seat next to Fox. He walked down and sat down next to Fox. "Morning Fox, is Falco going to be here as well? If so, I can always change seats."

Fox shook his head. "Nah, Falco also got caught in the after blast of Wario's fart. He is still out cold in his room. He won't be up for another few hours. Anyways I've heard you have been avoiding Roy the past few days? I thought you two were now best buddies? What's going on?" Captain Falcon told Fox what Peach had told him about Roy and how Roy had in fact forced seven women to marry him. Fox scratched his head. "That doesn't sound right. Roy doesn't seem like the type of guy who would just force women against their will. Have you tried talking to him and figuring this all out?"

"What is there to say? I'm not going to talk with a cheat. He has already lied to me once. What is preventing him from lying to me again?"

"Oh come on. You're being ridiculous Falcon. Just talk to him. Be a man, do the right thing."

"Never!" shouted Captain Falcon. As he was about to continue the agreement, he was suddenly grabbed by the cuff of his shirt. He turned around and met the gaze of Falco. "I thought you weren't suppose to be up for another few hours."

"When you have a bromance as strong as the one Fox and I have, you share a special bond together. As soon as you started making a move on Fox, my bromantic senses started tingling. I sprung out of bed and rushed here as fast as I could. Looks like I made it in time."

"Come on Falco, we were just talking," said Fox. "Captain Falcon is having some problems with Roy and he was asking me for advice."

"Well, if he is looking for a rebound bro, he sure as hell ain't asking you!" shouted Falco. "I already warned him what would happen if I caught the two of you alone." Falco reared back his foot and then kicked Captain Falcon in the crotch."

"Agh!" Captain Falcon howled in pain. "Are you serious? What is your problem?"

"I'll tell you what my problem is. A few years back, you and Fox pulled off the world famous Wombo Combo. I'm supposed to be Fox's best bro, but yet you created something so beautiful. You took all of my glory. If it had been me, this would've been the crowning moment of my bromance."

"For the last time Falco, you are taking our bromance way too far. I have a girlfriend for god's sakes."

"Your girlfriend?" questioned Falco. "You mean Krystal, the woman who can't even make a proper sandwich?"

"I'll have you know my girlfriend makes a fantastic panini!" argued Fox. The two anthromorphic animals continued to argue, ignoring Captain Falcon. Captain Falcon shrugged his shoulders, quickly finished what remained of his breakfast, and then walked out of the room. He didn't want to get any more involved in the couple's dispute. As he was leaving, he heard Fox shout out, "Just talk to Roy."

Captain Falcon sighed again. As he left the cafeteria, he saw Roy and Pit in the midst of a heated discussion. Captain Falcon walked by the two without giving Roy even a single glance . He continued to make his way back to his room. Seeing as there were no women to woo and no plans to be made, Captain Falcon really had nothing else to do. However, as Captain Falcon was approaching his room, he found his way blocked by Pikachu. Or more accurately, a blue party hat wearing Pikachu currently riding a leashed Wario down on all fours. "Pikachu, why are in front of my room. I thought everyone had a break today."

Pikachu smirked. "Pika pika pikachu!"

"I already told you, I don't understand you Pikachu."

"But, I can," rang out a new voice. Captain Falcon turned around. It was Princess Peach. "Pikachu wants you to be his jester. You see he already has Wario as his personal horsie. However, Pikachu needs another form of entertainment."

"You vile harpie!" Captain Falcon yelled. "That can't be what Pikachu wants." He turned to Pikachu. However, Pikachu was pointing at Peach and nodding. "Oh come on. Why me?"

"Because Pikachu finds you amusing," Peach said. Pikachu nodded in agreement and then whispered in to Peach's ear. Peach turned to Captain Falcon. "Pikachu's first order is for you to change into your Captain Fabulous costume." Captain Falcon groaned. He hated his Captain Fabulous costume. The white and pink costume was the most emasculating outfit he had. In fact , the only reason he even owned it was because he had already lost a previous bet to Pikachu. Captain Falcon went into his room and quickly changed into the new outfit. Captain Falcon took one last look at himself in the mirror, sighed, and then mentally prepared himself for whatever Pikachu had prepared for him before leaving his room.

As soon as Captain Falcon walked out of his room, Pikachu took one look at him and began laughing. Peach joined in as well. After a couple of minutes, the two Smashers managed to finally stop laughing when they looked at Captain Falcon. Peach said to Captain Falcon, "Ok, now we are going to the common room. When we get there, Pikachu wants you to go up to Falco and give him a lapdance." Captain Falcon looked at the princess blankly. "Are you serious?" Peach replied, "We are most definitely serious. Now, off we go." Peach began making her way to the common room. Pikachu wacked Wario in the butt signaling him to begin crawling down to the common room as well. Captain Falcon reluctantly followed.

Captain Falcon prayed that when he arrived at the common room, noone would be there. However, as he entered, he saw that the room was nearly packed. In the center of the room sat Falco. As Peach and Pikachu entered the room, Falco angrily asked, "What is going on? Where is this big surprise you had prepared for me? I've been sitting in this chair for the past fifteen minutes now."

Peach giggled. "It's right here!" She snapped her fingers. "Sexy Back" immediately started blazing in the background. "What on earth...?" Falco wondered aloud. Meanwhile, Captain Falcon gave Pikachu a quick glare. Pikachu glared back. Captain Falcon quickly gave a quick prayer and then sauntered over to Falco. He immediately turned so that his behind was facing Falco and began shaking his butt. Falco exclaimed, "Ah hell no!" and immediately tried to get up from his chair, only to be held down by Bowser. "Let me go!" he pleaded, though the plea was ignored.

At this moment, Fox barged into the room. "Hey Falco, I got that book you were looking for... what the heck is going on?" Falco looked at Fox and cried out, "This isn't what it looks like, I swear!" Fox merely stared at Falco, too confused at the scene playing out in front of him. As Captain Falcon continued to dance, Peach yelled out, "Drop the pants! Let's see what you're working with!" Captain Falcon slowly began to fiddle with the top of his pants. Seeing this, Falco began to struggle harder. "I'm done with this!" He charged up his fire bird, the heat searing Bowser's hand, forcing the Koopa king to let him go. He then kicked Falcon with all of his might, sending the poor Captain flying across the room. Falco leapt towards Fox, "I don't know what happened, the music just started play and Captain Falcon just started to grind on me. I didn't want any of this to happen man. Our bromance is still cool right?" Fox was still incredibly confused and just nodded his head and left the room, with a still begging Falco trailing him.

Pikachu and Peach went over to the unconscious Captain Falcon. "Oh dear he is out cold. We better get him to Dr. Mario."

* * *

"Why do my moustache grooming sessions always get interrupted?" bemoaned Dr. Mario as he saw Bowser and Peach bring in the body of Captain Falcon. "Great, it's this idiot again. It has been less than a week since he was last been here. Alright bring him over."

A few hours later, Captain Falcon finally came to. As he looked around, he saw that he was not alone. Fox, Falco, and Pikachu, who was still riding Wario, were all by his bedside. "What happened? Why am I in the hospital?"

Falco was the first to respond. "I kind of kicked you really hard after you were about to pull down your pants in front of my junk. Although I now know it was all a prank by Pikachu." He glared at the yellow Pokémon. "Well I guess I owe you an apology for kicking you so hard."

"Apology accepted," Captain Falcon replied. "I guess my next question is why are you all here? Pikachu, what ridiculous prank have you got store for me now?"

"Pika pika, pika pi. Pikachu pika!"

Captain Falcon turned to the Space Animals, but both Fox and Falco shrugged their shoulders. Apparently Captain Falcon wasn't alone in being unable to understand Pikachu. As they four fighters awkwardly stared at one another, the door was slammed open! In came Princess Peach, dragging a struggling Roy by the ear. "For a princess, you're really rude" noted the redhead. "What is so important that you had to drag me away in the middle of my discussion with Pit?"

Peach replied back, "Well, it has been three days and I see you already trying to find a new bro. It is way too early for you to rebound. Now then I've finally got the two of you in a room together. It is time for you two to talk."

Captain Falcon immediately responded, "I don't want to talk to him. Now, Pikachu what did you want? Peach is here to finally translate."

Peach started to whisper in Peach's ear. Peach said to Falcon, "He wants you to make up with Roy as well. See, when you are all mopey and angry, it is incredibly boring to make fun of you. However, when you are excited and fired up, it'll be more fun for Pikachu to bring you back down to your knees. Now then, you two better start talking or else..." Peach pulled out a golf club. "You've seen what a woman with a golf club is capable of."

Captain Falcon gulped. He said to Roy, "Alright let's talk. Why did you lie to me about your seven wives? If you forced them to marry you, doesn't that make them more like sex slaves?"

Roy thought to himself for a moment. Finally he answered, "I do have seven wives and they all agreed to marry me by choice. What Peach meant when she said the women had no other choice was thatall the women I chose to marry had no other suitors. See in the world I come from, all I need to have a woman marry me is to build a bond by speaking to them a couple of times. Sometimes there is competition with other members of my army, but in this case I had no competition because I'm just that awesome. However everyone is only allowed one wife, so I had to make a law that would allow me to have multiple wives."

"Wait a second," questioned Captain Falcon. "All you had to do was talk to all the women in order to have them marry you? Why did you come up with all those ridiculous methods to help me get a girlfriend?"

"Because I wanted to be cool. See, after I was barred from the previous tournament, it has been a little rough for me. So when you asked for my help with the ladies, I wanted to be seem like I knew what I was doing. That's why I came up with those stratagems. Helping one of the originals fighters succeed would've made me the hippest fighter in the mansion. Look, I know I owe you a big apology for not being honest with you up front. I just wanted to the cool kid like you. I know how I can make it up though. He handed Captain Falcon a slip of paper. "Here take this."

"What is this?" Captain Falcon asked. He opened the slip of paper and began to read. "Wait a second, is this what I think it is?"

Roy nodded. "Here is a list of all of Palutena's likes and dislikes. I've been talking with Pit the past few days in order to gather all of this information. " He was suddenly interrupted as Captain Falcon gave him a big hug. "I guess we're good again?"

Captain Falcon exclaimed, "I'm sorry I ever doubted you man. Let's go back to your room and figure out a plan for the rest of the new arrivals." As he began to get of his hospital room, he heard coughing in the background. Pikachu tapped Captain Falcon on the leg and began repeating his name. Peach said to Falcon, "It looks like you two are best buddies again. Sorry to cut your reunion short, but Pikachu wants you to wear this and go to his room." She pulled out a diaper. "Pichu is out of the hospital and wants some entertainment."

Captain Falcon groaned loudly and began to put on the diaper. Roy began to laugh. Peach turned to the swordsman. "Who said Captain Falcon was doing this alone?" She pulled out another diaper and a pacifier. "This is for you." Roy immediately shut up.

Meanwhile Falco was in the background, bawling his eyes out. Fox asked his partner "Why are you crying?" Falco replied, "This is beautiful, watching a broken bromance repaired with a renewed fire. It makes me cry tears of joy. Come Fox, we must be off! Let them have their special moment." Falco grabbed Fox and headed out of the hospital wing.

* * *

So, next chapter will probably be when all the new character from Smash 4 will be introduced. Will Captain Falcon make a good first impression? Find out next chapter.


	7. Challenger Approaching

Here is the next thrilling installment of Captain Falcon's Lady Quest! Please Enjoy

* * *

Captain Falcon rushed his way into the common room. Today was the big day, the day when all of the new fighters would be moving into the mansion. Today was the day Captain Falcon would get to make his first impression to all of the new ladies. He had already made sure that there wasn't even a speck of dust on his classic outfit. Captain Falcon was also excited because this day also marked the end of his time as Pikachu's slave. He shuddered as he remembered all of the ridiculous acts Pikachu forced him to partake in. But that was in the past. Captain Falcon popped a breath mint. It was time. He walked into the common room, took his seat and then waited for the rest of the fighters to arrive. Aside from Master Hand, who was hosting the entire event, Captain Falcon was the first fighter to arrive.

As King Dedede, the last fighter to arrive, came in holding a tub of cake, Master Hand began to speak. "Welcome," Master Hand stated. "I can finally begin this meeting. Before I can introduce all of the new fighters, I must start with other announcements. As many of you have noticed, a few of our veterans are not here today. Well due to certain circumstances, Snake will not be participating. Pokemon Trainer has decided at the last minute not to participate in order to continue his questing of catching'em all, but he left Charizard behind for training. That little twat! Wolf has unfortunately not fully recovered from a certain incident and will be unable to participate." Master Hand turned to glare at Zelda and Samus. "Finally, due to certain contractual disputes regarding chain grabbing, the Ice Climbers will not be participating." Everyone let loose a big cheer. "Ok that's enough. Now let this be a lesson to all of you. If any of you fools try to argue with me, I'll pimp slap you right out of the mansion. Ok, now that I've got little rant out of the way, let me introduce the new fighters. The first fighter is Bowser Jr."

"DADDY!" A yellow blur flew past all of the fighters and gave Bowser a big hug. "Now that I'm here, we can do all the cool father son activities. We can go fishing, kidnap princesses, go to the zoo... Hey dad, after this is over can we go grab some cake?" Bowser Jr. continued to jump around Bowser. As Captain Falcon looked on, Bowser silently mouthed, "Save me."

"Ahem," Master Hand continued. "Now let me continue. The next fighter is the Duck Hunt Duo. A goofy looking dog and duck came walking into the room. "Wow, they are the most ridiculous duo I've ever seen," Captain Falcon whispered to Roy. The Duck Hunt Dog walked by each fighter and shook their hand with his paw. However, as the dog walked by Captain Falcon, he lifted his leg, peeing all over Falcon's trousers. "Ah!" exclaimed Captain Falcon. The duck then flew by and pooped on Falcon's helmet. "Why?" yelled Captain Falcon. He dashed out of the room to change into a new outfit.

When Captain Falcon finally returned to the room, wearing his new orange and gold suit, Master Hand had already announced a few more fighters. Greninja, the blue frog Pokémon was currently having a discussion with Charizard. Little Mac, the little boxer was currently showing off some punches to an unimpressed Peach. Captain Falcon recognized Lucina, the swordswoman talking with Marth. Megaman and Mario were also in a heated discussion. Finally, Pac-man was busy entertaining Kirby by pulling out various fruits and feeding it to the pink puffball. As Captain Falcon returned to his seat, Master Hand was still continuing to introduce the new fighters. "Next up we have Palutena."

Captain Falcon was stunned speechless as the green haired goddess made her way into the room. "Wow, she is beautiful. Definitely a goddess . Good thing I already got the notes for you," Roy noted. Captain Falcon nodded his head. As Palutena continued to walk around, Pit began to cheer, "Yea my goddess is here now. If any of you guys try to bully me, she'll kick your asses!"

"Hah, of course you'd be bullied. You're such a loser," a new voice chimed in. Everyone turned to look at the source of the voice. It was Pit... only with black attire and hair. "Dark Pit," exclaimed Pit. "You're here now?"

"Oh Pittoo, you and Pit need to get along," Palutena interrupted. "I told you never to call me that!" snarled back Dark Pit. "Ok, break it up everyone," roared Master Hand. "You guys can figure this out after I'm done introducing all of the fighters. The next fighter is Robin." Two robed platinum blonde haired fighters entered the room. "Ok, even though one of you is male and the other is female, both of you are still called Robin. I need a way to distinguish you two by name. Any ideas?"

"You can call the female me Robin," chimed in the platinum blonde male. "Everyone call me Steve." The room went silent. "What? That's my name."

"I think they expected you to be called Rob or something," whispered female Robin.

"That name is dumb. My name is Steve!"

The two Robins continued to argue. Meanwhile Master Hand continued to introduce the fighters. As Rosalina and Luma entered the room, Captain Falcon turned to Roy. "Isn't that just Princess Peach with a different dress and a wand?"

"Now that you mention it, they do look really alike. Creepy. Well so far so good. Still two more females to go though. Hey, look the fighter is here." A black haired fighter wearing a sleeveless white karate gi entered the room. "Hadouken!" yelled the new fighter as he released an energy blast at the wall, blowing it into smithereens.

"God damn it!" yelled Master Hand. "Can we get through this without any more incidents. Alright the next fighter is Shulk." A blonde haired young man came out wearing only a pair of swimming trunks.

"Hey, why is he allowed to run around without a shirt?" questioned Captain Falcon. "When I tried to run around without a shirt, I was forced to wear a top after only an hour."

"I'll tell you why you had to wear a shirt," said Master Hand. "After twenty minutes, I received numerous complaints from the ladies that you were sexually harassing them. As such I was forced to make you put on a shirt before something bad happened. Besides, look at Shulk's body. Look at his puny muscles. I don't think we need to worry about anything happening." Captain Falcon looked around and noticed that no women were ogling Shulk's body. Master Hand had brought up a good point. "Now let me finish introducing everyone. I got a hot date in twenty minutes. The next fighter is the Wii Fit Trainer." Two fighters entered the room. "Ah nuts," Falcon whispered to Roy. "Another man and woman fighter. I hope that guy isn't her boyfriend."

"Ok, now similar to Robin, we need a way to distinuguish between the two of you," said Master Hand.

"That's easy," declared the male Wii Fit Trainer. "My sister can be the Wii Fit Trainer. You guys can call me Steve."

"Wait a second," yelled Steve the Male Robin. "I already got dibs on the name Steve. I demand you to change your name."

"But, my legal name is Steve," replied Steve the Male Wii Fit Trainer. "And I really like my name. Can't you just change your name to Rob or something?"

"How dare you!" exclaimed Steve. "Why does everyone automatically assume I want to be called Rob? Steve began charging up a Thoron spell. "We'll battle to the death for the right to be called Steve!"

"Argh!" screamed Master Hand. He pointed at male Robin. "You can be called Steve. Wii Fit Trainer, your name is Mii Fit Trainer. Ok, I have one more fighter to introduce. Let me introduce the villager." Two more fighters entered the room. "I'm finally done! Now go get lunch everyone. I'll have a special announcement later. Now, time for my date!"

Captain Falcon took a look at the female villager. "Hey Roy? Her eyes are really freaky. Their intimidating me...sexually." Captain Falcon took another look at the female villager. The female villager noticed Captain Falcon's stare and waved back.

"She seems friendly," said Roy. "Maybe you got a shot with her. Let's go get some lunch though. I'm starving and I got a huge craving for the cafeteria tacos."

* * *

"Alright, who should I talk to first?" Captain Falcon asked Roy. They were now in the cafeteria. "They're all pretty hot except for the female villager. She freaks me out."

"Well, I think..." began Roy. Just then, the female villager walked by the table. She quickly dropped a horned beetle on Captain Falcon's lap. Captain Falcon grabbed the beetle off his lap. "Um...thanks I guess." The female villager began to blush as she heard Falcon's thanks. She quickly covered her face and squealed as she ran out the cafeteria. "That was weird," commented Captain Falcon.

"I think she has a crush on you," Roy teased. "That's great, you are one step closer to getting a girlfriend. Good job."

"I'm not sure whether the female villager is the right fit for me," said Captain Falcon. "I want to evaluate all of my options." He looked around and saw Palutena busy talking with Pit. "I'm going in." Captain Falcon began to walk towards Palutena. _"Thank god I spent the night memorizing the list."_ When he got to their table, he said to Palutena, "Hi there, I'm Captain Falcon. I know this may be a little forward, but would you like to watch _High School Musical_ with me?"

Palutena stared at Captain Falcon. "I'm sorry, I'm not interested. _High School Musical_ is terrible."

" _Terrible_ ," Captain Falcon thought to himself. " _But Pit put on the list that movie was her favorite._ _Maybe I mixed it up. Let me try something I know for a fact was on the list as a like."_ He stammered, "Well, maybe you want to go grab some pizza with me. Maybe pizzas with anchovies on them? Man their delicious."

Palutena giggled. "That sounds lovely. However, anchovy pizzas are disgusting. I have to question your sanity if you like that type of pizza. Besides, I really don't know you very well." She turned to look at the clock. "Well, I need to move the rest of my furniture into my room. Nice meeting you Captain Falcon." Palutena left the cafeteria.

As soon as Palutena left, Captain Falcon turned to Pit. "Your list is a lie! Everything I tried on your list of her likes turned out to be all wrong. What is the meaning of this?" Captain Falcon brought his fist up to Pit's face. "I need some answers boy." As he was about to slap the boy, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Captain Falcon turned around. Little Mac had his arms crossed around his chest disapprovingly. Little Mac sneered, "So your Captain Falcon huh? I didn't expect you to pick on a boy. For a man who's said to have a punch that rivals mine, you are nothing but a sissy. I can't wait to fight against you and emasculate you in front of everyone. I'll show the world who has the greatest punch." Little Mac walked away. Captain Falcon shrugged his shoulders and went back to question Pit. However, during Little Mac's rant, Pit has escaped the cafeteria. Captain Falcon swore and walked back to his table. However, he saw that Roy was sitting alone. Lucina was now sitting at the table chatting with Roy. Roy waved Captain Falcon over. "Hey Falcon, how did it go?"

Captain Falcon sighed. "I think the list Pit gave to you was a lie." He turned to the bluenette. "You're Lucina right?" The swordswoman nodded. "I'm Captain Falcon, nice to meet you."

Lucina shook his hand. Lucina said to Falcon, "I remember you. You were the fighter who knocked out my father and nearly defeated me as well. You are very strong. Maybe we can spar sometime. I want to see how much I improved. Well, I'm sorry to cut this introduction short, but I promised Robin that I'd join her for teatime with Princess Peach. Nice to see again Falcon." Lucina left the table. Roy look at Falcon. "Not bad, looks like there is at least two women here that may give you a shot. Pity about Palutena though."

Captain Falcon shook his head. "I don't get it. I memorized the list correctly and yet she didn't seem interested in anything listed as something she likes to do. I think Pit lied to you."

"But why? That doesn't make any sense. Maybe he doesn't want you to be with his goddess?"

"I guess so. However I will not be this easily deterred!" declared Captain Falcon. At this time Master Hand's voice blazed over the intercom. "Alright my date went horrible. I guess I'll just make my announcement now. There will be a doubles tournament in two days. Find a partner and register. Good Bye."

Roy turned to Captain Falcon. "This is your big moment. If you can team up with one of the female newcomers, I thin you'll have a good shot at getting your girlfriend. Let's go find you a partner!" The two men left the cafeteria.

 **Meanwhile in Pit's room...**

"I think they might know," whined Pit. "Captain Falcon already knows that list I gave to Roy was a lie." He yelped as he felt ahand smack him across the rear. "Hey, I did what you asked. I created a fake list to give to Captain Falcon in exchange for my debt to be erased."

"Pikachu..." Jigglypuff nodded and spanked Pit yet again. Pit squirmed, "I'll tell Palutena about this and you'll be sorry..."

* * *

Who'll be Captain Falcon's partner?


	8. Seeking a Partner

WHEEEEEEEEE!...That is all.

* * *

"Alright, so what is the plan?" Captain Falcon asked Roy. They were in Captain Falcon's room. It was later in the afternoon after Master Hand had announced that there would be a doubles tournament in two days. "Who should I ask to team up with me?"

"Well, the way I see it, you should probably ask one of the female fighters who doesn't know someone from the same universe. I mean Pit is probably going to ask Paluena to be his partner, Rosalina has plenty of people to ask and Lucina will probably pair up with one of the Robins. Maybe if Robin doesn't pair up with Lucina, you can ask her? I really don't know. Honestly, I need to find a partner myself. It has been a while since I've fought in an actual tournament and Marth pairs up with Ike now, so I need a new doubles partner. I'm sorry, but I have to go now. I don't want to be stuck with someone like Wario. Best of luck Falcon." Roy walked out of the room. However he quickly poked his head back in."By the way, do you really not have anything else to wear? That gold and orange suit makes you look supremely gay."

"Supremely gay? I'll have you know that this outfit makes me look incredibly buff," Captain Falcon yelled back. However Roy was already running down the hallway. "Shoot, looks like I have to do this alone. Well, guess I'll just rely on my Falcon charm. I'll start by going to the common room. That should be where most of the fighters are." Captain Falcon falcon kicked his way towards the common room.

As Captain Falcon entered the common room, he took a look around the room, eyes scanning for any female fighters. His eyes finally fell upon Lucina, the only female fighter currently in the common room. He quickly walked over to the swordswoman and asked, "Hey Lucina, remember your sparring offer? Instead of that, how about we team up together? Maybe, we can discuss some tactics over a nice dinner?" Captain Falcon put on his game winning smile.

"I'm sorry Falcon, but I've already agreed to team up with Robin," Lucina apologized. "Maybe next time."

"Wait, which Robin?" asked Captain Falcon. If it was female Robin, this was bad news. That would mean two fighters would already be out of the picture. If it was male Robin, that would mean he still had a shot with the other Robin and have someone's ass to kick.

"Um...female Robin. If it was male Robin, I would've called him Steve. Besides, I did ask Steve first, but he seems to have his heart set of partnering with another fighter. So I ended up asking Robin and she agreed."

"Well, alright then," Captain Falcon said dejectedly. This was not how he thought this would pan out. Not only were two of the female fighters unavailable, he might have to deal with this Steve. Although Steve not teaming up with Lucina meant that he probably wasn't interested in the girl, he was going after another fighter... maybe a female fighter. At this realization, Captain Falcon burst out of the room. He wasn't going to let some newbie come in and sweep the ladies from him. Captain Falcon began running around the hallways, intent on either finding another female fighter or Steve.

Luckily for Falcon as he was running, he bumped into Rosalina. "Hi there," he greeted. "I'm Captain Falcon. Yes, thee Captain Falcon. How would you like to team up with me? I can show you a good time."

Rosalina started to nervously fidget. "I'm sorry, I am teaming with Luigi for the tournament."

Captain Falcon was outraged. Luigi? That plumber was a massive pansy. He said to Rosalina, "Hey, how about I show you what a real man can do? Don't team up with Luigi. I can show you a good time."

Rosalina started to twiddle her thumbs. "I...I... I already agreed with Luigi. Besides, I don't know you at all. I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable."

Captain Falcon continued to go on, "Don't worry, We can get to know each other over some dinner. how about I pick you up on my Blue Falcon at 6 pm? Captain Falcon gave Rosalina a wink. "I know an amazing place." He moved closer to Rosalina. "How about it?"

Rosalina screamed and waved her wand. At her command, Luma rushed to Captain Falcon and began to unleash a furious punch combo. She screamed, "You pervert! I though the introduction brochure was only kidding about your behavior. Princess Peach was right to warn me about you!" She walked by the struggling Captain, Luma landing on more punch before following her out. As Captain Falcon lay bleeding on the ground, he thought to himself, " _Well, that sucked. Ugh, I think I have to visit Dr. Mario again."_

* * *

"Argh!" yelled Dr. Mario as Captain Falcon limped his way into his office. "Why can't I groom my moustache in peace? I thought after one idiot was sent here, I'd have a little me time. But of course you have to come in here and ruin my good time! Just sit on the next bed and I'll get to you in a minute." Captain Falcon slowly made his way to the hospital bed and laid down on it. Dr. Mario grumbled to himself, "Stupid Falcon. When will he learn that he can't get a lady. Maybe I should secretly neuter him. That'll solve all of my problems."

Captain Falcon weakily said, "I heard that. Don't touch my balls..."

Dr. Mario shrugged his shoulders and walked away. As Captain Falcon turned his head, he noticed the fighter who was in the bed next to him. "Wait a second, you are Steve right?

Steve turned towards Falcon's voice. "Yes and you are Captain Falcon correct?" Falcon nodded. " I've collected plenty of data about you. I know all of your techniques and mannerisms, your habits and behaviors. I'm going to guess you were sent here by another woman you attempted to hit on?" Captain Falcon nodded again. "I feel your pain."

Captain Falcon asked, "Wait you were sent here after you tried to hit on a lady as well. Who was it? Did Rosalina do you in as well?"

Steve laughed. "Oh man, Rosalina sent you here? Man, I can't imagine her doing that. She seems like such a sweetheart."

Captain Falcon yelled, "She is the devil incarnate! So why are you here?"

Steve sighed. "I tried to ask Shulk to be my partner. I'm not sure what happened afterwards, but he pulled out his monado and started to swing it around. Captain Falcon stared at him inquisitively. "What?"

Captain Falcon asked, "Wait, you're gay?"

Steve chuckled. "Yea, I'm gay. Have you seen Shulk? Check out his abs! Have you seen how he looks without a shirt? Look at that confidence. Man, I can't wait to find a way into his shorts. He can be the Adam to my Steve."

Captain Falcon stared at the tactician blankly. "So is that why you didn't team up with Lucina? So you could ask Shulk to team up with you?"

Steve replied, "Yep. Besides Lucina is the daughter of my best friend. Even if I was straight, bros before hoes. She is still a little uncomfortable in a new environment, so I thought it was best for her to team up with someone familiar. Besides, in my world I can't hook up with another guy. I'm a master tactician who holds the love lives of all the soldiers in the palm of my hand, I can marry up to twenty women if I really wanted to, but yet I can't marry another man. That is why I agreed to join this competition. I have no strings attached and go after any man that I wish!"

At this moment, Dr. Mario came into the room. "Alright, I'm done fixing up my moustache. I'm ready to fix you two up so you two can leave my sight and I can watch _Scrubs_ in peace."

A few hours later, Captain Falcon and Steve left the hospital ward. "I have a proposition for you," Steve said to Captain Falcon. "How about this, I'll help you out with seducing Lucina and Robin, and you help me out with Shulk?"

Captain Falcon replied, "But what about Roy? He was my main bro, my wingman. I'm not sure that I'm comfortable leaving him in the dark like this." Just then Roy popped out from behind. "Hey Captain Falcon , I heard what Rosalina did to you. How are you feeling?"

Captain Falcon yelped and quickly stammered, "I'm feeling a bit better. Um... how are you doing? Did you find a partner?"

Roy frowned. "I do have a partner although she wasn't my first choice." At this Captain Falcon perked up. "The female villager insisted on being my partner. I tried to say no, but she kept clinging on to me. I finally had to agree to partner up with her. Don't worry though, this is a good opportunity for you Falcon. I can talk to her about you and raise your stock. Make you out to being a bigger man."

Captain Falcon frowned as well. "The villager really creeps me out. I don't feel comfortable with her."

"At this rate, you may as well just ask her out," Steve interrupted.

"Hey!" Falcon interjected. "I thought you were going to help me out with Lucina and Robin." Roy turned his head at Captain Falcon. Falcon quickly put his hand up to his mouth. He hadn't meant to let that slip.

Roy asked, "Were you going to ask Steve to help you hook up with Lucina and Robin?" Captain Falcon slowly nodded. Roy gave a sigh of relief. "Good, Steve could be the shot in the arm you needed Falcon. Our agreement is still in effect though even if Steve is the one who gets you a girlfriend."

Steve turned his head. "Agreement?" he inquired. "What sort of agreement?"

Roy blushed and yelled, "Forget the agreement! Now, we need to come up with a plan. Our boy Falcon here still doesn't have a partner for the doubles tournament. Steve, would you be able to convince either Lucina or Robin to join up with Falcon?" Steve shook his head. Roy stroked his chin for a second. "Ok, I'm paired up with the female villager, so she is out as well. Rosalina beat the crap out of you so she is probably a no-go as well. I also heard Palutena has a partner as well, so that only leaves the Wii Fit Trainer. I heard she is at the gym working out, so let's go right now. Roy and Captain Falcon began to walk, but then noticed Steve was standing still. "What's wrong?"

Steve said, "I haven't agreed to help you out yet. You guys haven't agreed to my end of the bargain. I'll only help you two out if you guys help me get my Shulk!" Both Roy and Falcon sighed and nodded in agreement. Steve smiled and exclaimed, "Fantastic, let's go get laid!" At this moment, Shulk walked by the trio. Steve yelled, "Oh momma, here I come!" He began running towards the shirtless young man. Shulk saw that Steve was running towards him and immediately sped up. As Steve was chasing Shulk, he yelled to Roy, "Help me!"

Roy quickly whispered to Captain Falcon, "I'm going to have to help out Steve to gain his trust. Look, Wii Fit trainer doesn't seem to be very popular with many of the fighters. As long as you act nice and don't try to blatantly hit on her, I'm sure she'll agree to be your partner." Steve yelled at Roy again, telling him to help him. "Alright got to go, good luck." Roy began to chase after the duo as Shulk yelled back, "I was warned about these type of situations. Help me someone!"

Captain Falcon dashed his way to the gym. This was his last choice. He was in such a big hurry that he didn't even stop to apologize to Olimar as he ran over the poor captain. As he entered the gym, he noticed that the gym was virtually empty, except for Ike, who was doing push-ups on the ground and both Wii Fit Trainers who were doing stretches. Falcon cautiously approached the two trainers and introduced himself, "Hi I'm Captain Falcon."

Both Wii Fit Trainers stopped and turned to Falcon, "Nice to meet you. What can we do for? Would you like to start with some yoga and stretches?"

"What? No, I was just wondering whether you'd like to be my partner for the tournament?" Falcon asked the female Wii Fit Trainer.

"Partner?" No one has asked to be my partner all day. I don't think any of the other fighters here really see me as a real fighter," replied female Wii Fit Trainer.

"Nonsense, I think if you are here, you are definitely worthy. I'd like for you to be my partner."

"Wait a second," interrupted the male Wii Fit Trainer. "How do I know you are not just here to hit on my sister? What are your intentions?"

"Look, I just want to partner up with your sister. I have no ulterior motives," Falcon said.

"I accept," said female Wii Fit Trainer. She turned to her brother. "Come on, what did mom tell you about boys. Not all of them are here to hit on me."

"But did you read the intro brochure? It says that Captain Falcon is a massive pervert. Besides look at his cloths and his face. I don't trust him."

"Relax, it'll be ok." She turned to Captain Falcon. "Can't wait to start fighting." She then walked out of the gym. The male Wii Fit Trainer turned to Falcon and said, "If you do anything to my sister, I'll make you wish you were never born." He then walked out following his sister.

Captain Falcon made a fist pump and began doing a celebratory dance. He had gotten himself a partner! However, unbeknownst to Captain Falcon, a small figure laid in the shadow, shaking his tiny fist. He'll make Falcon pay for stealing his girl...

* * *

Next chapter will be the start of the tournament and some actual fighting.


	9. The Tournament Starts

Here we go! An early update. Hope everyone enjoys!

* * *

Captain Falcon whistled a merry tune as he walked down the women's wing. It was the day of the Doubles Tournament and Falcon was on his way to pick up Wii Fit Trainer from her room. After all, isn't that what a true gentleman would do? As he was about to knock of Wii Fit Trainer's door, he quickly pulled out a hand mirror to make sure his hair and face looked flawless. He adjusted his usual blue racing outfit one last time and then knocked on the door. Wii Fit Trainer opened the door with a smile on her face. "Good morning Captain Falcon, are you ready to go?"

"I'm ready," Falcon replied. The two fighters began to make their way to the common room, Falcon making sure to open any doors on the way and letting Wii Fit Trainer go first. "What a gentleman," Wii Fit Trainer remarked as Falcon opened the door to the common room. The common room was packed as almost every fighter was already in the room. Captain Falcon saw Roy waving his hand, signaling the pair to come towards him. Captain Falcon led Wii Fit Trainer to where Roy was waiting for them. "What took you guys so long? The first round match-ups have already been listed."

"I wanted to be fashionably late. So who am I facing?" Captain Falcon looked at the board where all of the fights were listed. "Zelda and Samus."

"Are they strong?" Wii Fit Trainer asked.

"Well, Samus is one of the original fighters like me. She is a very experienced fighter and a weapons expert. The board has her listed as wearing her zero suit, so we won't need to worry about missiles or her energy shot, but she'll be a very nimble and agile in your face fighter. We also need to be careful of her Paralyzer. As for Zelda, she primarily relies on her magic, so if we close the distance and fight her hand-to-hand, she'll be easy to take of. However, they have been training together for a while, so their teamwork will be very strong."

"They seem pretty tough. What's the plan?"

"It's simple," Falcon said. "I'm not one hundred percent confident in my abilities to defeat Samus one on one, but I know for a fact that I can hold her off for a while. Therefore it's up to you to find a way to attack Zelda." As Captain Falcon continued to talk, Roy snorted. He knew when someone was talking out of their ass. Falcon turned to the redhead. "What? Is there something wrong with what I said?"

Roy chuckled and said nothing. Falcon stepped up closer to Roy. "You know what, I bet that I'll advance farther in the tournament than you. Winner does the loser's laundry for a month." Wii Fit Trainer quickly whispered into Falcon's ear. Falcon turned to the woman. "Don't worry, we'll be fine. I'm confident in both of our abilities."

Roy smirked. "That sounds like a challenge. Very well, I accept. I'll tell you now though. I'll be pleasantly surprised if you guys even make it out of the first round."

"What is that suppose to mean? You think Wii Fit Trainer and I will lose in the first round?"

"Come on, Zelda and Samus are an actual couple who also train together. Their teamwork and synergy will be levels beyond yours," Roy responded.

"So? Who are your first round opponents?" Falcon asked.

Roy began to laugh. "Villager and I have a first round bye."

"What!" exclaimed Captain Falcon. "This is so unfair!" Before Falcon could continue to argue with Roy, Master Hand's voice blared into the intercom. "Will all first round fighters please report to your teleporters for your fights? Fights will begin in twenty minutes." Falcon turned back to Roy. "This isn't over." Captain Falcon stepped up to the teleporter, closed his eyes and waited for it to take effect.

When Captain Falcon reopened his eyes, he saw that he was now in the waiting room.. A few seconds later, Wii Fit Trainer appeared beside him. "So this is the waiting room," she remarked as she looked around the room. The waiting room was merely a white room with a white sandbag in the middle. As both fighters looked around, they noticed that there was only one other woman in the room. "Hey, where is Samus?" Falcon asked Zelda.

"Samus will be coming soon. She said that she had a surprise for me." Zelda replied. Another white flash appeared in the room. "There she is now."

Captain Falcon's jaw dropped as he looked at Samus. Samus wasn't wearing her power suit, but she wasn't wearing her zero suit either. Instead she was wearing a pair of orange short shorts and orange sports bra that showed off her assets. As Captain Falcon continued to ogle the blonde, he felt a tightening in his pants and felt an oncoming nosebleed. He quickly looked away and placed his hand over his nose, meanwhile praying that none of the ladies would look at the bulge in his pants.

Wii Fit Trainer turned to her companion and asked, "Falcon are you alright? Your face is turning red and you are covering your nose."

"I'm fine," Falcon blurted. However, he continued to feel the nosebleed coming. " _Oh god, please not in front of the ladies. I'll look like a loser and a pervert."_

Samus's attire wasn't only affecting Captain Falcon though. Zelda was also unable to keep her eyes away from her girlfriend. After a few seconds, she strode over to Samus and mashed their lips together. Both Captain Falcon and Wii Fit Trainers eyes popped out as they watched the ladies make out in front of them, Captain Falcon desperately trying to prevent the blood from gushing out of his nose. Luckily for the racer, as soon as both ladies took a second to take a breath, Zelda grabbed Samus and unleashed her Farore's wind, teleporting the pair, no doubt finding a more private place to continue their activities. Master Hand's started to yell over the wait room intercom, "Come on, if you two leave now you're going to be disqualified. I mean it." However, there was no response from either lady. "God, neither of those two can ever keep it in their pants. Very well, Zelda and Samus are disqualified. Falcon and Wii Fit Trainer, you two qualify for the next round. Dismissed." As both fighters made their way back to the teleporters, they could still hear Master Hand's voice over the intercom. "...And if I find you two in the training room, I'll give both of you bitch-slaps your mommies will feel from their graves. I know you don't use that room just for training anymore. I have to do extra cleaning now thanks to you two!"

* * *

"That doesn't count," Roy muttered as he saw Captain Falcon and Wii Fit Trainer return to the common room. The female villager immediately ran up to Falcon and gave him a congratulatory hug.

"What matters is that I'm in the next round," replied Captain Falcon as he fought his way out of the villager's hug. For someone of her stature, the villager had a killer hug. He looked at the Wii Fit Trainer who had a slight frown on her face. "What's wrong?"

"Well, I did all of my stretches in preparation for our battle, but we didn't even have a fight. I'm going back to stretch myself out and keep myself loose. I'll see you again before the next round." She walked away to go to the gym to warm-up.

"So, Falcon care to watch one of the matches on the big screen with me?" Roy asked.

"Alright, which one did you have in mind?"

"Trust me, you'll enjoy this one," Roy answered as he walked to one of the couches and picked up a remote to turn the screen on. Captain Falcon sat down next to the swordsman and was swiftly joined by the female villager who latched onto Falcon's arm and snuggled closer to the man's body. Falcon groaned, but let the villager stay on his arm. He then turned his attention to the screen.

The four fighters on screen were still in the waiting room as their battle hadn't started yet. Two of the fighters were yelling in each other's faces. Captain Falcon recognized the two fighters as Falco and Steve in the midst of a huge argument. Fox was in the background, face hidden in his palm as Falco continued to yap away. Finally, Falcon looked at who was the final fighter and did a double take. "Wait a second, Steve is paired up with Shulk? How the hell did you pull this off?"

"Yea, I got them to team up. After Steve and I managed to corner him in the garden, I made Steve and Shulk have a man to man talk. It seems that unlike you, Steve has actually got a silver tongue. He is just a little aggressive. Once they started to talk, they actually found out that they have quite a bit of common."

"Ugh, whatever." Captain Falcon was disappointed. In one day, Roy had made more progress in Steve and Shulk's relationship than he had with any of the women and Falcon. He turned his attention back to the screen. "Hey, can you raise the volume? I can't hear what they are saying."

Roy quickly adjusted the volume so now they could hear what the two fighters were arguing about. "...So in conclusion, my bromance with Fox is far superior that your bromance with Shulk. We've known each other for much longer and quite frankly have done a lot more. Have you guys even had a brunch together yet?" Falco smirked.

"Bromance? Shulk and I share an actual romance." Steve argued. "We'll go to the movies together, hold each other tightly, and share some popcorn."

"See that? You don't even know what your relationship is. How can say your bromance is better than mine when you don't even call it a bromance. I'll have you know, Fox has even let me handle his gun. Has Shulk let you touch his monado yet? I don't think so."

Fox interrupted, "I only let you handle my gun once and that was only because I hadn't washed my hands after going to the bathroom. Besides, how many times do I have to tell you? I have a girlfriend. Her name is Krystal."

"See? Your best bro here already has a girlfriend," Steve chimed in." How can you say your bromance is better than my relationship with Shulk?"

"Come on Steve, I haven't agreed to be your boyfriend. I only agreed to team up with you for this tournament. I thought we were going to take thing slow.

"Aha!" cried out Falco. "I knew it! You guys aren't even serious yet! Fox and I have been doing this for years. You two stand no chance against us." As Falco finished talking, the waiting room morphed into a central platform with tufts of grass growing out the side. Three more smaller platforms formed above the central platform in a triangular layout. Master Hand's voice rang out in the background. "The battle will begin in 3...2...1...Go!"

As soon as Master Hand said go, Falco and Steve immediately charged towards each other, Falco's leg clashing with Steve's Levin sword. The robed fighter jumped back and fired off his Arcfire spell, sending a fire ball crashing towards Falco. Falco rolled backwards, narrowly dodging the fireball. He responded back by firing a series of lasers from his handgun. Robin put up his shield blocking each and every laser shot. However during this time Falco used his Falco Phantasm, quickly dashing behind Steve. Steve saw Falco's sudden moment and put down his shield, attempting to dodge Falco's next attack. However, he was a second too slow as Falco suddenly grabbed him and launched him in the air, firing a few shots upwards from his gun. Steve yelped as two of the laser found their mark, nailing him in the back. As he was still airborne, Falco made the most of this opportunity. He jumped high in the air, letting loose a flurry of kicks and wing strikes, each one striking the tactician.

Steve fell to the ground as Falco's assault finally ended. _"Oh man, he may have the world's dirtiest mouth, but he is a much stronger fighter than I thought._ " Steve began charging up his thunder spell as Falco merely watched him charge up his magic. Falco took out his reflector and began kicking it around and taunted, "Piece of cake!" Steve started to pant as the effects of Falco's attacks started to take their toll of him. Even as he finished charging up his Archthunder spell, Steve knew that he still wouldn't be able to take on Falco one-on-one. As he took a quick glance, he saw that Fox was gaining the upper hand against Shulk, narrowly missing out on a KO after a swift kick. _"I hate to do this, but I need to resort to Plan B."_ Steve cleared his throat and yelled at Falco, "Yo mama!"

Falco twitched as he heard what Steve said. "Mama said knock you out!" he roared as he recklessly charged towards the robed fighter. Falco let loose a flying kick as he neared Steve. Steve easily sidestepped the raging bird and slashed at him with his Levin Sword. He then let loose a flurry of spells, each one striking Falco, before finally unleashing his fully charged Arcthunder, blasting Falco offstage and into the abyss.

Meanwhile Fox had Shulk lying helplessly on the ground. As he was about to finish him off with his split kick, he suddenly heard Falco's screams. Fox turned around and saw that Falco was being heavily assaulted by Steve. He began to use Fox Illusion to close the distance and save his partner from the barrage of spells, but he found himself tripped up by Shulk. Shulk quickly used the opportunity to jump behind Fox and let loose a devastating back slash, sending Fox flying off the stage. Unfortunately for Shulk, the blow wasn't quite enough to finish the job as Fox began charging up his Fire Fox, intent on making his way back onto the stage. He launched himself in a forty five degree angle, trying to reach the edge. However, he was met with a thunderbolt to the face, courtesy of Steve. Fox helpless cried out as he fell down to the abyss as well.

"And the winner is... Shulk and Steve!" declared Master Hand. The four fighters were teleported back into the common room. Falco immediately turned on Fox, "How on earth did we lose to those two weirdoes? We should've been the winners, we have a lot experience and we have been together a lot longer. Maybe we haven't done enough things together. Perhaps, our bond wasn't strong enough. That does it! We are taking a sponge bath together right now." He grabbed his partner by the cuff of his jacket and started to drag him towards his room.

Steve and Shulk gave each other high-fives. "Great job Shulk, I knew we could do it," celebrated Steve. Roy and Falcon came up from behind the two men. "Nice fight," greeted Roy.

"Thanks," replied Steve. "Well, Shulk and I are going to take a quick rest and get ready for the second round. See you guys later." The pair left the room.

At this moment, Master Hand began talking on the intercom. "Ok, the first round is now officially over. Second round match-ups are listed on the big board. You guys have a two hour break before the next fight."

"Alright, let's go take a look at our next match-ups," Roy said to Falcon. Captain Falcon nodded and the duo went to look at the screen. "Looks like the villager and I will be fighting Link and Toon Link. What about you Falcon?"

"I'm fighting..." Captain Falcon began, but he was interrupted by a sudden hand on his shoulder. "You'll be fighting me!" Captain Falcon turned around and found himself face to face with Little Mac. "That's right boy, looks like Master Hand was nice enough to let me emasculate you in my very first tournament. I hope you enjoy your last hour of manhood because after I'm done with you, you'll be the biggest sissy alive!" Little Mac walked away laughing.

"Well that was weird," remarked Roy. Falcon merely shrugged his shoulders. "So, who is his partner?"

"I'm his partner!" A new voice rang out. Both Falcon and Roy turned to see who it was. Falcon gasped as he instantly recognized the fighter.

"You...but why?"

* * *

Next chapter- Mystery Partner is revealed and Captain Falcon maybe has an actual fight?


	10. Captain Falcon Finally Fights

Hooray, another chapter! This time with actual fighting by Captain Falcon

* * *

"That's right, it's me, Captain Olimar," replied the little astronaut. "I've teamed up with Little Mac because we share a common goal. Your imminent humiliation."

"But why Olimar? Didn't we team up together during the Subspace Emissary?"

"First of all, that's Captain Olimar to you. Second, we aren't teamed up now are we? When you first had your lady problems, you didn't approach me about it. Instead, you went to a complete stranger. Even when we had to find a partner for this tournament, you never once approached me. Third and most importantly, you stole my goddess away from me!"

"Goddess?" questioned Falcon. "What do you mean?"

"Wii Fit Trainer!" Olimar cried out. "After it was apparent that you had no interest in pairing up with me, I decided to walk around the Mansion to look for a partner. Then I saw my goddess at the gym. She looked so divine, stretching out and working her muscles. I was too shy to immediately ask her to be my partner. It took me nearly all day just to work up the courage to ask her to be my partner. But then when I was finally walking to the gym, you ran me over and asked her out first! I was outraged! Luckily, I happened upon Little Mac who was also looking for a partner. Once we discovered our mutual hatred for you, we teamed up together. And now, we get an opportunity to crush you!"

"Well isn't that kind of your own fault Olimar? Isn't it first come first serve?" Roy asked.

"It's Captain Olimar god damn it! And Captain Falcon broke the Captain's Code. If one captain has dibs on a woman, another captain can't go after her. It is Section 2 article 3 f the Captain's code. All the famous captains of the world follow this code. Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Kirk, Captain America, Captain Planet, Captain Kangeroo, Captain Crunch, Captain Teemo, Captain Underpants all would've followed this rule. But you, Captain Falcon, you're a horny pig who only cares about satisfying his own ego. After I defeat you in battle, I'll move to have your 'Captain' title removed. now if you'll excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom." Olimar left to relieve his bowels.

Roy turned to Captain Falcon. "Is there really a Captain's Code?"

Falcon shook his head. "Don't be silly. I think that is just Olimar being melodramatic. Let's go get some food before the next round, I'm starving."

Captain Falcon and Roy entered the cafeteria and got their food. However as they were about to sit at their table, Roy said to Falcon, "Give me a second, I need to talk to Steve and Shulk really quickly." He went to the two and soon the trio began to chat animatedly. Falcon began to dig into his meal. "This chicken is pretty good," He said aloud.

"I know something else that will go good with it," said the female villager as she snuck behind the racer. She pulled a slice of cherry pie from behind her back and handed it over to Captain Falcon. "Here you go."

"Thanks, how did you know cherry pie was my favorite?" Captain Falcon asked. The villager didn't answer, but instead merely blushed and hid her face behind her hands. He took a bite into the slice of pie. "Man, this is delicious!"

The female villager squealed and ran away. Captain Falcon continued to each his slice of pie. After a minutes, the female villager came back again with a bottle of Dr. Pepper. She placed the bottle onto Falcon's table. Falcon took a look at the bottle. "Thanks, that's my favorite drink." He took a huge gulp of the Dr. Pepper. "Ah man, is that refreshing! Thanks again villager!" The villager squealed and fainted. "That was weird. Man, how did the villager know my favorite dessert and drink? Did someone tell her about me? Wait a second..." The gears in Falcon's brain began to turn. He rushed to where Roy was and grabbed the redhead by the arm. "We need to talk." He led Roy out of the cafeteria.

Captain Falcon dragged Roy down to the first empty room he entered. "What is the big idea telling the villager all of my favorite things? I already told you that I find her too creepy to be my girlfriend. She scares me."

Roy adjusted his armor. "For your information, the villager already knew all of this about you. She has been stalking you ever since she entered the Smash Mansion. She just asked me to confirm everything. Besides what was I suppose to do? If I didn't team up with her, I really might've been stuck with Wario as my partner. Not only that, the villager seems to be the only woman that seems to show a genuine interest in you."

"That is not true! Wii Fit Trainer agreed to be my partner. That means she is at least somewhat interested in me."

"Is that so? Well why did Wii Fit Trainer go down to the gym to work out instead of hang out with you after your first round victory? Why didn't she invite you to join her?"

Captain Falcon sighed. "Alright, fine. Just make sure you don't tell the villager any of my biggest secrets. The last thing I want is for a woman to know that I sleep with a stuffed unicorn when I go bed. " He took a look at the clock in the room. "Oh shoot, we only got a few minutes before the start of the next round. Let's go to the common room."

When the pair arrived at the common room, they saw their respective partners were already waiting for them. Captain Falcon went over to the Wii Fit Trainer. "Hey how was your workout? Are you ready to go?"

"I'm feeling good. Let's go!" Wii Fit Trainer and Captain Falcon walked to the teleporter and waited for it to take effect. Once they found themselves in the waiting room, they saw that Little Mac and Olimar were already waiting for them. Upon seeing the new arrivals, Little Mac walked up to Captain Falcon. "Nice to see you made it. I've noticed that you've paired up with a woman. That is too bad. Not only will people all around the world watch you get destroyed by me, but your girl over here will as well."

"That's right," Olimar chimed in. "And once she sees that you've been neutered by Little Mac's mighty fist, she'll immediately dump you. I'll then pick up the pieces and Wii Fit Trainer will go out with me just like how it should be."

"What are talking about? I'm confused."

"Don't worry Wii Fit Trainer. They are just jealous that I have a gorgeous lady as my partner. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a little time with her" Captain Falcon took the fitness trainer by her arm and led her away from the other two. "We need to strategize really quickly. I don't know anything about Little Mac, but I know Olimar is dependent on his pikmin."

"Pikmin?" asked the Wii Fit Trainer.

"Pikmin are little alien creatures Olimar can pick up from the ground and use them as allies in battle. If you can get rid of them and then attack Olimar while he tries to get more Pikmin, he'll be easily beatable. Don't worry though. Olimar is actually a real pansy. I remember when he first saw ROB and nearly peed himself."

As Captain Falcon finished talking, the waiting room began to morph. The four fighters now found themselves in a boxing ring. Captain Falcon immediately spoke aloud, "Wait a second, isn't this Little Mac's home stage? This isn't fair!"

"Why don't you grow some balls and just fight me like a man? This stage selection was random, so stop your complaining and get ready for a fight." Master Hand's voice interrupted Little Mac. "The fight will begin in 3...2...1...Go!"

Captain Falcon and Little Mac began circling each other in the arena, each eyeing the other fighter. "Why don't you make a move sissy?" taunted Little Mac as he continued to move around.

"Well, why don't you do something?" Falcon fired back.

"Because, I'm giving you a free punch. You're so weak that I can afford to give you a free hit," Little Mac said with a smirk. "Come on wuss, I'm giving you a freebie." Little Mac put his fists down and thrust his chest open. "Free hit. I won't even feel it."

"Well, if you insist!" Captain Falcon walked up to the boxer and prepared his Falcon Punch. "Falcon..." Before he could finish, a big purple Pikmin hit him in his face, interrupting his punch. "Ow!" exclaimed Captain Falcon. Before he could react, he felt a gloved fist strike him in the face, sending him all the way cross the ring. _"Holy crap, that really hurt!"_

"Wow, you are even dumber than you look," laughed Little Mac as he dashed next the fallen captain. "How about an encore?" He unleashed a fierce uppercut on Captain Falcon, sending him into the air. Little Mac got into position, preparing a final punch on the vulnerable captain.

At this moment, Wii Fit Trainer snuck behind the boxer and assumed the bridge position, her thrust knees colliding with Little Mac's balls. "Argh!" yelled out Little Mac. As Little Mac doubled over in pain, Captain Falcon landed on him with his knee of justice, sending Little Mac into the ground. Little Mac slowly got up from the ground and turned to Olimar who was just standing in the background. "Olimar what on earth are you doing? I was about to finish off Captain Failure over here, but you let Wii Fit Trainer interfere! Not only that, you then let Captain Falcon knee me in my face!"

Olimar screamed back, "First of all, that is Captain Olimar to you. Secondly, I can't hit my goddess. What, you thought I'd go and hit on my girl? Don't be ridiculous. Our agreement was to beat up Captain Falcon, but I'll never hit my future wife!"

Meanwhile, Wii Fit Trainer walked over to Captain Falcon. "Are you alright? Sorry, I took so long. I first had to take a deep breath beforehand. Then, I had to enter the Sun Worship pose and charge up my Sun Salutation."

Captain Falcon got up and replied, "Don't worry. I'm fine. It'll take more than two hits to take me out. Thanks for the help. Now, we where were we?" He rushed forward with another falcon kick. Little Mac sidestepped the streaking Falcon, but Olimar took the kick full in the face. As Olimar was sent flying backwards, Captain Falcon jumped back towards Little Mac. As the two started to exchange punches, Captain Falcon yelled to Wii Fit Trainer, "I got this one. you take care of Olimar!" He turned to Little Mac and hit him with his elbow of justice. "Go!"

Captain Falcon and Little Mac continued to exchange blows for a few minutes. As Captain Falcon connected with a quick jab, he said, "I know you are getting tired Little Mac. This fight will soon end in my victory." He did a quick back flip and then started to prepare his Falcon Punch. "Fal..."

Little Mac began to laugh aloud. "Hahaha, you thought you trapped me with a drawn out fight? Don't be ridiculous. That was my plan. You do know my strongest KO punch requires time to prepare right?" As realization dawned on Captain Falcon's face, Little Mac gave another little chuckle. "It's too late for you. Prepare to be emasculated!" He lunged forward, preparing his killing blow! As his fist was about to make contact with Falcon, he felt a body hit him hard in the back. Little Mac turned around to see what hit him and was horrified as he saw it was an unconscious Olimar. "What the... Oh shit!" Little Mac cried out as he saw the incoming Falcon Punch coming straight into his face."

"...PUNCH!" roared Captain Falcon as his fist collided with both Little Mac and Olimar, sending both flying towards the sky. "NOOOOO!" yelled Little Mac as he was sent flying out of the stadium.

And the winner is... Captain Falcon and Wii Fit Trainer!" declared Master Hand. After the four fighters were teleported back, Captain Falcon turned to Wii Fit Trainer. "That was a great fight. Thanks for saving me.

"No need to thank me Falcon, we are teammates. Although the fight did seem a bit easy?"

"What do you mean?" Falcon asked.

"Well, Olimar really didn't fight back. Everytime, he'd just try dodging all of my assaults. Eventually, I saw that you were in trouble, so I tossed Olimar at Little Mac hoping to interrupt him. I'm glad it worked out."

"Thanks again. If you hadn't done that, Little Mac's fist would've destroyed me." A this moment, Roy and the female villager appeared from the teleporter. "Hey guys," Falcon greeted. "Did you win your fight?"

Roy replied, "Of course. Female villager and I destroyed Link and Toon Link! How did your fight go? Did Little Mac and Olimar wreck your manhood?"

"Of course not! Wii Fit Trainer and I taught them a lesson!"

"I'm glad to hear that," said Roy.

"Why is that?" Captain Falcon was puzzled. "Didn't you want me to lose so then I'd have to do your laundry?"

"I did," Roy answered. "However, it is much more satisfying if I personally send you to your defeat! That's right! The villager and I are your next round opponents. I hope you enjoy doing my laundry."

* * *

Whose going to win the next fight? I have no idea...


	11. Three Girls, One Falcon

Sorry for the late update. Relatives came over so I couldn't quite get the chapter done when I wanted to. Hopefully I'll be able to get the next chapter out quicker.

* * *

"The second round of fights are now over," Master Hand announced as the last pair to win their match, Pikachu and Jigglypuff, walked out from the teleporter. "You guys will now have a day to rest before your next match. Now, I'm off to prepare for my hot date tomorrow. You guys better not mess up the Smash Mansion while I'm gone." Master Hand floated away.

" _A day to rest huh..."_ Captain Falcon thought to himself as various fighters started to leave. Captain Falcon saw that Roy and the villager had already left the room, no doubt planning for their upcoming fight. As he looked around, he noticed that Wii Fit Trainer was standing there, looking around the room. Sensing an opportunity to be Mr. Nice Guy, Captain Falcon walked over to his partner. "Hey, everything all right?"

"Well, I was looking around for my brother since we were suppose to eat dinner together, but I don't see him anywhere. Looks like I'll have to eat dinner alone."

"Why don't you come eat dinner with me?" Captain Falcon asked.

"With you? That sounds nice!" replied Wii Fit Trainer. "But, don't you usually eat with Roy? I really don't want to intrude."

"Nonsense! Besides, Roy will not be eating with me tonight. He is too busy trying to find a way to kick my ass. Although he'll probably be searching for a way for a very long time. Let's go!" He grabbed Wii Fit Trainer by her arm before she could protest and led her down to the cafeteria.

Once both fighters got their food, Falcon and Wii Fit Trainer sat down at an empty table. "So, tell me a bit about yourself," said Captain Falcon as he shoved a good portion of his steak into his mouth. "What is your life outside of this tournament? Why are you participating in the tournament? I am your partner in this tournament and I honestly don't know much about you."

"Well, I work daily with my brother to try and get people all around the world to exercise and be fit. I entered the tournament to show that although I may just be a simple fitness trainer, I can go out there and kick some ass. I also wanted to be taken more seriously and performing well in the tournament will certainly help my cause. I just wish the fighters here treat me better though. Barely any of the fighters here have even acknowledge me," Wii Fit trainer sadly noted.

"Nonsense!" declared Captain Falcon. "You are a fantastic fighter. After they all see how you took care of Olimar, I'm sure more fighters will see that you belong here."

"Thanks," Wii Fit Trainer said with a slight hint of a blush. "How about you? I've told you a bit about myself. It's only fair if you return the favor."

"Very well," Captain Falcon laughed. "Let's see, I'm just a regular guy who enjoys a good fight. Before I decided to join Smash, I was a racer for F-Zero and occasionally I partook in bounty hunting as well."

"Bounty hunting and racing? Aren't both of these jobs dangerous? Have you ever gotten hurt?"

"Never too seriously. There hasn't been a job or race that was too tough for me to handle. In fact, I've won every F-Zero tournament to date and haven't ever failed a single bounty," bragged Captain Falcon.

"Wow..." Wii Fit Trainer said. The two fighters continued to make small talk as they continued to eat their dinner. After they finished eating, Captain Falcon asked Wii Fit Trainer, "Are you going to be busy later this evening? If not, perhaps you and I could enjoy a nice night in my room?"

Wii Fit Trainer bit her lip nervously. " _Was this what her brother warned her about? However, Falcon seemed nice enough from their conversation together. Still, it would be better safe than sorry. She needed to find a way to turn down the offer without offending the racer."_ After a minute, she came up with a solution. "Well, I'm not sure whether we're far enough in our friendship where I'd spend an evening alone with you. I've really known you for only a day." As Captain Falcon's face fell, Wii Fit Trainer quickly pitched in. "I have another idea though. I was thinking you could help find a team of fighters to spar with us tomorrow. The next fights are going to be even tougher than the ones today. If we get in some training, we can refine our teamwork. The only problem is that I really don't know any of the fighters here.."

Captain Falcon thought to himself. _"Damn. I thought I had a shot! Then again, this gives me an excuse to spend more time with the trainer."_ He replied, "Let's go find some people to spar with! I already know the perfect duo. They are a very experienced pair. Follow me." Captain Falcon led Wii Fit Trainer to the opposite end of the cafeteria where Fox was drinking a beer. "Hi Fox," greeted Captain Falcon.

"Falcon, Wii Ft Trainer, what can I do for you?" asked Fox.

"I was wondering whether you and Falco would like to train with us tomorrow," Falcon said to Fox. "Wii Fit Trainer and I need to prepare for our next match."

"Well..." began Fox, but he was swiftly interrupted by a sudden kick to the back. Falco had arrived! "Absolutely not!" thundered Falco. "Fox and I need more alone time together in order to rekindle our bromance. We do not have time to play with you two!"

"But, if we train together, it also gives you two a chance to work out any kinks you two have in your teamwork," said Wii Fit Trainer.

Falco paused to give what Wii Fit trainer said some thought. "No, I don't want Fox to be distracted by your breasts or Captain Falcon's biceps!"

"Falco, how many times do I have to tell you, I have a girlfriend!" exclaimed Fox. "I'm not going to go around and check out every fighter I see."

"That's it!" cried out Falco. "That is why our teamwork is failing! How did I not see it before? We lost because you are too busy with your girlfriend! That is what is causing our teamwork to fall apart! You are going to break up with Krystal right now in for the team!" Falco got up and started to drag Fox out of the cafeteria.

As Wii Fit Trainer blankly stared at the scene playing out in front of her, Captain Falcon merely shrugged his shoulders. "Wow, Falco really does need help," he said. "I guess we should go look for another pair to train with." The pair left in search of another team to train with. Neither fighter noticed Olimar trailing after them.

"I'm sorry Falcon ,but Shulk and I already agreed to train with Roy tomorrow," Steve said. Captain Falcon and Wii Fit Trainer were currently in the common room. They had been looking for fighters to train with for the past hour, but still couldn't find anyone. As Captain Falcon started to walk away, Steve said, "Wait, I know who you can train with!"

"Who?" asked Captain Falcon.

"Robin and Lucina. They were knocked out in the first round. Besides, doesn't Lucina want to spar with you anyway? This would give you a great opportunity. They are right there." Steve pointed to the couch where his female counterpart and Lucina were sitting.

Captain Falcon exclaimed, "That is a great idea." As he began to walk away, Steve quickly pulled him aside. "This while give you some time alone with three ladies," he whispered to Falcon. He then gave Falcon a wink and a hard slap across his bottom. Captain Falcon shuddered at the sudden contact with his butt, but nonetheless went over to Robin and Lucina. "Hi girls," he greeted the two fighters.

"Hello, Falcon," both fighters greeted.

"So girls," Falcon began. "Wii Fit Trainer and I need sparring partners to prepare for the upcoming fight in two days. We were wondering whether you two would like to train with us."

Lucina turned to Robin. Both woman nodded. "Absolutely!" said Lucina. "I already promised to train with you earlier and I'd like to see how much stronger I've gotten."

"Besides, this also gives me an another opportunity to see how Wii Fitness Trainer fights," Robin added.

Wii Fit Trainer looked at the female tactician strangely. "I'm sorry, but I don't believe I've fought you yet."

Robin smiled. "I haven't fought you yet, but I've had the chance to fight against your brother in the first round. He defeated me then. I can't wait to see how your strength compares to his and how my new strategies work out."

"Speaking of my brother, who did he end up teaming with," Wii Fit Trainer asked.

"I believe the man's name was Ganondorf." Lucina replied. Upon hearing this, Captain Falcon gave a big groan. All three ladies looked at the racer. "What's wrong with Ganondorf?" questioned Wii Fit Trainer.

"Ganondorf is a douchebag," Falcon stated. "He thinks that he can come in here, steal my move set, and get all of my fangirls! Thanks to him, I'm not the most popular fighter anymore. All the fans want to see him and his manly legs. Screw him! I can hold my leg out as long as he can in the up-tilt position as well." As Falcon went rambling on about Ganondorf, Wii Fit Trainer told the other two, "So how does tomorrow at 11 sound?"

"Sounds lovely. See you then." Robin and Lucina left the room. Wii Fit Trainer turned to Falcon who was still continuing to insult Ganondorf. "Ok, that is enough. Ganondorf is a huge jerk. Now Lucina and Robin have agreed to meet us tomorrow at 11 to train." Captain Falcon gave a huge fist pump. "I'm a bit tired out after all the fighting today. I'm going to my room to get some rest. You should as well. A healthy night's sleep can make all the difference." Wii Fit Trainer left the room.

Captain Falcon glanced at Wii Fit Trainer as she left the room, eyes glued to her butt. "All right!" He exclaimed as he raced out of the common room and to his own  
bedroom. He couldn't wait for tomorrow. Meanwhile, Olimar who had been following Falcon, crept out of the common room as well. He now had a brilliant plan. He was not going to let Captain Falcon get in his way to his goddess.

* * *

"Captain Falcon did what?" roared male Wii Fit Trainer. As soon as Olimar got word of what Falcon was doing, he ran over to Pikachu's room where he knew the male Wii Fit Trainer would be. "That womanizing dirtbag already has my sister and yet has surrounded himself with even more women?" Wii Fit Trainer winced as he was suddenly shocked. "Darn it Pikachu, I'm doing as many push-ups as I can!" Pikachu began to call out his name repeatedly. "What is he saying?" he called out to Princess Peach.

"He wants you to shut up and continue your push-ups. You still have twenty more this set," replied the Princess. Wii Fit Trainer groaned and continue to lower his body as a smiling Pikachu was dancing on his back. In the background, Ganondorf was being spanked by a giggling Jigglypuff. "And you Olimar." The princess turned to the astronaut. "Pikachu requests that you don't distract his newest slave with any more trivial news."

Wii Fit Trainer turned his head upwards. "Trivial news? My sister is surrounding herself with pervert and you call that trivial news? That does it. I'm leaving this room and giving Falcon a piece of my mind." As he began to get up and leave, Wii Fit Trainer was shocked again by the electric Pokémon. "That really hurts!" Pikachu began to chatter.

"Well, Pikachu tells you to stop being a little bitch!" Peach shot back. "He also says that if you leave now, you'll have to repeat all you sets of push-ups. Do you really want to do another twenty sets of one hundred push-ups?" Wii Fit Trainer remained silent. "I thought so. Now get back to work slave!" As Wii Fit Trainer continued his push-ups, he yelled out, "Fine, but I'm going to destroy Falcon tomorrow. When is he meeting everyone?"

"He is meeting them at 11," answered Olimar. At this moment, Peach grabbed the little captain and slapped him out of the room, closing the door as Olimar was sent flying. Olimar slowly got up. "That whore!" he yelled aloud. "Oh well, at least Captain Falcon won't be Wii Fit Trainer's boyfriend after tomorrow. He began to snigger.

The next morning, Captain Falcon woke up energized and refreshed. He took a look at his clock. It read 10:15. Falcon dashed out of his bed, took care of his daily rituals and ate his breakfast. As he finished eating, he saw that he had five minutes to make it to the training room. Captain Falcon left the cafeteria and starting to make his way to the training room. At the training room entrance, he was met by his partner. "Good morning," he greeted.

"Good morning," Wii Fit Trainer replied back. She turned to the control panel of the training room. "Samus and Zelda were here earlier. They warned me not to use the Battlefield stadium. Which stadium should I set our training to?"

Captain Falcon stroked his chin and looked at the panel. "That is odd. The panel says that there isn't anything wrong with Battlefield. Did either of them give a reason as to why to not use it?"

Wii Fit Trainer shook her head. "No they did not." Captain Falcon shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever, just set the stadium to Final Destination," he told the fitness trainer. At this moment, Robin and Lucina arrived. "Good morning," said Robin. "Sorry we were late. Lucina here decided to oversleep. So, which stadium are we going to train in?"

"Final Destination," Falcon said. As he finished speaking, the training room morphed into the familiar flat platform of Final Destination. "Let's begin!" he declared as he charged Lucina and brought out his knee. Lucina barely brought up her sword in time to block Falcon's knee, but the blow still sent her stumbling backwards. Captain Falcon continued a relentless assault on the swordswoman, further pushing her towards the edge. After a well placed elbow, he easily knocked Lucina out of the arena.

Lucina groaned as she respawned back on stage. " _What is going on?"_ She wondered. " _I thought I got stronger, but I was still easily crushed."_ She charged towards Captain Falcon, brandishing her Falchion in an attempt to slice his chest, but Falcon easily sidestepped the bluenette and threw her down to the ground. As she got up, Falcon suddenly lashed out with a swift kick, sending her back down. Lucina pounded the ground in frustration as she got up again. "Why?" she asked Falcon. "Why am I still getting beaten around? I've trained a lot since our last fight and I'm still getting crushed."

"It's because your defense still needs a little work. Also once you get a little flustered, you recklessly charge your opponent, leaving yourself easily counterable," Falcon pointed out. "I've fought against plenty of swordsman here so I have a lot of experience in dealing with them." As Captain Falcon was about to give more advice, the stadium suddenly changed back into a gray room. "What on earth?" Captain Falcon looked around.

"I knew it! You are here to try and mess around!" accused the male Wii Fit Trainer. He walked over to his sister. "I warned you that he was a pervert. How did he manage to string you along and get you into a polyamorous relationship?"

"I am not in a relationship with Captain Falcon!" female Wii Fit Trainer fired back. "I am training with him and the other women for our next fight against Roy and the villager. How can you accuse me of fooling around?"

"Training? Is that what you kids call it these days? That is terrible!" As the two Wii Fit Trainers continued to argue. Lucina asked Falcon, "What is going on?"

Before Falcon could reply, Robin pitched in, "Oh, male Wii Fit Trainer thinks his female counterpart is seeing Captain Falcon and is not very happy."

Lucina asked, "What is wrong with Captain Falcon? He seems nice enough."

"He is just being an overprotective big brother. However, it is somewhat justified. Captain Falcon is a known womanizer." Captain Falcon face palmed as Robin let this fact slip out of her mouth. Lucina gasped and turned to the racer. "So you are the type of man my father has warned me about! You only wanted to train with me in order to get to my body."

Captain Falcon quickly replied, "Wait. That was a different me back then. I'm not the same man I used to be. I truly wanted to train with you and Robin solely to improve my skills and get ready for my fight with Roy.

Lucina looked over Captain Falcon. "Fine, I believe you for now. Just don't try anything funny."

Suddenly, Master Hand rushed into the training room. He took a look around, "Hey, there isn't an orgy going on here." He turned to male Wii Fit Trainer. "I thought you said there was an orgy here?" He then looked around and saw Captain Falcon and the other three ladies. "Or did you guys already finish up?"

Everyone except male Wii fit Trainer yelled, "There was no orgy!"

"Oh, false alarm then. My b." Master Hand left the room. "Now, I got a complaint about Battlefield. Can you guys all leave the room so I can do a quick check?" All the fighters left the room in order to let Master Hand pass. As they waited for Master Hand to finish, they suddenly heard him exclaim, "Not again! That does it! Samus and Zelda are banned from the training rooms for the next month!" He exited the stage and went over to the fighters. "Sorry, I need to do some cleaning now. The training rooms are now closed."

Captain Falcon woke up the next day. Thanks to Master Hand, he wasn't able to get any more training done. He went over to the common room to get ready for his fight with Roy and villager. when he arrived, he was immediately greeted by a sudden hug from the villager. "Stop that Villager-chan, we have business to take care of," said Roy. The female villager gave Roy a glare, but let go of Falcon. Falcon raised an eyebrow. "Villager-chan?"

"Just a way to distinguish the two villagers," Roy replied. Wii Fit Trainer also entered the room and greeted the three fighters. "Should we all go down to the teleporter?"

"Let's go!" all four fighters went down to the teleporter and waited to be transported to the stadium. As the waiting room turned into Pokémon Stadium, Captain Falcon quickly said to Roy, "Let's have a good match."

"You too," Roy said back. At this point, Master Hand gave them the go ahead to begin the match. Captain Falcon immediately charged Roy, his foot clashing with Roy's sword. The two exchanged blows, sending both fighters backwards. As Captain falcon took a second to catch his breath, he heard a loud scream behind him. He turned around. Villager-chan had already dispatched Wii Fitness Trainer. Falcon's jaw dropped. It was only ten seconds into the match. Villager-chan turned around and waved at Falcon. She then began to walk over towards the racer. Captain Falcon swore and prepared himself in a defensive stance. Suddenly, Villager-chan dashed past Captain Falcon and dropped a bowling ball on Roy's head, sending him off the stage. She turned jumped after Roy, smacking him down with tulips and joining him in the abyss.

"The Winner is Captain Falcon and Wii Fit Trainer!" declared Master Hand. Roy still stood flabbergasted as to what just happened, not believing that his own partner just stabbed him in the back. Captain Falcon shrugged his shoulders. "I'll take it." At least he didn't need to do his own laundry for the next month.

* * *

Ok, next chapter will probably be the end of the tournament. After that the story is pretty open, so if anyone has any suggestions/characters they want to see more of, feel free to let me know and I'll see what I can do.


	12. A New Bet with Pikachu

Ok, things have been a little hectic for the past two weeks, so I've haven't been able to update as frequently as I would've liked. That being said, here is the next chapter!

* * *

"I say that doesn't count." They were in the cafeteria and Roy was still outraged over the outcome of the fight. "If Villager-chan doesn't betray me, we would've won the fight." He glared at the villager, who was currently sitting next to Captain Falcon and doing her best to cuddle up as close as possible to the racer.

"Well, Master Hand declared me the winner, as such I won the bet!" Falcon said. "I hope you'll enjoy doing my laundry for the next month." Captain Falcon took a big bite out of his burger. "Now, I want to see you later in my room to work out the details."

"Alright. I'm taking your dessert though." Roy reached over and grabbed Falcon's slice of pie. "So are you ready for your semi-final match tomorrow against Pikachu and Jigglypuff?"

Captain Falcon groaned. Wii Fit Trainer looked at him strangely. "What is wrong with Pikachu and Jigglypuff? They look adorable!"

"Looks can be deceiving. Pikachu may have the face of an angel, but he is fact the spawn of Satan. Jigglypuff is his partner in crime. Together they have been bullying everyone here. In fact I sure almost everyone here owes some kind of debt to Pikachu. Whenever there is any sort of wager or bet, Pikachu goes in and wins it. He then forces his victim into all sorts of humiliating situations. Haven't you wondered where your brother has been the past few days? He was Pikachu's first victim this tournament!"

"So that's why my brother has been missing all this time!" exclaimed Wii Fit Trainer. "So he has been with Pikachu, doing whatever the little rat wanted? Does Master Hand know about this?"

"Master Hand knows." Captain Falcon sighed. "He allows this to happen as it gives him another form of entertainment around here. I'm starting to wish that we didn't win so then we wouldn't have to face Pikachu."

"You know, you could say that you had a change of heart regarding your victory over me," chimed in Roy. "You can admit that you didn't deserve to win and that the real winners of the game were Villager-chan and me."

"I'm sorry Roy, but you know that Master Hand would never accept that. Besides, you doing my laundry will be excellent consolation." Roy groaned.

"Back to the match on hand," said Wii Fit Trainer. "Are Pikachu and Jigglypuff really that strong of a team?"

"That strong of a team?" repeated Captain Falcon. "That would be an understatement. The only team that could have had a chance at defeating the two Pokémon were the Mario brothers. However, since Mario is now teaming with Princess Peach, I don't think there is any team capable of defeating them."

"Wait a second. Why do we need to wager anything in this fight? Can't we just fight them head-to-head without any other motives aside from having a good fight?" asked Wii Fit Trainer.

"Easier said than done." Captain Falcon looked up at the clock. "Alright, we've been here long enough. Roy, you and I have some business to discuss. Wii Fit Trainer, get some rest and prepare for the fight of your life." Villager-chan." The villager looked up at Captain Falcon with the best come hither look she could give. Captain Falcon recoiled. "Um...just don't watch me while I sleep tonight or something."

"Tee-hee, alright then." As the villager jumped away she turned around and said, "I won't watch you sleep, but that doesn't mean I won't watch you while you are taking a shower." She smiled and continued to walk away. The other three fighters stared as the villager left the cafeteria.

"She is a bit creepy isn't she?" Wii Fit Trainer noted. Roy and Falcon both nodded. Wii Fit Trainer got up from the table. "Well, I'm going to retire for the evening. Good night gentlemen." She left the cafeteria.

* * *

"Alright, I like to do my laundry every other day. It ensures that my racing suits always look good and smell nice. Ideally, I'd do my laundry every day, but that is a bit too much, even for me. I expect the same diligence I show to my suits that you'll show to them." Captain Falcon now moved over to the next cabinet. "Here is where I place all of my gloves and racing helmet. I want them cleaned at the same time as well."

"Wait a second, I agreed to just do your laundry, not clean your accessories".

"My gloves and helmet are a part of my clothing as well." Falcon opened the neighboring closet. "Here is where I keep all of my boots. I want these cleaned once a week. Now onwards!" Falcon stopped at his last cabinet. "Here is where I keep my underwear." Roy took a look. It was full of white underwear. Captain Falcon smiled. "Nothing beats a good pair of tighty-whities. Now onto the next and most important business!" Captain Falcon began to take off his racing suit.

"What the..." Roy was rendered speechless as he watched Captain Falcon strip down to only his boxer-briefs. After a moment, he finally found his voice. "What are you doing?" Roy yelled out. "I thought I was here to help you find a love interest, not be your love interest!"

"Don't get the wrong idea!" Captain Falcon cried out. "I was stripping down so I could show you my lucky drawers! These need to be hand washed every night after I have worn them. Seeing as I worn them in battle today, I need them washed. Can you turn around for a second?" Roy nodded and turned around. After a moment, Captain Falcon said, "You can turn back now." Roy turned back around. Captain Falcon was dressed back in his signature racing suit. The only difference was that he was now holding his lucky drawers in his right hand. "I need these washed and cleaned in time for tomorrow morning. I need them in time for my fight tomorrow."

Roy looked at Captain Falcon. "Who do you think you are? The Fresh-Prince? I am not washing your lucky drawers."

"Hey man, you agreed to do my laundry. If you back down, you'll be forever known as a big pussy." Captain Falcon chuckled.

"Fine." Roy grabbed Falcon's pair of lucky drawers. "That means that you'll have to fulfill your end of the bargain."

"Bargain?" Falcon questioned. "What are you talking about?"

"Remember when I agreed to help you try and find a girlfriend? Well, when you got a successful date, you were suppose to steal her panties? Well, where are Wii Fit Trainer's panties?"

Captain Falcon exclaimed, "I haven't gotten a date with her yet. I can't just steal her panties!"

"What do you call partnering up with her this tournament. That is a date!"

"No it isn't!" argued Falcon. "There hasn't been a kiss or anything romantic."

"Well I disagree." Roy pulled out a list from his back pocket. "I asked many of the fighters whether your situation with Wii Fit Trainer constitutes as an actual date." He showed the list to Falcon. "As you can see, everyone that I asked agreed that this counted as a date."

Captain Falcon looked over the list. "Seriously, the first person you asked was King Dedede? Really?"

Roy shrugged his shoulders. "He was the first fighter that I met. Besides have you seen King Dedede when he is wearing his pink outfit? Someone who can rock that color of pink has to know a thing or two about the ladies."

Captain Falcon said, "Hey, I can rock pink as well if I really wanted to. I just choose not to." He continued to scan the list. "You asked Lucas. What does that little kid know about dating?"

"I thought it would be best if I branched out and asked all demographics to get a proper consensus on whether you teaming with Wii Fit Trainer counts as a date."

"So wait!" Captain Falcon had a realization. "Does that mean that you and Villager-chan are also on a date? Does that mean Fox and Falco went on a date?"

"Of course not. I teamed up with Villager-chan because I really didn't have much of a choice. You teamed up with Wii Fit Trainer with the hopes of potentially taking the next step in the relationship. As such this makes your situation a date. As for Fox and Falco, that is something I'd rather not get into."

Captain Falcon shook his head. "Alright fine, I guess I'm going to have to steal a pair of Wii Fit Trainers panties. Can it at least wait though until after the tournament ends?"

Roy thought to himself for a moment. "Ok," he agreed. "I can wait until you are knocked out of the tournament. In exchange, the pair of panties you steal must be ones that are freshly worn." Captain Falcon silently stared at the redhead. "What?"

"You have a serious problem Roy. Are you sure you don't need to see Dr. Mario?"

"No! I'm absolutely fine. Now then, I'm going off to wash your lucky drawers." Roy left Falcon's room, grumbling to himself as he walked out. Captain Falcon walked to his bed and began his bedroom aerobics. If he was going to be humiliated by the two Pokémon, he may as well look his best doing so.

 **Meanwhile in Wii Fit Trainer's room...**

"Oh god, what are doing in my room? Better question, why are you wearing a maid's outfit?" Wii Fit Trainer cried out. Wii Fit Trainer hadn't expected anyone in her room, let alone her brother sitting on her bed wearing a maid outfit. "Brook, what have I told you about crossdressing?"

"Please don't call me by my name," male Wii Fit Trainer said. "You know mom thought I'd be a girl as well, so she gave me that name and once she found out I was a boy, she was too lazy to change my name. As for the maid costume, I'm only wearing this because Pikachu ordered me to."

"Well, Pikachu isn't here right now, so can't you just wear normal clothes?" asked Wii Fit Trainer.

Brook shook his head. "I can't take that risk. Pikachu has spies everywhere. If he finds out I'm not wearing his handpicked costume, he'll rip me apart. Listen, I'm here to give you a warning about him. Do not fight Pikachu or else you'll end up like me." He gestured towards his clothing.

"Can't I just fight Pikachu and not take part in any side wager? Doesn't seem like that hard of a concept to grasp."

"Well, I'll admit I underestimated him and accepted his wager a little hastily despite Ganondorf's warning. But he made an offer I couldn't refuse. Besides, Ganondorf also accepted a bet as well. I couldn't help it."

"Well, what was this offer you couldn't refuse?" Wii Fit Trainer was curious as to just how Pikachu managed to tempt her brother into possibly doing something so incredibly stupid.

"Er... I'd rather not say." Brook began nervously shifting about. He looked down at his watch. "Oh, looks like it is time for me to report back to Pikachu. I got to go. Bye." He rushed out of the room.

* * *

Captain Falcon nervously paced about as he waited in the waiting room. Wii Fit Trainer was to the side warming up and stretching out. Neither Pikachu nor Jigglypuff had arrived yet. Hr had his mind set. No matter what offer Pikachu came up to him with, he was not going to accept it. He was ok with getting his ass handed to him by the little mouse, but he was not ok with potentially having to dress up like a baby and being cradled by King Dedede again. He shuddered at the thought of going through that torture. He was quickly brought out of his thoughts by two flickers of light signaling the arrival of Pikachu and Jigglypuff. Pikachu walked over to the racer and handed him a piece of paper. Captain Falcon cautiously took it from Pikachu's hands and began reading what was written. "Are you serious?" he asked Pikachu as he finished reading. Pikachu nodded and began saying his name enthusiastically.

"No, don't do it," a voice cried. Captain Falcon looked over his shoulder. A little miniature Captain Falcon decked out in white with a yellow halo over his head had appeared on his shoulder. "You can't defeat Pikachu and Jigglypuff. If you lose, you'll have to help Peach with her annual ball. You know how much of a slaved driver she is. Don't be fooled."

"Nonsense!" another voice exclaimed. Falcon turned his head. Another miniature Captain Falcon wearing red with black horns protruding out of his head and carrying a red trident appeared on Falcon's other shoulder. "You can beat those two brats! And when you do, he'll be forced to hook you up with both Palutena and Rosalina. It'll be your fantasy come true! Agree to the bet."

"No you can't take this risk!" Angel Falcon argued. "Don't be a fool. Don't gamble your dignity. It is not worth it!"

"Three-way! Three-way!" Devil Falcon chanted. Captain Falcon smiled and flicked Angel Falcon away. "I agree to these terms! If I win, you'll help me hook with both Palutena and Rosalina. If I lose, I'll help Princess Peach with her annual ball and listen to whatever orders she gives." He brought his hand out and Pikachu shook his hand.

While Pikachu and Falcon were working out their deal, Jigglypuff went over to Wii Fit Trainer and handed her a piece of paper as well. Wii Fit Trainer read what was written aloud. "Pikachu doesn't bet with ladies because he is a true gentleman." She looked over to the yellow Pokémon. Pikachu winked at her and performed a small bow. "Looks like I lost all of my sleep for nothing," she muttered to herself.

At this moment the waiting room morphed into Final Destination. Master Hand's voice rang out in the background. "The battle will begin in 3...2...1...Go!" At the cue, Captain Falcon charged Pikachu, hoping to put the little rat in his place Captain Falcon unleashed a series of rapid jabs and kicks, hoping to knock out Pikachu, but the Pokémon was able to duck or sidestep his way out of each blow. Undeterred, Falcon rushed forward with a Falcon Kick, striking Pikachu and sending the yellow mouse off the stage. As Pikachu struggled to recover from the kick, Captain Falcon looked over to where his partner was battling Jigglypuff. Jigglypuff was currently pummeling Wii Fit Trainer, keeping her pinned while pounding her with each slap.

Captain Falcon was having none of that! He initiated man mode, flying through the air and landing on the puffball with a glorious Knee of Justice. The knee sent Jigglypuff backwards. Captain Falcon extended his hand to help Wii Fit Trainer up. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"I'm fi..." But before she could finish, Wii Fit Trainer gasped as Captain Falcon suddenly lurched forward. Pikachu had connected with a fully charged skull bash on the unsuspecting racer, sending him flying away. As Captain Falcon tried to recover from the blow, he found himself next to a very sleepy Jigglypuff. "Oh no!" he cried out as Jigglypuff rested him, sending him soaring out the stage. Wii Fit Trainer soon joined him as she was also sent flying by a power flick of Pikachu's tail.

"The winner is Pikachu and Jigglypuff!" Master Hand announced. Captain Falcon groaned. He got emasculated by the two Pokemon in front of the woman he was trying to impress, had to prepare to be Peach's bitch in a week, and worst of all, missed out on a chance for a threesome. Today was not a good day to be Captain Falcon...

* * *

Poor Captain Falcon...


	13. Halloween Special

Happy Halloween! Here is a Halloween Special Chapter while I figure out what'll happen the next few chapters. This takes place before the start of the first chapter. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Captain Falcon struck a heroic pose as he checked himself out in the mirror. "I'm looking super fine!" he declared aloud. Today was Halloween and Captain Falcon had decided to dress up as Batman. After all, when it came to the ladies, Batman was very popular. As such, Captain Falcon was hoping to emulate Batman and get a date with one of the ladies tonight. He needed to show his moves at the Halloween Dance tonight. The best part was that all of the younger fighters were off trick-or-treating, so Captain Falcon could bust out all of his moves without having to worry about scaring the children. He looked over his costume one last time, making sure that nothing was out of place. With a flick of his cape, Captain Falcon left to go to the common room where the dance was taking place. It was a bit early, but he needed to make a good early impression.

As Captain Falcon arrived at the dance, the finishing touches were being put on the decorations. Princess Peach, who had decided to dress up as Catwoman was directing a very disgruntled Wario, who was dressed up as Mr. Potato Head, on where all of the refreshments were suppose to go. "Mr. Potato Head, put the jello shots next to the candy corn." Wario groaned, but did as he was told. As Captain Falcon continued to watch Peach order Wario around, he found that he could not take his eyes off the princess. _"I need to figure out a good way to start the conversation,"_ Falcon thought to himself. "The last time Falcon decided to just charge in and try to make a move on Peach, he ended up getting showered by Toad's spores. It took a whole week just to wash away the smell.

Crack! Falcon's head shot up as he suddenly heard the sound of a whip. Wario had just dropped the Halloween cookies and Peach was upset. With a flick of her wrist, she moved the whip forward, making contact right next to Wario, who was curled up in a ball. "Damn it Wario, why do you always mess up the cookies? At least you didn't eat them all like last year and let loose a colossal fart!" As Peach continued to reprimand Wario, Captain Falcon was finding tougher and tougher to resist his base instincts to just jump in _. "Oh god, her costume even came with the whip? My dark knight is rising! That does it, I'm going in Batman style!"_ Captain Falcon snuck his way into the room, making sure that no one saw him. He jumped onto the ceiling and steadily made his way towards the Princess. He positioned himself so that he was above the princess and jumped down.

"I'm Batman!" he rasped as he landed next to the Princess. Unfortunately for the caped crusader, he didn't quite stick the landing. As Falcon tried to maintain his balance, he tripped over his cape. Falcon frantically reached out to grab a hold of anything that would prevent him from falling. He managed to wrap his arms around Peach and stopped himself from falling over. Falcon noticed that his hands had grabbed onto something soft and gave a nice squeeze.

Needless to say, Peach was not amused over suddenly being groped. She quickly tossed her assailant over her shoulder. She then picked up her whip and began beating up the idiot dressed as Batman. "Pervert!" she cried out as she continued to whip Captain Falcon. Captain Falcon grunted as a particular strike struck him in the balls. "Owie Wowie!" He yelped.

"Wait a second, I recognize that voice." Peach pulled off Falcon's mask. "I knew it. Captain Falcon! Only you would try to cop a feel!" She began to beat him even more.

"Ok. That's enough." Ike, dressed up as the Terminator had seen enough. "Today is Halloween. No need for anymore violence on such a joyous holiday. Let's just get him to the doctor."

* * *

"I still can't believe it!" Dr. Mario was fuming. "Captain Falcon can't even go one Halloween without getting himself beat up." He placed a pill in an unconscious Falcon's mouth. "Alright, that should do the trick. Time to go and party." Dr. Mario left his makeshift hospital room next to the common room to get his boogie on.

An hour later, Captain Falcon finally woke up. He looked over his costume and sighed. His Batman costume was now all torn up and bloodied after what Peach did to him. "What happened? I thought Catwoman and Batman were suppose to hook up." He shook his head and slapped his cheeks a few times. "No matter. Even though I don't have a shot at winning the costume contest, I can now say that I got injured fighting crime. Chicks dig the injured hero routine." He jumped out of the bed and rushed back to the dance.

When Captain Falcon arrived back at the dance, he saw that everyone had arrived and were doing all sorts of activities. There were the fighters who just hung around next to the refreshments, grabbing the goodies whenever they came. Then there were does who were hanging around and chatting. Finally, there were those who were out on the dance floor, having a good time. Captain Falcon decided the first thin he'd do was get something a drink. He walked over to grab himself a glass of Hawaiian Punch. As he was sipping his drink, Link was standing nearby, dressed in his usual entire, minus all of his weapons . Deciding to be friendly, Captain Falcon greeted the Hyrulian. "Hey... Peter Pan right?"

Link stomped the floor. "Why does everyone think I came to the party as Peter Pan? I'm not wearing a costume! I'm just dressed up the same as always. It's not my fault we weren't allowed to bring any weapons here." Link threw up his arms and left. Captain Falcon shrugged his shoulders. How was he suppose to know? As he was pondering his next course of action (aka how to hit on the woman), there was a sudden commotion in the middle of the dance floor. Captain Falcon walked over to take a look.

Falco and Wolf were currently wrestling with each other on the ground. "You home wrecker!" he cried out. "Fox and I were suppose to be dressed up as Bert and Ernie! But no, you just had to approach him with the idea of dressing up as each other. How gay! You ruined any shot of me winning the costume contest!"

Wolf punched Falco in the face. "Aren't you over exaggerating just a little bit? Besides my costume idea was dope!"

"Break it up you two!" Fox attempted to stop the two space animals from fighting. He pulled Falco away from Wolf. "Falco, I told you beforehand that I wasn't going to dress up as Ernie. I'll have a word with you later." Falco flipped Fox the birdie and walked away. Fox now turned to Wolf. "Damn it, I told you it was a bad idea. Man, ever since I started seeing Krystal, Falco has been a bit of a wanker." Fox shook his head. "Why didn't I just dress up as a Teletubbie and pay off my debts like a smart person." He shook his head again and left the room to have a chat with Falco.

Everyone went back to doing what they were doing before the fight. Captain Falcon took a look around the room. His eyes quickly fell upon a Hyrulian Princess who was currently dancing with... Batman? Captain Falcon was enraged. Not only was someone dancing with his soon to be girlfriend, but this man also had the audacity to dress up as Batman as well. Captain Falcon strode over to the other masked man and punched him right in the face. As the man was sent flying, Captain Falcon said to the Princess, "Don't worry you are safe now. The real Batman is here." He expected a hug or maybe if he was lucky, a kiss. What Falcon didn't expect was Zelda to instead run over to the fallen man.

"Sorry," Zelda whispered.

"I signed up for this. No need to apologize. I just wish it was the right person punching me out for your heart. Not Captain Falcon." The mystery man was rudely interrupted as Captain Falcon grabbed him.

"Time to see who you are," Falcon sneered. He took off the mask of the other Batman. "Ganondorf! You copy my moveset and now you copy my costume while trying to make a move on Zelda!" Captain Falcon punched the villain in the face, knocking him out cold. Falcon then strode over to Zelda. "I have saved you from the evil Ganondorf."

Zelda slapped Falcon in the face. "Idiot!" she yelled. "You ruined everything!" Zelda stormed off.

Captain Falcon massaged the area where he'd been slapped. That had really hurt. At least he wasn't going to the hospital though. At that moment, Samus walked in the room. In an instant, Falcon was one knee in front of the bounty hunter. "Oh Beautiful Samus, will you not grace me with one dance?"

"Where is Zelda?" she asked testily.

"Ah I like how you think. Skip the dance and move on to a threesome." Captain Falcon grinned. That grin turned into a big frown though as his face was quickly introduced to Samus's fist. "I struck out!" he exclaimed as he was sent flying into the refreshment stand. As he slowly got up, he was met face to face with a very angry penguin king.

"You just ruined all of the cupcakes!" whined King Dedede. "You must pay with your body." He pulled out his hammer.

"Ah man..." Captain Falcon said before King Dedede began raining down a flurry of blows from his hammer.

Captain Falcon woke up from the hospital bed the next day. He had failed again. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Falcon would just have to try again as soon as he fully recovered.

* * *

Next Time, Captain Falcon begins plotting a way to steal Wii Fit Trainer's undergarments. What amazing plan will he come up with?


	14. Operation Panties(Brainstorm)

Here's another exciting chapter of Captain Falcon's Lady Quest. Hope you guys enjoy.

* * *

"We tried our best." Wii Fit Trainer was attempting to console Captain Falcon. However, Falcon was unresponsive. "Well, I enjoyed partnering up with you for the tournament. It was fun. Maybe we can team up again sometime." She left the man alone to tend to his own thoughts.

"Looks like the lucky drawers didn't help," Roy noted as he saw Falcon finally exit out of the arena. "I stayed up all night hand washing them too. Alright so what did Pikachu make you do?"

"How did you know I made a bet with Pikachu?" Captain Falcon asked. "Maybe I was man enough to resist the temptation."

"Every pair Pikachu has fought has bet with him and lost. I don't see how you can be any different. Besides, I doubt you are smart enough to keep yourself from betting with Pikachu."

"Ok, you got me," Falcon admitted. "I thought I was going to win and get a double date with Palutena and Rosalina, but instead I lost and now I have to help Peach prepare for her annual ball in a week."

"Sucks to suck," Roy replied. "Seeing as you have been now eliminated from the tournament, it looks like it is time for you to get me those panties."

Captain Falcon face palmed. He had forgotten that he also had to get a pair of Wii Fit Trainer's panties. "Well, I can't exactly walk up to her and ask her for her underwear." He shook his head. "If I mess up, I'm ruining the only halfway decent relationship I have with a female in the mansion."

"That's not true. There is always Villager-chan." Roy pointed to the female villager. Captain Falcon took a quick glance at the woman, only to flinch back once she blew a kiss at him. "Don't worry, I will gather up a team to help you get the panties."

"Wait a second, if you could just gather a team to get you panties whenever you wanted, then why do you need me?" Captain Falcon questioned the swordsman.

"Simple, I need someone willing to risk their life and reputation to actually try and steal the underwear. There really isn't anyone here willing to be the fall guy if he is caught." Roy laughed. "Let's go to my room and begin working out the details. I've already started to gather some intel."

* * *

"I'm confused, why is he here?" Captain Falcon pointed to Steve, who was lounging on the couch. Roy had brought Captain Falcon in order to show him the team he had assembled. Aside from the tactician, Ness and Sonic were also in Roy's room currently playing videogames. "I thought he is gay. Why is he helping you steal Wii Fit Trainer's panties?"

"I'm here because I owe Roy for hooking me up with Shulk," said Steve. "Not only that, this will also be a good way for me to work on my skills as a tactician."

"You are trying to tell me that helping someone steal female lingerie will help you in war?" Falcon skeptically asked.

Steve nodded. "Absolutely. For example, let's just say I needed to figure out a way to steal valuable treasure from a fort that I'm attacking. I can apply what I learn here to the situation. If you fail horribly, I now know what not to do. If this actually succeeds, than I can apply it back home. Either way works for me."

"That actually makes sense in its own weird way." Captain Falcon now pointed to Ness. "What is he here for then? Isn't he a little young for this?"

Roy smiled. "I see you have met my young protégé. In order to teach Ness how to be man, I thought I'd let him get some firsthand experience." He waved for the young boy to come over. "Ness, how did it go with Rosalina today?"

"Great. She gave me a kiss on the cheek today"

Captain Falcon was stunned speechless. How did the little kid get a kiss from one of the female fighters before he did? He grabbed Ness by the neck and held him against the wall. "How did you do it kid?" He slammed Ness against the wall for more emphasis. "Teach me your magic!"

"That's enough Falcon." Roy pulled Captain Falcon away from the kid. Ness quickly retreated back to Sonic who was still playing videogames in the background. "Ness is able to take advantage of his boyish charms in order to get little kisses and hugs from all of the women here. Of course he won't be looking for any type of serious relationship anytime soon seeing as he is still a boy, but he is willing to learn. Given a few more years and he'll be a stud, putting the moves on plenty of girls his age. Now, I want you to apologize to Ness." Captain Falcon muttered a quick apology to the boy. "Ok, good enough."

"Can we get to the plan?" Captain Falcon was getting a little annoyed.

"Alright. I was planning on waiting for the last member of the team to get here, but I guess I'll start with the plan. Everyone gather around." All of the fighters huddled around Roy as he pulled out a map from his pocket. "Ok, so there isn't a whole of data to go on with the whole doubles tournament has taken up most of everyone's time. From what Sonic has gathered, Wii Fit Trainer spends most of her time in the gym working out. That is good news for us since the gym is quite far from the female wing. Now the problem is security. Master Hand is a bit old fashioned and all the rooms are opened with normal keys. There is no way to make a duplicate and Master Hand will only give another key to the original fighter if the fighter loses the key.

"So we are going to have to steal it?" Falcon asked.

"Correct. I'll get to that part a little later though. The next issue is that when a fighter isn't in their room and someone enters it, there will be an immediate alert to that fighter that there is an intruder. Not only that, the intruder's identity is also revealed to the fighter as well."

"Great, so even if I successfully get into her room and steal the panties, she'll know that it was me?" Falcon asked. "Well, I'm not going to risk my ass to do that."

"And you won't have to." Roy was interrupted by a tap on his door. "Oh good, he better be here."" Roy walked over and opened the door. "Your late. Get your buns over here!" Roy walked back in dragging King Dedede along with him. "Captain Falcon, meet the last addition to the team."

"King Dedede? Are you serious?" Captain Falcon exclaimed. "I'm starting to really worry here."

"Don't be a little bitch Falcon, we got this." Roy began to speak again. "Now that everyone is here, I can tell everyone my spectacular plan."

"You mean my plan," Steve interrupted. "I came up with this whole thing."

"Whatever. Here is the plan. We are going to do this two days from now. It gives us some time to prepare in case something new comes up and it avoids Movie Night. First of all, Steve will go the gym early in the morning and work out with Wii Fit Trainer. During this time, he'll act as a spotter and feel up Wii Fit Trainer to find her key. Although she'll be suspicious, since Steve is gay, I don't think anything bad should happen."

"Why can't I do it?" asked Falcon.

"You'll get beat up by her brother if you try," Steve replied. "I'm the only one who can do this. Ness is just a kid so there is no reason for him to be in the gym, much less ask to spot for Wii Fit Trainer. Roy's reputation isn't that much better than yours, so he is also out of the question. Sonic can't do it because he just doesn't want to. Finally, look at King Dedede. Is there any reason for a fatty like him to be at the gym?"

"Guess not," muttered Falcon. "So what happens next?"

"Well, Steve will tell Ness where she keeps her key. Later in the afternoon, King Dedede and I will stage an argument regarding tacos and burritos. Outraged that I prefer tacos, King Dedede will challenge me to a dance-off. At which point Sonic who will just happen to be conveniently there will dash around and tell everyone of the impending dance-off."

"Wait a second." Captain Falcon pointed at King Dedede. "You are trying to tell me that chubby-cheeks over here can dance?"

King Dedede held his hand up. He slowly lumbered his way towards Captain Falcon. As he approached the racer, he reached into his robes and began dumping out gold medal after gold medal onto the floor. Captain Falcon merely stared at the king as he continued to dump medals on the floor. As King Dedede dropped his last medal on the floor, he began to speak. "You see all these gold medals on the ground? That's right. I'm Dreamland's 23-time dance-off champion. Do you know why Metaknight wears his mask?" Captain Falcon shook his head. "I'll tell you why. He wears the mask to hide his shame of losing to me every time. Now, can you guys help me pick up my medals? It is hard to bend down when you are as fat as I am."

"Before you ask me about my dancing skills, just think about how I have seven wives." Roy said to Captain Falcon as they helped King Dedede pick up his dance medals. "Anyway, back to the plan. Once all of the fighters come down to see the dance off, Ness will use this time to pickpocket Wii Fit Trainer and steal her key."

"How can you guarantee Wii Fit Trainer's presence?" asked Captain Falcon. "And can we really trust Ness to steal the key?"

"Wii Fit Trainer will be there because you know how important dance-offs are in the mansion," Roy replied. "Ike is also always at the gym and I know he'll tell both Wii Fit Trainers why dance-offs are such a big deal. Do you remember the great Dance-Off of '13?" Captain Falcon shook his head. "Oh right, I forgot. You tried to feel up Samus during the dance and got knocked out cold. Well anyway, every fighter was there participating or watching the dance-off. There is no way Wii Fit Trainer won't be there. As for Ness's abilities, I'd suggest you check your pockets." At those words, Captain Falcon began to frantically search his pockets. His wallet was missing! Captain Falcon looked at Ness who tossed him back his wallet. As Captain Falcon put his wallet back in his pocket and glared at the boy, Roy said, "He will be fine. Now comes the difficult part. During the dance-off, Steve will attempt to grind on Shulk. Sonic will be the big tattle-tale like he always is and run down to Master Hand. Master Hand will be furious that such a lewd act will be taking place and will charge down to the dance and stop it. During this time, Sonic will rush into Master Hand's master suite where he has his security and turn off all the alarms. At this point, Ness will give you the key to Wii Fit Trainer's Room. You will probably only have three minutes to grab a pair of her underwear and get out. This should be plenty of time, but knowing you, I can't be sure. Any questions?"

Sonic raised his hand. "Just to be clear, I am getting three chili-dogs as compensation for my part in this mission right?"

"Yes, I'll have your chili-dogs ready."

Captain Falcon now raised his hand. "You are sure about all the security details and stuff right?"

Roy nodded his head. "Of course, Snake did extensive research on everything when he was still in the mansion. I trust all the information that he had gathered in his time. Are there any more questions?" Everyone nodded. "Good, I have the layout of Wii Fit Trainer's room, I think you and I need to take a look. Roy and Captain Falcon began to look over the layout while everyone else went back to playing videogames.

* * *

Villager-chan smiled as she finished recording the conversation. "They'll never know," she giggled. She bounced her way to Olimar's room and knocked on the door. "Hi, Olimar," she greeted as the little astronaut opened the door.

"That is Captain Olimar to you," he snapped."Now, what do you need? I'm watching My Little Pony right now and I'd prefer to do it with as little interruptions as possible." Villager-chan pulled out her tape recorder and began to play it. As Olimar listened to Falcon and Roy's conversation, he gasped. "They want to steal my goddess's panties? Over my dead body!" He hugged Villager-chan. "Thank you. If I stop Falcon and Roy from stealing her underwear, she'll thank me and then I'll have a girlfriend! Give me the tape recorder as evidence." Villager-chan handed him the recorder. "Fantastic, now I'm off."

Villager-chan rubbed her hands together maniacally as she watched Olimar run off. " _Everything is going according to plan. Soon, Captain Falcon will have pissed off the Wii Fit Trainer to the point of no return. I'll be the only one left who'll accept him and he'll be forced to be my boyfriend!_ " Villager-chan squealed in delight.

As Captain Olimar dashed towards the gym, he suddenly had a realization. " _Wait a second, I can't just tell her about Falcon. I can use the information on the tape to steal her panties myself! Then, I'll frame Captain Falcon. It'll be a win-win situation for everyone._ " He turned around and began to walk towards Little Mac's room. He had a plan to figure out and he was going to need some muscle.

* * *

I'm going to be a bit busy for the next two weeks so I'm not sure when the next update will be.


	15. Operation Panties(Simulation)

I've been really really really busy lately, so I haven't been able to update as frequently as I would've liked. That being said, back to Captain Falcon's Lady Quest!

* * *

"Ok guys we are going to do a practice run today." Everyone was gathered in Roy's room again. "First of all, Captain Falcon has still expressed some doubt about Ness's pick pocketing abilities even after Ness successfully stole his wallet. As such I have brought in a dummy for Ness to practice on." King Dedede carried in a female mannequin and placed in down next to Captain Falcon. Captain Falcon began to pace around the mannequin, inspecting every inch. "Is there a problem?" Roy asked as he saw Falcon begin to frown.

"Not really a problem. It's just that this mannequin's proportions are eerily similar to Wii Fit Trainer's. It's like an exact copy."

"Of course it is," Roy said. "I had Steve get her body proportions from Dr. Mario."

"What?!" Captain Falcon exclaimed. He had tried to get the measurements of all of the female fighters from Dr. Mario for ages. He had tried everything. Chocolate, movies, dirty magazines, even moustache grooming products. However, Dr. Mario would never budge. He turned to Steve. "So how did you do it?"

"I slept with him," Steve simply said.

"Outrageous!" roared Captain Falcon. "How can Dr. Mario be gay? He has a moustache. Wait until I tell Shulk what you did!" Captain Falcon leapt towards the door.

Steve started to laugh as Roy grabbed Captain Falcon. "I'm just kidding. I'd never cheat on Shulk. It didn't take much to bribe the doctor. All I gave him some was some bling-bling. He needed something nice to complement his moustache."

"Why didn't I ever think of that!" Captain Falcon slammed his fist down. "Did you get the measurements of everyone else?" Steve shook his head. "Darn. Alright let's just get on with the simulation. Let's see what you got Ness." He gave the boy a glare and a quick pat on the butt.

"Do I really have to do this?" whined Ness. "I've got better things to do."

"Just humor the man," whispered Roy. Ness rolled his eyes, but made his way to where the Wii Fit mannequin was standing. Ness began to reach down into the mannequin's pants to swipe the key, but he was interrupted by a sudden grip on his wrist. Before the boy could react, his wrist was harshly twisted. As Ness howled in pain, Roy turned to Captain Falcon, "What are you doing? You just broke Ness's wrist!"

"I was testing him," Falcon gallantly said. "Unfortunately for Ness, I caught him in the act!"

"You are a moron!" Roy yelled back. "Of course you caught him in the act. You were expecting it, but during the mission, no one will expect Ness to be stealing a key."

"Well if Ness was so good, he'd have still stole the key without me knowing."

Roy began to open his mouth to retort, but quickly shook his head and shut his lips. He had no time to argue with an idiot. "Let's just get Ness to the doctor's office to see how serious the damage to his wrist is."

* * *

"Yep, that is definitely a broken wrist." Dr. Mario was examining Ness's wrist. He turned to Captain Falcon. "So how did this happen?"

"Why are you accusing me?" asked Captain Falcon. "It could've easily been Roy who decided that Ness was being a jerk and broke his wrist." Dr. Mario continued to glare at Captain Falcon. "Ok, fine it was me."

"I really wish it was you who came into my office with an injury. Then, I wouldn't treat it to teach you a lesson." Dr. Mario pulled out a pill from his coat and placed it in Ness's mouth. "Ok, that should do the trick. Ness will be good to go in a few hours. Now get out! I have to go back to grooming my moustache. You guys already wasted too much of my time."

Roy thanked Dr. Mario and walked out, but Captain Falcon pulled the doctor aside. "Dr. Mario, I got a fabulous hat that would really make your moustache really pop out. All I need in return is the measurements for all of the female fighters here."

Dr. Mario smacked Falcon upside the head. "Are you kidding me? Why would I ever agree? I could lose my job! The last thing I need to happen to me is getting banned from the tournament again. I'm still technically on probation after getting caught prescribing performance enhancing drugs to Young Link."

"Oh, is that what happened? I thought you were banned for being a pedophile." Captain Falcon was smacked again by Dr. Mario. "I was just kidding. So, why did you give out Wii Fit Trainer's sizes to Steve then for the bling-bling?"

"I really wanted to up my street cred. Now leave me alone." Dr. Mario shoved Captain Falcon outside of his office and slammed the door shut.

* * *

"Lucky for us, Ness will be good to go for the mission tomorrow." Everyone except Ness and Falcon was gathered in the common room. "Sonic, it's now your turn. Do a practice run for tomorrow. Dash from the common room to the gym and back." Sonic nodded to Roy and sped away. As Sonic left, Captain Falcon entered the room. Roy addressed the racer. "Nice to see you have finally joined us. What took you so long?"

"I tried to bribe Dr. Mario into giving me the rest of the measurements. However, he just wouldn't budge. What's going on right now? Did I miss anything."

"As per your request, we are continuing the simulation of the operation. Right now, Sonic is running from here to the gym and back. He should be returning any minute." However, after a few minutes, Sonic had not returned. Roy looked up at the clock."That's odd. It shouldn't take more a minute for Sonic to make the trip. What is going on?" They continued to wait for Sonic to return to the common room. Thirty minutes later, Sonic was still missing.

"Should we go look for him?" Steve asked. "Maybe Sonic ran into some trouble. I don't think we can afford to potentially lose another member of the posse."

"That sounds like a good idea." Roy stood up. "Captain Falcon and I will go look for him. Steve, King Dedede stay here in case Sonic comes back and we don't run into him along the way." Both fighters nodded as Roy and Captain Falcon left the common room.

"How should we look?" Captain Falcon said as they walked. "Should we split up so we can find Sonic quicker?"

"Absolutely not. I can't trust you to go off looking for Sonic alone. You'll probably end up getting distracted by one of the female fighters and lose focus. As Captain Falcon was about to argue, Palutena walked by the pair. Captain Falcon immediately shut his mouth and turned his head to stare at Palutena's behind as she walked away. Captain Falcon continued to stare and started to follow Palutena before he heard a cough. Roy was waiting for him at the end of the hall. "See what I mean? Now, Sonic was suppose to go to the gym. I think we should start there."

The duo made their way to the gym, but there was no sign of Sonic. The only fighters at the gym were Ike and the male Wii Fit Trainer. "Hey guys," Roy greeted. "Have any of you seen Sonic?"

"The blue hedgehog? He was here about half an hour ago," responded Wii Fit Trainer. "Whatever you need him for, you better hope you guys find him before I get my hands on him."

"What did he do?" Captain Falcon asked.

"I'll tell you what he did," Wii Fit Trainer angrily replied. "He gave me a killer wedgie! My balls still sting man. It has been half an hour and I don't think there are enough ice packs in the world to relieve me of the pain. Once I'm finally good to go, I will destroy him!" Wii Fit Trainer stomped on the ground to emphasize his point, but winced as pain shoot through his groin. At this point, both Captain Falcon and Roy couldn't hold back their laughter anymore and began cracking-up. "You little shits!" roared Wii Fit Trainer. "Don't you guys see how serious this is? Just wait until I give you guys the wedgies of your lives. That'll show you!" He took a step towards the duo, but doubled over in pain. Ike rushed over to the fallen fitness guru and sympathetically placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I think we should just get you to Dr. Mario's," Ike said to the fallen Wii Fit Trainer. However, Wii Fit Trainer shook his head. "Come on. You can't live like this forever. We need to get you to the doctor."

"But, I'll be a big loser," sobbed Wii Fit Trainer. He glared at Captain Falcon, who was currently rolling on the floor, crying with laughter. "Stop laughing!" he cried out. "I could easily tell my sister all sorts of lies about how horrible of a man you really are. I could tell her that you snuck into her bathroom to watch take a shower. That will ruin any chance you have with dating my sister!"

"That is a dirty lie and you know it," screamed Captain Falcon. "I'd never spy on anyone in the shower! That is much too perverted."

"Whether it is true or not doesn't matter," sneered Wii Fit Trainer. "What matters is that she'll believe what I say. Therefore I can spout all the dirty things I can think of to her about you and she'll reject you in an instant."He began laughing, but stopped as his balls began to hurt again. "Just get me to the doctor," he whimpered to Ike, who nodded and hauled him over his shoulder. "And please, no one tell my sister or anybody else what happened. If anyone else asks, tell them I slipped and fell."

"That was interesting," commented Roy. "This doesn't help us with Sonic though. Where could he be?"

"Maybe we should check the cafeteria?" suggested Captain Falcon. "He could've gotten hungry, grabbed some food to eat and forgot to go back to the common room."

"Not a bad idea, let's go." Falcon and Roy walked down to the cafeteria. Much to their disappoint, the cafeteria was also empty save for ROB, who was sweeping the floor. "Hi ROB, have you seen Sonic?"

"Sonic, he just left the cafeteria seven minutes ago," ROB answered. "He challenged Kirby to a chili dog eating contest. Unfortunately, he lost badly and had one chili dog too many."

"This is not good." Roy shook his head. "Sonic can't be this easily distracted tomorrow. Well, I have a pretty good idea of where he is now. Thanks for your help ROB. Come Falcon follow me."

"Where are we heading?" Falcon asked.

"The bathroom," Roy replied. "I'm pretty sure that after Sonic's eating contest, he had to rush to the bathroom. His room is pretty far away from the cafeteria, so he probably went to the closest public bathroom, which is next to the cafeteria. Roy stopped in front of the bathroom door. "Here we are." Roy entered the bathroom, but immediately recoiled. "Oh my god, it smells terrible in there!"

"Wait, don't leave," a voice cried out. "I really need toilet paper!"

"Sonic? Is that you?" Roy called out.

"Yea! It's me. I had too many chili dogs and had to take a massive dump. However, I am out of toilet paper. Can you guys please get me some?"

"No problem I got you covered," Falcon answered as he walked over to the next door. Before Roy could stop him, Falcon had already entered.

" _The women's bathroom isn't really that different,"_ Captain Falcon thought to himself as he looked around. He had expected pink walls and unicorns, but instead the women's bathroom looked virtually identical to the men's aside from the lack of from of urinals. He quickly went into the first stall and took a roll of toilet paper. "Good, I got it. Now, I can't stay here for too long, can't let myself get caught in here." Unfortunately, as Captain Falcon was about to exit the bathroom, the door began to open. Captain Falcon silently swore to himself and ran back into the first stall again. " _I hope to god no one come in here_. _Master Hand might actually kick me out if I get caught in this kind of a compromising position_."

"Villager-chan, why have you dragged me to the bathroom?" a voice which Falcon recognized as Robin's asked. "I already told you, I don't need to pee!"

"I have something I need to tell you. In complete secrecy," Villager-chan murmured. "Captain Falcon and Olimar are both planning on raiding Wii Fit Trainer's closet to steal her underwear tomorrow."

"What?" Robin exclaimed. "That's horrible. We need to warn Wii Fit Trainer! She needs to know there a couple of perverts out to get her."

"Don't worry. I'll tell her. What I need from you is a plan. Olimar has betrayed my trust. He was suppose to inform Wii Fit Trainer of Falcon's plan. Then Wii Fit Trainer would know Falcon is a pervert and ignore him like all the veteran ladies. However, he has instead formed his own party and plans on stealing her panties himself and then framing Captain Falcon. I can't have my boyfriend kicked out of the mansion. As such I need you to help figure out a way to stop Olimar's nefarious plan, while also making sure Wii Fit Trainer will never go out with Falcon if he ever asked her."

"Can't we just tell Wii Fit Trainer about this? She'll put a stop to it."

"Not quite." Villager-chan shook her head. "I have evidence of Falcon's potential misdeed, but I have no proof that Olimar is actually planning on a panty raid as well. This is why I need you."

"Why ask me though? You could've easily asked Peach. I'm sure she is more than capable of helping you out."

Villager-chan frowned. "She is too busy preparing for her annual ball. Besides, she is too much of a bitch. The only people I can trust are other women. Although this whole thing involves Wii Fit Trainer, she just doesn't strike me as a very vengeful person. I'm afraid if I ask Palutena, she might actually kill both of them. Zelda and Samus are too busy with each other these days, so there are out of the question. Lucina is busy training and Rosalina is babysitting Pichu and Kirby. You are the only one I can ask."

"Alright, I'll help you out." Villager-chan squealed. "But, can we please do this in my room? Doing it in the bathroom would be incredibly awkward." Villager-chan nodded and the two fighters proceeded to leave.

Captain Falcon wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead. He had managed to avoid detection! However, there was a lot of new information to process. He slowly opened the door and peeked outside to make sure no one was looking. Once he confirmed no one was outside, he snuck out. As he was about to open the door to the men's bathroom, he was suddenly startled by a hand on his shoulder. Falcon leapt into the air.

"Relax, buddy. It's just me," Roy said. "Sorry I couldn't warn you about Robin and Villager-chan. I'm glad to see you are in one piece."

"I got the toilet paper. Listen, there is a lot I have to tell you. Once I give Sonic the tp, we need to have a meeting in your room. Get King Dedede and Steve and I'll meet the three of you with Sonic once he finishes cleaning up." Captain Falcon went into the bathroom to give Sonic his much needed relief. After Sonic finished wiping, the two fighters went to Roy's room. "What is going on? Why are we here now?" Steve asked as Falcon and Sonic sat down. "And what took Sonic so long?"

"I had bathroom troubles," Sonic admitted. "Too many chili dogs. Not enough toilet paper."

"That sucks," King Dedede said. "At least you didn't clog the toilet."

"It smelled terrible though," Falcon quipped in. "Anyways, there needs to be a change in plans. Olimar and Villager-chan knows of our plan."

"What!" Roy yelled. "How can this be?"

"I don't know. While I was in the women's bathroom, Robin and Villager-chan came in."

"Wait, why were you in the women's bathroom?" King Dedede interrupted.

"I was getting Sonic toilet paper," Falcon snapped. "Anyways, Villager-chan said that Olimar was also planning on stealing Wii Fit Trainer's underwear."

"I will not have that little twit steal my glory," Roy roared. "Let's kill the twerp!"

"We can't!" Falcon restrained Roy. "There is no proof. Villager-chan said so. She and Robin are working on a way to stop Olimar and us from stealing the panties while forcing me to go out with her."

"Robin?" Steve asked. "This sounds like a challenge. I've been dying to see how my female counterpart measures up to me."

"Wait a second," King Dedede spoke up. "If the villager knows about our plan, why doesn't she just tell Wii Fit Trainer?"

"Because she doesn't want Falcon to know that she was one to tattle on her," Steve reasoned. "I'm guessing that she told Olimar in hopes of having him tell Wii Fit Trainer about us. Then Wii Fit Trainer will hate you, Olimar will be the focus of your hatred and Villager-chan will be there to pick up the pieces. However, Olimar probably decided to use the information to form his own little plan to steal the panties instead."

"What should we do?" Captain Falcon asked. "Should we postpone the plan for now and execute a better plan later on?"

"No, I can't wait that long," Roy replied. "I need panties! We must go through with the operation tomorrow. Steve, can't you make a few modifications to the plan?"

Steve thought to himself for a minute. Finally, he answered. "I'm not sure if I can make any meaningful changes with such short notice. We may just have to wing it." Everyone blankly stared at Steve. "What else can we do? Olimar and Villager-chan both know what our plan is. Besides, anything I can think of, I'm sure Robin will also think of as well. After all she is me, just without a penis. Listen, Ness and I will figure out a way to steal her key. The rest is up to you guys. Now then, I need to prepare for tomorrow. I suggest you guys also rest up. Tomorrow is going to be a very interesting day."

* * *

 **Meanwhile**...

"...And then I'll pull down his pants, exposing him as a fraud, any questions?" Both figures in the shadow shook their heads. "Good, good." Olimar began to laugh sinisterly. "After tomorrow, Captain Falcon will be ruined! AHAHAHAHA."

 **Also happening at the same time...**

"Ew... why is Steve also involved? It's creepy knowing that if I was a guy, I'd be plotting to steal some random woman's undergarments for no reason. Well, I think I've got a plan figured out. Listen here Villager-chan...

* * *

Will Captain Falcon succeed? Probably not... :)


	16. Operation Panties(Execution)

Ok, so I'm only a few days late in updating this story. Could be worse. Also this was originally going to be just one chapter, but it got to the point where I felt I needed to split it up. That being said, I have a few things to announce:

1\. I have updated my profile. Check it out!

2\. I'm currently brainstorming and working on two new stories. One will be for Pokemon, featuring my OTP. The other will be a League of Legnds fanfic. If you are a fan of either series or enjoy my work, be on the lookout.

3\. Once I get my new stories rolling, updates for Captain Falcon's Lady Quest will probably become once every other week. Sorry folks :(

4\. Christmas is coming up. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to update during that time.

* * *

Captain Falcon woke up sweaty and breathless. He had a terrible nightmare. He shuddered as he remembered the horrifying events that occurred in his dream. He had failed and Master Hand was dishing out his punishment in front of everyone. His hands were tied behind his back and he was forced down on all fours. With a snap of Master Hand's finger, Crazy Hand had began Falcon's public spankings. As each mighty slap connected with his buttocks, Captain Falcon could only cry out in pain. He looked on as every fighter was pointing and laughing at him, especially the ladies.

He quickly got dressed, making sure he was still wearing his lucky drawers. Falcon went down to the cafeteria to grab some breakfast, to hopefully forget his nightmare and mentally prepare himself for the operation. As he was eating, he noticed Fox gingerly walking in. "Fox what happened to you? Is Falco coming as well?"

Fox groaned as he took a seat next to Falcon. "Master Hand got sick and tired of Falco's bickering. He decided to slap some sense into my friend. Unfortunately, Master Hand also decided that I was to partially blame as well. Crazy Hand gave me a spanking that I'll remember for the rest of my life." Fox rubbed his backside again. "Hey, Falcon you alright?" Captain Falcon was currently curled up in the ball. As Fox continued to stare at Falcon, he quickly jumped back up.

"I'm perfectly fine," Falcon blurted out. He quickly ran out of the cafeteria and started to run towards Roy's room to get ready. He needed to get away. Falcon thought eating breakfast would take his mind off of his nightmare of things to come, but instead his conversation with Fox made it worse. A lot worse. Captain Falcon raptor boosted the last stretch of hallway before landing in front of Roy's room.

"I'm here," Falcon yelled as he entered the room. Much to his surprise, everyone was already there, including Steve. "Steve why are you here? Have you already found where Wii Fit Trainer keeps her key?"

Steve shook his head. "No I went early to the gym as planned. She was already there as planned. I asked to be her spotter. She agreed. All as planned. I felt all around her pants to search for her key. And I found nothing. I even snuck into the lady's locker room to search her things. I didn't find a key."

Roy spoke up next. "It is pretty clear that there is some type of interference. The problem is whether this was caused by Olimar or Villager-chan. We have no way of knowing whether Olimar successfully stole the key before us or if Villager-chan found a way to prevent both of us from getting the key at all."

"What are we going to do now?" King Dedede asked. "I've spent the past two days working on my dance moves and I sure as hell didn't practice for nothing."

"Wait!" Captain Falcon had a sudden stroke of genius. "Why don't we just go see Olimar? We can find out whether or not he has got the key. If he doesn't, then we can just proceed with the plan and instead of opening the door to her room with a key, we'll break it open and blame it on Olimar. If he did find a way to steal the key, we'll beat him up for it."

Roy stroked his chin for a minute as he processed what Falcon said. "Wow. That actually makes a lot of sense. I'm in."

"I like it as well," Steve chimed in. Sonic, King Dedede and Ness also nodded in agreement.

"Let's charge!" roared Captain Falcon as he dashed out of the room. Everyone else sighed, but began to follow Captain Falcon. Falcon rushed down to Olimar's room and with one swift kick, broke open the door. "Captain Olimar, we have some business to discuss."

"Well, at least you've finally learned to address me by my real title," Olimar sneered. "Now, what was so important that you had to break open my door without knocking?"

"I know about your evil plot to steal Wii Fit Trainer's panties." Falcon declared. "I'm here to put a stop to it!"

"Hey, what is going on?" Little Mac popped his head out from Olimar's room. "Can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to watch the _Teletubbies._ " He looked around and his eyes fell on Captain Falcon. "Well, if it isn't the man I nearly neutered. How do you live knowing you were one second away from being emasculated in front of millions of fans?"

"If I recall correctly, you and Olimar lost to me." Captain Falcon grinned as Little Mac and Olimar both frowned. "Now, as I was saying, I'm here to stop you two from stealing Wii Fit Trainer's panties!"

Olimar and Little Mac looked at each other and began to laugh. "You fool. What do you expect to do alone?" Olimar laughed. At this moment, Roy, Steve, Ness, Sonic, and King Dedede all arrived. "Oh...shoot. If it isn't your posse. I haven't seen such a group of misfits together in my life!"

"Give it up Olimar!" Roy cried out. "You are outnumbered. We are not afraid to beat whatever information you know out of you guys. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Roy drew out his Sword of Seals from his scabbard. "I hope you guys make the right decision."

"We can certainly negotiate," a new voice rang out. The male villager casually strolled out of Olimar's room. "I'm guessing you already how my sister is aware of both of our operations. I want to call a truce."

"What?" Falcon, Roy, Olimar, and Little Mac all shouted at once. Roy was the first to continue speaking. "I refuse. I will not let my prize potentially fall into the hands of the enemy."

"Really? Even though I have this?" Male villager began twirling around a key.

"Hey, that's Wii Fit Trainer's room key!" Steve said. "How did you get it?"

"Simple. My sister made the mistake of telling me about how she knew about both of our plans. Unfortunately for her, she didn't know I was already working for Captain Olimar. As such it was easy for me to steal the key."

"You are a fool. We can easily beat you up for the key."Roy brought his sword up and King Dedede began to maniacally twirl his hammer.

"You certainly could. Or I could just destroy the key right now." The villager pulled out his fireworks. "I'm sure you can still break into the room, but everyone will know it was you guys."

"Wait." Roy put down his sword. "What do you propose then?"

"It is very simple. We are actually more than willing to work with you guys. In fact, after Captain Olimar and Little Mac were done watching the _Teletubbies_ , we were going to go to your room to propose an alliance. Now, there are three things I need in order for us to agree with working with you guys. First of all, Captain Falcon, you need to go on a date with my sister."

"What?" Falcon exclaimed. "I can't do that!"

"Look buddy. The only reason I even agreed to help Olimar in the first place was so that my sister could be happy. My sister is head over heels for you and I'm going to do my everything in my power to ensure her happiness."

Roy looked over to Falcon. "Come on buddy, this is what we've been working for. You can finally get that date you've been yearned for."

"But I was hoping to get a date with someone, who is well... a little bit more well-endowed."

Roy smacked Falcon upside the head. "Dude, just accept it. Do it for me. Please."

Falcon turned to the villager. "Ok, I agree to the first term." He then whispered into Roy's ear. "You owe me big time."

The villager did a fist pump. "Yes! Secondly, you will take my sister to Peach's annual bal in two weeks as your date."

"One dance. I've already agreed to one date."

"Fine. You save the last dance for my sister."

"Deal. What is the third term?"

"This one doesn't involve you." The villager turned to Roy. "This one is for you. Once we get our hands on Wii Fit Trainer's panties, you will get first dibs. However, at the end of the night, the panties must go to Captain Olimar. To keep."

Roy thought to himself for a long time as he pondered the villager's terms. At last, he spoke up. "I accept."

"Good. Let's shake on it." The villager shook Roy and Falcon's hands. Captain Olimar shook their hands as well.

* * *

"So the original plan was to wait for you guys to undo all of the security and then ambush you guys once you've entered Wii Fit Trainer's room." Both parties had relocated themselves back into Roy's room. Olimar was discussing what his original plan. "Little Mac and I were going to beat you up and then leave a pair of her panties next to Falcon. Obviously since we are now working together, we won't be doing that."

"Villager, do you know what else Robin and your sister had planned for us?" Roy asked.

Villager shook his head. "They only mentioned that they had hidden the key. Other than that, they never told me what else they had planned. Come on Steve, you are essentially a guy Robin, shouldn't you be able to figure out what she has planned?"

Steve sighed, "If I were able to figure out what she could've possibly planned, I wouldn't have to get help from you."

"Fine. Be that as it may, we still haven't made any real headway in coming up with a new plan. I think we are just going have to go with your original plan and then depending on what happens, we'll wing it."

King Dedede raised his hand. "Does this mean, I'll get to dance after all?"

"Yes, you get to dance," Roy answered. "Give me fifteen minutes to stretch out and then we'll get started."

As Roy turned to leave, King Dedede held him up. "Wait a second, we never decided how the dance-off is going to be judged. Is it going to be an endurance challenge or best dance moves win?"

Roy turned to King Dedede with a confused look. "Judged? This is just a pretend dance-off. There is no need for a judge."

King Dedede grabbed Roy by his neck before the swordsman could respond. "Look buddy, there are only two things in the world I give a damn about. Cake and dance-offs. If you are telling trying to tell me that you are just going to have a dance-off without a judge, count me out. In fact, if you are going to sully the good name of dance-offs by having one without a judge, I will go up to Wii Fit trainer myself and tell her all about what you perverts have been planning. Now, I'll ask you again, how will this dance-off be judged? And will the winner get one week's supply of free cake?"

"I'll get a judge," rasped Roy. "Winner will get cake." King Dedede dropped Roy back onto the ground. "We'll be judged based off of dance moves."

"Good. We'll need more than one judge though. For it to be a true dance-off, there will need to be at least three judges. Who are we going to ask?"

"We'll need someone classy. Someone who has good taste. What about Marth?"

King Dedede shook his head. "We need someone who is impartial. Marth is from the same universe as you."

"Not really.." Roy began to argue, but he was quickly silenced by King Dedede's glare. "Fine, who do you suggest? Metaknight?"

"No, after all the times I've wiped the floor with him, I doubt he'd judge any dance-off involving me fairly."

Roy began to stroke his chin as he went through all of the fighters mentally through his head, trying to think of three fighters who'd make suitable judges. "Lucas?"

"Absolutely not. He is just a boy. What would he know about dance-offs? Come on, there has got to be someone in this mansion who can judge a dance-off fairly."

"I can think of one, but he is a last resort."

"Who could it be?" King Dedede asked. Roy whispered the name into his ear. "Oh dear. Well, we might as well ask him. We need someone now and he is someone who knows a thing or two about the dance floor."

"Alright. Let's go Dedede. Sonic, go to the common room. Once I give you the signal, you will start going around the mansion, telling everyone about the dance-off." Sonic gave him a thumbs up. "Everyone else, stand by for action."

* * *

"Pika, pika?"

"Yes, so Pikachu, will you be one of the judges for the dance-off?" King Dedede asked the yellow mouse. Pikachu nodded and began jumping up and down. "Fantastic, it will start in five minutes, we'll be having the dance-off in the common room. Great, now we just need two more judges." Pikachu began to tug on Dedede's robes. "Yes Pikachu?"

"Pika! chu chu chu!"

"Jigglypuff?" King Dedede turned to Roy. "What do you think? Are you ok with Jigglypuff being one of the judges?"

"Jigglypuff? Well, he can really rock a ribbon. I like it."

Pikachu leapt up in the air and shook King Dedede and Roy's hands as he left to find Jigglypuff. "So one judge left. Who should we ask?"

Roy snapped his finger. "I got it. Ganondorf! Captain Falcon won't like it, but Ganondorf is a very classy man. Besides, he does host ballet lessons every Friday. I've been to a couple. He is really good."

"Ok, let me go over the rules." Ganondorf was easily convinced. He always did like a good dance-off. "There will be three rounds. After each round, Pikachu, Jigglypuff and I will each individually judge you guys. Majority rules. During the dance-off, no props allowed and please don't start a fight with each other. I want a clean dance-off! Any questions?"

"No questions!" Roy replied. "Sonic, go alert everyone of the dance-off." He gave the blue hedgehog a wink as Sonic sped off."

Sonic began running all around the mansion, alerting everyone of the impending dance-off. He made sure he went to the gym to alert Wii Fit Trainer of the dance-off. At last, he was in front of Master Hand's room. He knocked on the door. "Master Hand, there is going to be a dance-off in the common room." The original plan was to alert Master Hand later, but at this point they wasted so much time beforehand that they just wanted to get him out of the way.

Master Hand opened the door. "Dance-off? Between who?"

"Roy and King Dedede."

"Roy and King Dedede? Sounds fun!" Master Hand rushed out of his room, leaving his room wide open. Once Master Hand was out of sight, Sonic quickly entered his room. He quickly ran over to the security room. Just as he was about to disable the security, he suddenly froze. He tried to move his hand, but found he was only to move his head. He looked over his shoulder as he heard a giggle.

"So they sent you after all? Hehe. How sad. I thought my male counterpart would've been smart enough to think of something else." Robin began to charge up a fireball. "We are going to have so much fun..."

* * *

Next time, the thrilling conclusion of Operation Panties.


	17. Operation Panties(Finale)

This will probably be my last update until after New Years. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

"Where on earth is Sonic?" Falcon wondered aloud. "He has been gone for more than fifteen minutes. It shouldn't take him this long to get everyone's attention. Besides, everyone is already here. Heck, Master Hand and Wii Fit Trainer are even here."

"I don't know. Maybe he is in the bathroom again?" Steve said.

"No. He can't be there. We already warned him after what happened yesterday. We even made sure he didn't eat any chili dogs."

"Hm..." Steve thought to himself. "Maybe he ran into something. Wait where are Villager-chan and Robin?" The tactician began looking around the crowd.

"I see Villager-chan." Captain Falcon pointed to the corner where Villager-chan was harassing the newest fighter, Cloud. "I don't see Robin anywhere though."

"Robin? Oh shoot!" Steve shot up. "I know what happened to Sonic. I'll be right back."

"Wait." Falcon put his hand up. "I thought you were going to go with me, Olimar, and Little Mac to Wii Fit Trainer's room once we shut down security. I can't go alone. They might betray me."

"Relax." Steve put his hand on Falcon's shoulder. "I'll be back in no time. And in case chance I don't come back, Ness or Sonic can always accompany you. Now, I must be off."

"Good luck. Steve."

Steve turned back to Falcon. "I won't need it. I'm facing off against Robin. She is essentially me. What can go wrong?" He pulled out his Levin sword as he marched his way down to Master Hand's suite. As he approached the suite, he noticed the door was already open. He slowed down and quietly entered. What he saw in the room shocked him.

Robin was currently flipping through her tome. "Which spell should I try out next?"

"Come on. Please, have mercy. You've already gone through all of your fire spells. Can't you just let me go with a warning?" pleaded Sonic. He was still frozen in place by Robin's magic, though his fur was burnt black from all the fire spell experimentation.

"No. I don't think you've learned your lesson. I got it! Let me test out some of my wind spells next. Which one should I start with? I can start easy with my weakest wind spell and then increase the power of my spells as I go along or I can start from big right away with my mighty Excalibur spell and go down my wind spell list. I'll leave it up to you." She stood waiting as Sonic frantically tried to move. "Oh I forgot. Silly me. You can't move your lips. Well, I started off with my most basic fire spell the first time, so I think I'll start off with my most powerful wind spell this time. Time to dust off the old Excalibur."

"I don't think so." Steve heroically entered the room. "Unhand the hedgehog or taste my steel!"

"Ah Steve. you made it. It only took you eight more minutes than I thought it should've. I had to pass up the time by playing spell roulette with Sonic. So, how did you eventually figure out I was holding Sonic prisoner here?"

"Well, Sonic was suppose to go to Master Hand's suite last. When I saw that Master Hand came to watch the dance-off and that Sonic hadn't returned and you were nowhere to be seen, I realized that you must've intercepted Sonic here. So, how did you even get here in the first place? Master Hand isn't suppose to let any of us inside his room."

"All I needed to do was offer Master Hand some dating tips. He is as bad as Captain Falcon when it comes to the ladies."

"I found that pretty hard to believe. I've spent a few days with that idiot and I have no idea why Roy ever agreed to find him a girlfriend. He is hopeless."

"Trust me, you don't know how bad Master Hand is. Well, I'm glad you were the one who decided to come up here to rescue Sonic. Robin clapped her hands together twice. Sonic found himself free to move again as he started to stretch his limbs. "Sonic, you are free to turn off the security." Sonic hesitated as he looked over to Steve, waiting for his approval. Robin looked at Sonic. "Go on. You can disable the security. It is not a trap. Trust me."

"I don't know. You did just spend twenty minutes torturing Sonic with all sorts of spells. Why would you let Sonic go and just turn off the security? I thought you were working for Villager-chan?

Robin laughed. "Trust me. Villager-chan doesn't really need me. She is way more cunning than I'll ever be. I only agreed so I can test out my skills against yours."

Steve walked over to Sonic. "Turn off the security," he whispered into the hedgehog's ear. "Then go back to the common room and tell Captain Falcon that the coast is clear. Make sure Ness goes with him as well."

"What about you?" Sonic whispered back. "Are you going to be ok? That bitch is a psychopath."

"I'll be fine. Go!" Sonic nodded and ran to turn off the security. He gave Steve a thumbs-up and left. Steve assumed his battle stance. "Are you ready?"

Robin unsheathed her own Levin Sword. "En garde!"

* * *

"Holy crap, what the hell happened to you Sonic?"

"Security...down...take...Ness..." Sonic collapsed onto the floor.

"I'll get the doctor. You guys go on ahead." Villager made his way to Dr. Mario and alerted him to Sonic's presence. Meanwhile, Captain Falcon along with Ness, Olimar, and Little Mac exited the common room and ran down to Wii Fit Trainer's room. As they stopped in front of the door, Captain Falcon turned around to his companions. "Who has the key?"

"I do." Little Mac confidently stepped up and inserted the key into the lock. He laughed as he turned the key and heard a click signaling the door was unlocked. "Easy as pie." Little Mac removed the key and went to turn the knob open. He screamed as he felt a huge shock run through his entire body. He began to convulse as electricity continued to run from the knob and into his body. Finally, he fell to the ground, body still convulsing. His bladder gave out and a puddle of urine began to form.

"Wow." Captain Falcon could only stare at the unconscious body of Little Mac. "I thought Sonic turned off the security."

"Maybe he only turned off the alarms," Olimar observed. "What are we going to do about the door. We can't open it without getting electrocuted."

"Let me try." Ness began to focus his PSI power. The door slowly began to open.

"Nice job Ness!" Captain Falcon gave the boy a high five. Olimar gave Ness a pat on the butt and took a step into Wii Fit Trainer's dark room. As he took his first step, the lights suddenly flickered on. All three fighters flinched as their eyes got adjusted to the light. Once they could see again, they could only gape in amazement. Wii Fit Trainer's room was outfitted with lasers and lasers and even more lasers.

"That's a lot of lasers." Olimar plucked out a pikmin from the ground and threw it into the first laser. The pikmin let out a terrible scream as it was cooked alive by the laser. "Well, there are a lot of things I'd do for her fresh pair of panties, but I am not willing to navigate through a lethal laser field. Peace out." Olimar left the pair alone to figure out a way to get the panties.

"Ness, do you have any idea what to do?" Before Ness could respond, Falcon's walkie-talkie began to buzz. Falcon picked it up. "Roy you won't believe what's going on. Little Mac has been electrocuted and Olimar pansied out once he saw all the lasers."

"Lasers? Listen, we are in trouble. The dance-off was originally suppose to last three rounds, but King Dedede destroyed me on the dance floor. The judges unanimously gave him both rounds. It is not fair how someone as fat as Dedede could have moves like that. Everyone is leaving the common room."

"Oh god!" Captain Falcon was stunned. "What is the plan then?"

"Get me the panties!" Roy firmly stated.

"There are lasers and you just said that everyone is leaving. We don't have time."

"That is a risk I'm willing to take. You do this for me Falcon and I will make sure you get a hot date for the dance!"

"That is too much of a risk Roy! I can't do it!"

"Look Falcon, a man who pussies out when the odds are against him will never have the balls to get himself a girlfriend. Be a man!"

"Ok, but if I get into any serious trouble, I'm taking you down with me!"

"Listen, that type of attitude is why you haven't gotten laid yet. I'll be in my room waiting for the goodies. Good luck."

Captain Falcon swore as Roy hung up. "Roy, Roy answer me!" Falcon yelled into the walkie-talkie. There was no response. "AHHHHHHH!" Falcon screamed in frustration.

At this moment, Ness popped up next to Falcon. "Yo, what's up?"

"We are screwed. Roy didn't stall everyone long enough. Everyone is on their way back to their rooms and we still need to find a way through the lasers."

"What are you talking about? I got the panties right here." Ness held up a pair of pink v-string panties.

"Holy cow! How did you even...?" Falcon was stunned.

"I am a god!" Ness declared. "Let's get out of here before she comes back up." Ness and Falcon began to walk out of the room, only for Ness to fall over as something hit him over the head. Captain Falcon looked over his shoulder.

"Looks like it is just you and me." Captain Olimar had thrown his purple pikmin at Ness, knocking him unconscious. "The panties will be mine. Step away from the boy and give them to me."

"Never!" Captain Falcon shouted as he dove for the panties that Ness clutched in his head. Olimar made a move for the panties at the same time. Both fighters landed on opposite sides as they began a tug of war.

"Let go!" Olimar screamed. "These panties belong to me. Their sweet scent, their heavenly fragrance would be all wasted on that red haired spawn of the devil. Only someone with my level of manliness could possibly respect this sacred garment."

"I made a pact with Roy! A pact between men. A pact that cannot be broken. I must see to it that these panties go to Roy!"

"I need them! Do you know how long I've gone without underwear to sniff? How many long days in space I've spent all by myself with nothing to entertain me? I deserve this much! This is life or death!" Olimar began to tug harder.

"No! I need a girlfriend. This is the only way." Captain Falcon matched Olimar's strength as neither fighter refused to let go.

"You are trying to get a girlfriend by stealing the underwear of the only woman who can tolerate your presence in this mansion? You are even dumber than I thought."

"You're one to talk. You are the one who totally has the hots for Wii Fit Trainer. And for your information, Villager-chan finds me super sexy. That makes it two women here who can tolerate me."

"What is going on here?" Wii Fit Trainer cried out as she finally arrived back to her room. Captain Falcon gulped and immediately let go of the panties which smacked Olimar right in the face. "Are those mine?" Wii Fit Trainer squinted as she tried to get a closer look."Wait a second, come on...I haven't even gotten a chance to wear those yet!"

"You haven't worn them yet? What a waste of my time. These will not satisfy me!" Olimar then looked around as Falcon and Wii Fit Trainer both looked at him. "I mean, how dare you Captain Falcon, you are trying to steal her panties for your own personal collection. Shame on you!"

"What I see here are two perverts fighting over a piece of undergarment I haven't even gotten a chance to wear yet. What do you two have to say for yourselves?"

"It was all Olimar and Little Mac!" blurted out Falcon. "Little Mac got electrified by your door and then Olimar managed to bypass your laser security system and stole your panties. Ness and I just happened to be passing by and tried to stop him. He knocked out Ness with a pikmin and then I started to fight with him over the panties to make sure he wouldn't escape.

"He has got it backwards," Olimar said. "I even got proof. I have video tape evidence that can prove that Falcon was the one orchestrating this whole plot. I am innocent." Olimar reached down into his pocket to pull out his tape recorder, but found his pocket completely empty. "Wait, I swore I had it. You have to believe me." he pleaded to Wii Fit Trainer.

"I've heard enough. Prepare yourself for a good pounding."

"I'm usually the one giving the pounding." Olimar said with a wink before the first kick landed right on his groin. "Ouch!" he cried out.

"My brother warned me about perverts like you!" Wii Fit Trainer yelled as she continued to kick Olimar.

"That is enough!" Master Hand's voice boomed over the commotion as he appeared in front of Wii Fit Trainer. "I have heard enough and will dole out punishment accordingly. Olimar, seeing as this is your first offense, I'm going to let you off a little easy. Princess Peach has been complaining about how she doesn't have men to help her set up her annual ball. As such, I have volunteered you and Little Mac to help her out. Also, you two will be on bathroom duty for a month. I would make your punishment a little harsher, but quite frankly, getting stopped Captain Falcon is humiliating enough as it is." Master Hand went over to Olimar and picked up Wii Fit Trainer's panties. "I'll be confiscating this as evidence." Wii Fit Trainer stared angrily at Master Hand. "I mean, here you go." He handed the panties to their rightful owner. "My work is done here, everyone have a good night."

* * *

"Well, at least you didn't caught," Roy said. "I'm am still a bit disappointed though. All that time spent plotting this brilliant plan and I didn't even get a single whiff."

"Hey, I gave it my all," Captain Falcon pointed out. "Besides, why are we heading over to the hospital again?"

"We are going to visit our fallen comrades and inform them of your failure." Roy entered Dr. Mario's office with Falcon following behind him. ""Dr. Mario doesn't appear to be here. He is probably too busy with his moustache. Well, let's see how everyone is doing." He entered the first door and recoiled. "Steve, what happened?"

"I slipped and fell," Steve stated lamely. The entire room smelt of burnt flesh. His entire body was bandaged up and all his limbs were put on a cast. "Did you guys succeed?"

Captain Falcon shook his head. "I failed. Olimar tried to betray us as you expected. Unfortunately, he stalled me long enough for Wii Fit Trainer and Master Hand to arrive. Luckily, I was able to avoid any of the blame. Ok, so I'm guessing Robin destroyed you."

"She may have been a little stronger than I expected." The door burst open and Shulk came flying in. "Steve, what happened?"

"We are going to leave," Roy said as Shulk began fussing over his boyfriend. Roy and Falcon entered the next room. Ness was lying on the bed. "Hi Ness, how are you feeling?"

"I'm good. Head is still a little woozy though. Did you get the panties?"

Roy shook his head. "Captain Suckass over here couldn't win the panties in a struggle with Olimar. Wii Fit Trainer then came back from the dance-off and whooped Olimar's butt. We weren't able to obtain it."

Ness leapt from his bed and knelt in front of Roy. "My apologies sir! It was my carelessness that allowed the panties to nearly fall into enemy hands. Please punish me accordingly."

"Don't be ridiculous Ness. It wasn't only your fault. Besides, the panties you grabbed weren't even worn according to Falcon."

Ness gasped and slapped himself in the face. "I grabbed panties that weren't even freshly worn? I deserve ten spanks of the paddle for this grave offense!"

Roy grabbed Ness. "Don't be ridiculous. It was my fault. I never taught you how to identify whether an undergarment has been worn or not. Starting tomorrow, I will start teaching you the advanced moves to ensure this doesn't happen again." The two fighters began to cry and hug it out.

"I am just going to go to the next room," Captain said as he let Roy and Ness have their moment. Falcon went into the next room and was met with an unconscious King Dedede. "What happened here?"

"He drank too much after celebrating his dance-off win," Ganondorf replied.

"Ganondorf? What are you doing here?"

"Can't one villain visit another villain in the hospital? Now, will you leave the two of us alone? We have evil villain things to discuss once King Dedede regains consciousness."

"Alright." Falcon left the two baddies alone. He entered the last room. "Sonic, how are you feeling?"

"Like I got roasted for a Thanksgiving dinner. How did the plan go?"

"We failed." Falcon answered.

"That sucks. Do I at least get my chili dogs?" Falcon nodded. "Good, I'll need them."

At this moment, Robin entered the room. Sonic squealed and hid under the bed. "Hi Falcon," she greeted. "I heard that you weren't able to steal the panties for Roy. That is a shame. Here for you." She handed Falcon a note.

"What's this?" Falcon asked as he took the note and began to read it. His face instantly paled as he read the first line.

"Villager-chan's instructions for the date. I hope you will enjoy it. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go tell ROB that installing the lasers was a success and that he won't have bathroom duty for the next month." Robin skipped away.

"I am so screwed," Falcon remarked as he finished reading the note. He had a date to prepare for.

* * *

Next time, Captain Falcon finally goes on a date. As for Bayonetta and Corrin, they will definitely be making an appearance. As for whether or not Captain Falcon will have a chance with either of them will remain to be seen. I'll admit I wasn't really expecting any more female fighters so I still need to figure what I'm going to do with them.


	18. Falcon's First Date

Welp, this chapter is only about a month late. I really haven't been to fully concentrate on anything, so I apologize that this update took so long. Hopefully, it is up to par with the rest of the story.

* * *

"You are really going through with this aren't you?" It was the next morning and Roy was helping Captain Falcon prepare for his date with Villager-chan. "We could've postponed this later and work on how you are going to get an actual date for the dance. Or teach you how to actually dance."

"I can dance," muttered Captain Falcon. "Look, I had no choice. I already agreed to this. Besides, you saw what Villager-chan can do. Thanks to her, Sonic and Steve are still in the hospital."

"That was actually Robin's handiwork," Roy pointed out.

"Well, she is affiliated with that she-devil. If I do anything to piss her off, she could easily get Robin to snap my dick off or something. Come on, it is just one date. I'll be able to survive." Captain Falcon adjusted his suit. "How do I look?"

"Passable." Roy suddenly gave Captain Falcon a big hug. "This is the big day. You've finally got a date with a lady. I am so proud of you." Roy gave the racer a good pat on the butt. "Go out there tiger and have a good time. I have to teach Ness how to feel up a woman without getting slapped in the face."

"Why haven't you taught me that? In fact, now that I think about it, you haven't really done anything."

"First of all, Ness pays good money for his lessons. Secondly, different people have different approaches. What works for Ness may not work for you. Finally, you haven't been sent to the hospital in about a week. Count your blessings. Now, hurry up and leave. Don't want to keep Villager-chan waiting."

"Ok, fine," Captain Falcon said as Roy shuffled him out of his room. Captain Falcon looked over Villager-chan's invite one last time and slowly walked down to where Villager-chan indicated. As Captain Falcon arrived, he looked at the large neon sign on the door and gulped. "Couple's Corner? I'm guessing I'm at the right place," he said aloud.

"You most certainly are!" Crazy Hand called out as he opened the door. "Welcome to the Couple's Corner Captain Falcon. I am so psyched that you made it." Crazy Hand moved next to Falcon and gave him a hug. "Your date is currently freshening-up. I'll lead you to your seats."

"When did this place even exist?" Falcon wondered aloud as he followed Crazy Hand to his table. "I could've sworn this place wasn't here two months ago."

"An excellent observation," Crazy Hand commented. "Two months ago Master Hand and I had a brilliant idea of creating an area where couples could mingle and hang out without any distractions."

"Hold on," Falcon interrupted. "There weren't any couples two months ago. Mario and Peach, Samus and Zelda, both of them didn't get together until last month."

"Another astute observation! I can see why the villager has got her eye on you. Well, although there certainly weren't any relationship between any of the fighters here, some of them do have a special someone back home."

"Really? Like who?" Falcon curiously asked.

"I'm glad you asked. Well for starters, Fox and Krystal, Sonic and Amy, Marth and Caeda, Diddy Kong and Dixie Kong, Roy and Link both have harems, should I go on?"

"Wow, I wasn't aware so many couples existed. So whenever one of their girlfriends come over, they just go here?"

"Unfortunately, aside from the actual couples here, no one has come. It is pretty boring. I really wish other people would come so I can fully judge them."

"Judge them?"

"Yes." Crazy Hand brought Falcon to his table and gestured for him to sit down. "I need the couple to come here so I can see whether they are truly worth shipping. It's a test and if they fail, I'll break them up."

"So you constructed this place to satisfy your shipping craze? That is pretty lame."

"Lame? I prefer the word awesome. If you want lame, look at Master Hand's sad excuse for building this area. He wanted to create a place where he could woo the honeys without being interrupted."

"That is pretty bad." Captain Falcon sat down. "This chair is pretty comfortable."

"It better be. Now, I must be off. I need to go back into the kitchen and cook up my world famous chili. Toodles." Crazy Hand floated off to make his killer chili. In the meantime, Captain Falcon finally got a chance to get a good look around the Couple's Corner. Peach was busy shoveling cake into Mario's mouth in the far corner of the room. Nearby Zelda was attempting to feed Samus some salad, but to no avail. Finally, he noticed a lone figure eating lunch alone. "Fox?" Falcon asked as he walked over to the spacie. "Why are you here? Crazy Hand just told me that only people from Smash come here. Did Krystal come here to surprise you?"

"I wish I were out here with Krystal," Fox muttered. "Unfortunately I'm stuck here with Falco. He is in the bathroom right now."

"Falco? Do I even need to ask?"

Fox sighed as he rubbed his forehead. "He convinced Diddy Kong to drag me all the way from my bathroom where I was doing number two to here for brunch. I tried to fight him off, but the monkey was just too strong. I was dragged here against my will. It doesn't help that Crazy Hand actually thinks Falco and I are a cute couple! He even knows I have a girlfriend."

"Ouch." Falcon put his hand sympathetically on Fox's shoulder. "That sucks."

"I'm used to it now. Oh crap! Quick, hide! Never mind it's too late." Fox groaned as Falco falco phantasmed next to the pair. Falco proceeded to quickly kick Falcon in the groin before he could react.

"I knew it!" Falco shrieked. "I sensed your stupid butt while I was in the middle of my tinkle. I've warned you about hitting on Fox. I'll have you know he is taken. Yet I find you here trying to convince Fox to go on a date with you!"

"What on earth are you babbling about?" Falcon groaned as he doubled over from the pain. "Where do you get these ridiculous ideas from?"

"Ridiculous ideas?" scoffed Falco. "You are the one who wants to enter Fox's Arwing!"

"I don't even..." Falcon was confused. "You are a crackpot."

"Only the crackpot that is about to kick your ass! Out of the way Fox, I have some work to do." Falco pushed Fox aside and jumped on top of Falcon. The two fighters began to wrestle with each on the ground and exchange blows as everyone else in the room looked on. Fox attempted to break up the fight, but as he approached the scuffle, he was hit by a stray fist and sent flying to the other side of the room.

"Should we do something?" Mario asked as the other couples in the room looked on. "This could get out of hand." Mario prepared to jump into the fray.

"Nonsense." Peach pulled Mario back. "It is nice to have some entertainment while we eat. Besides Samus and Zelda seem to be enjoying themselves." The two ladies were busy cheering for Falco as the bird landed a right hook onto Falcon. "Truthfully, I'm rooting for Falco as well. It has been too long since Captain Falcon has been sent to the hospital wing." Peach giggled as Mario simply shrugged his shoulders and continued to watch.

"You leave him alone!" Villager-chan had returned to the room and was horrified to see Falco on top of her man. She quickly rushed over to Falco and pulled him off Captain Falcon. "I'm the only one who gets to be on top of Captain Falcon," she yelled as she began beating on the bird.

"Ow!" Falco cried out as Villager-chan continued to punch him over and over. "Can someone get this psycho bitch off of me?"

"My little butterflies, what is going on here?" Crazy Hand had returned with a plate full on chili. He put the plate down on a nearby table and removed Villager-chan from Falco. "I've told you that violence is not ok. Now how did this all start?"

"Falco had another misunderstanding and thought I was hitting on Fox again," Captain Falcon explained. "He jumped on top of me and started the fight. Villager-chan came back and then decided to take over the fight for me."

"A man who can't even fight his own battles? What a sissy." Crazy Hand laughed and moved over to Falco. "Falco? What did I tell you about automatically assuming that everyone speaking to Fox is hitting on him? I thought we worked this all out in therapy. Looks like we need another session next week." Crazy Hand picked up Falco. "I'm going to bring him to the hospital wing. Due to the fact that everyone here let this fight happen without any attempts to stop it, I'm closing off the Couple's Corner for the rest of the day." Everyone groaned as Crazy Hand left. Peach turned to Falcon. "Good job Falcon. Thanks to you I won't be able to finish my date with Mario. I'm going to make sure your life will be hell when you have to help me set up my annual ball."

"Now now princess, everything will be fine." Mario led Peach away as she let loose an evil laugh. Samus was complaining about not getting her famous Crazy Hand chili as she was being slowly dragged away by Zelda. Captain Falcon looked over at Villager-chan who was doing a little jig as everyone was leaving. "Why are you so happy?"

"I get you all to myself now. There aren't any other annoying couples to interrupt us." Villager-chan latched herself onto Falcon's arm. "Let's go! I have a special day prepared."

"Wait, you did all of this on purpose didn't you? You knew that continuing the fight would get everyone kicked out so you can have me all to yourself." Villager-chan giggled and winked at Captain Falcon. "Ok, where are we going next?"

"The gym." Villager-chan dragged Captain Falcon along. "There is something I need to take care of there before we have our date."

* * *

"This isn't what I signed up for." Ness and Roy were hiding nearby. "I thought you were going to teach me how to grope Rosalina."

"Shhhh..." Roy shushed Ness and brought up a binocular to continue to watch Captain Falcon. "This is more fun. I want to see how the date goes. I wonder where they are going. Let's follow them."

"What are you two doing?" Roy and Ness both froze. The male villager was standing behind them. "Are you spying on my sister? Prepare for a world of hurt!"

"Hold on," Roy said. "We aren't spying on your sister."

"Really? You guys are hiding behind a pillar and Roy has a pair of binoculars in his hands." Roy quickly hid the binoculars behind his back. "Nice try buddy. Now, what are you two doing spying on my sister?"

"We aren't spying on your sister! We are spying on Captain Falcon!"

"Oh... can I join? I have to make sure that Captain Falcon is boyfriend material. And if he isn't, I have to make sure my sister doesn't make him disappear like her last boyfriend."

Roy gulped. "Last boyfriend?"

"Yea. Her last boyfriend actually ran off with another guy. One week later, both of them went missing. There wasn't any evidence that could point towards my sister being the one to make them disappear, but I wouldn't put it past her."

Ness began to cry. "Roy, she sounds scary. Can we just go home now? I don't want to die."

"Ness, you need to have more balls. Otherwise you won't be able to get a girlfriend. This is part of the process. If you are scared, you can't do anything. Let's get going. We don't want to end up with a dead Captain Falcon." The trio stealthily followed Falcon and Villager-chan.

"Why are they at the gym?" Ness asked. He turned to Roy. "That wasn't on the list of top ten first date locations."

"I don't know. I thought this would be where Falcon and Wii Fit Trainer would have a date. Not Falcon and Villager-chan. Any ideas?"

"Not a clue. So what is the plan? We can't just walk into the gym. They will know that we are following them and my sister will probably beat me up."

Roy smiled. "I got just the thing."

* * *

"I'm still confused," Captain Falcon said as he entered the gym. "Why are we here?"

"Hi Falcon and Villager-chan," Wii Fit Trainer greeted as she saw the pair. "What are you two doing here?"

"We are here on a date!" Villager-chan happily said as she snuggled even closer to Captain Falcon. "I just needed to stop by and get something from Ike."

"You did?" Ike asked as he heard his name mentioned. Villager-chan glared at him. "Oh yea, I did." Ike began to fidget around. "Here it is!" Ike quickly passed over a handful of gold to Villager-chan.

"Thank you Ike. Well, we have to get going now. We are to the garden for a romantic walk" Villager-chan placed her hand on Falcon's butt as they left the gym.

"I'm confused," Wii Fit Trainer said. "What just happened?"

"I think Villager-chan was trying to make you jealous. She wanted to rub it in your face that she was on a date with Captain Falcon."

"Jealous? I don't follow."

Ike sighed. ""Villager-chan is insane. Falcon has a crush on you. She thinks you might try and steal him away. She wanted you to know he was taken."

Wii Fit Trainer stared at Ike. "Oh my. I had no idea. I thought he was just being friendly. I'm sorry that I accidently got you involved. You had to give away money to Villager-chan."

Ike laughed. "Don't worry about it. I wonder what poor Falcon has got himself into though. Actually going on a date with Villager-chan. He must have a death-warrant."

* * *

"A romantic walk in the garden? I am so happy for my boy Falcon. He has finally taken that next step." Roy did a quick celebratory dance. "We need to follow them. I want to see Falcon became a man with my own eyes."

"Can't it wait?" Ness whined. "This isn't what I paid you for. Money is already tight thanks to Pikachu."

"Think of this as a field trip. Field trips are always fun aren't they?" Ness nodded. "Exactly! You are getting firsthand experience in the adult world of dating. Now quiet down and follow me." Roy and Ness began to follow the pair, but the male villager didn't follow. "Come on! We need to get going!"

The male villager shuffled his feet. "I'm not sure I feel comfortable spying on my sister. I mean, this is really creepy for me. What if I end up seeing her kiss Captain Falcon or even go one step further? That would be incredibly awkward."

Roy began to jump up and down. "Exactly why we need you! If she decides to do something to Captain Falcon, we will need you to stop her. You are her brother. I'm sure it'll be fine."

"No it wouldn't. She would just be incredibly pissed and take it all on me! I don't want her to shove fireworks in my pants again."

Roy grabbed the villager by the cuff on his shirt. "You are coming with me." Roy with a hand on the villager and Ness finally made their way to the garden. The trio hid behind some shrubbery as they listened in.

* * *

"...And that is why I stuffed a firecracker up my brother's pants," Villager-chan gleefully explained as she dragged Captain Falcon along in the garden. There was no one else around as Villager-chan had already convinced Peach to host her tea party elsewhere. "I love telling all of my favorite stories. Let me tell you about the time I punished Wario right after I entered the Smash Mansion..."

Captain Falcon stood horrified as Villager-chan cheerfully told him about how she managed to tie him to a bowling ball and then grow a tree out of his butt. _"This woman is a psychopath. I know not to judge a book by its cover, but I was totally right about her creeper eyes. I need to get out of here_ ," he thought to himself. He quickly smiled as Villager-chan gave him a come-hither look.

"Seeing as we are all alone in the garden, I thought we can have some fun," Villager-chan said. Captain Falcon gulped as she slowly leaned in. As Villager-chan's lips got closer and closer, Falcon spoke a silent prayer. However, at the least second, Falcon found the strength to quickly jump away.

"What was that for?" Villager-chan demanded as Falcon began to run. "Don't think I'm going to let you get away." She began to run after the racer. Although Falcon was fast, Villager-chan was even faster. She soon caught up and swung a net over Captain Falcon, trapping him within. "I've waited too long for this date. Now, tell me why you ran? Is it because you think I'm not pretty enough? Or is it maybe because there is another woman in your life?"

"There are plenty of women in my life!" Captain Falcon boasted. "I only agreed to this date because I am a man of my word."

"And that is why I love you!" Villager-chan exclaimed. "There aren't enough honest men in the world. Don't worry about your other women. I am willing to share..."

At this point, Captain Falcon began to really panic. In desperation, he yelled out the first thing that came to mind. "I don't have any protection!"

Villager-chan stopped. "No protection? Wait a second, did you think you were going to get some on the first date? I can't believe it! You are a real scumbag. I thought you were a misunderstood, but true gentleman! In reality, you are just like the rest of them. You only think of sex! To think I was about to give you my first kiss. However, you wanted my innocence. I'm going to kill you!" She began to tighten the net around Captain Falcon.

"Ok sis, there is no need to go there." The male villager popped out from his hiding spot. "Like I told you, this man is a pervert. However, there is no need to off him like Ricardo. Let him go."

Villager-chan gave her brother the meanest look she could muster, but removed her net from Captain Falcon. She stormed off with her brother trailing behind her. Captain Falcon shook his head. That was a close one! At this moment, Roy and Ness also revealed themselves from their hiding spot. "Captain Falcon! You are alive!"

"I am indeed. Why are you guys here?" Falcon asked.

"We were worried about you," Roy responded. "Ness also wanted to view a first date in order to learn." Ness began to complain, but Roy quickly shut him up. "Let's go back inside and prepare a celebratory dinner."

Later that evening...

"Attention." Master Hand had gathered all the Smashers in the common room. "I have an exciting announcement. There will be a few more fighters joining us! Let me introduce them to you. First, let's give a nice welcome to Cloud!" A blonde man with a sword big enough to put Ike's to shame stepped out. Captain Falcon took a quick glance at Ike, who was silently crying as he compared the two swords. Cloud took his seat. "Next up, we have Corrin!" A white haired armored man and woman entered the room.

"Why does Master Hand suddenly like introducing fighters that are both male and female?" Falcon whispered to Roy. Roy shrugged his shoulders. Falcon looked over the female Corrin. She had shoulder length silver hair, great figure and nice face. However, Falcon looked down and quickly realized that her feet were bare. He did have a bit of a foot fetish, so this was quickly turning him on.

"Finally, we have Bayonetta." Falcon stopped looking at Corrin's feet to look at the last fighter. Falcon gaped in amazement. As much as he liked feet, Falcon also liked hot heels. Not only that, Bayonetta was pulling off the sexy glasses look. Falcon wiped a bit of drool from his mouth. Master Hand was getting more ladies into the mansion and Falcon needed to bring his A game.

* * *

Ok, I am actually a little bit curious as to know whom the readers want Falcon to end up with. I honestly am not sure. Let me know in the reviews. Also if you guys want certain characters to have a more screen time in the story, feel free to tell me and I'll see what I can do.


	19. New Wingman?

Here is another chapter of Falcon's Lady Quest. To everyone who has followed, favorited, or dropped a review, you guys are the best! I'm still undecided who Falcon will end up with, but I do have different ideas depending on which direction I decide to go. As for character requests, I am definitely keeping them in mind and will do my best to accommodate them. Unfortunately, it is a bit difficult for me to get them all done in one chapter, but do not worry, more of them will be making an appearance.

Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

* * *

Captain Falcon groaned as he got out of bed the next day. The excitement from seeing the new female fighters the previous night had worn off. Falcon had planned on introducing himself to them right then and there, but Roy convinced him to wait, seeing as neither of them really knew much about Bayonetta or Corrin. For all they knew, both of them could already be married and the last thing Falcon needed was to hit someone already unavailable. He needed to keep his streak of not being sent to the hospital alive. Captain Falcon began changing into his classic racing outfit. Today was the first day he needed to go down to the common room and help Peach set up her annual ball. He still had another hour before he needed to report to her, so he quickly went down to the cafeteria for some breakfast. He stuffed his plate full of bacon and went to look for a place to sit. He wanted to enjoy his last hour of freedom and what better way to do it than enjoying lots and lots of bacon?

As he was searching for a place to sit, he saw Roy was nearby eating a breakfast burrito. He sat down next to the red haired swordsman. "So what is the plan?"

Roy looked confused. "Plan? For what?"

"You know...leaving a good first impression on the new girls. Bayonetta and Corrin. I have to help Peach out for the next week. She'll have me working until the evening every day. I won't have too much time to get to know them. Not only that, I also need a date for the dance."

"Count me out. I have far better things to do."

It was Falcon's turn to look confused. "Better things to do? I thought you swore to help me get a girlfriend. If you hadn't noticed, I still don't have one."

"I got you a date with Villager-chan," Roy pointed out.

"No you didn't. She forced me into the date," Falcon replied. "You didn't do anything."

"That is not true. If I hadn't put you in a situation where she could blackmail you, you wouldn't have gotten the date." Falcon hesitated as he processed what Roy said. He began to argue, but then realized that in a very twisted way, Roy did have a point. "Exactly. Now, I need to use this week to practice my dance moves. I'm not going to let that fat lard King Dedede humiliate me on the dance floor again!"

"You are really letting the dance-off defeat get to you? Can't you at least spare maybe one day to gather some intel on Bayonetta and Corrin and then see whether anyone would go with me to the dance? I'm really desperate."

Roy shook his head. "I need dance training. Can't you get Steve to help you? He is a grandmaster after all. He can get you all the information you need."

"He is still in the hospital. The beating Robin gave to him was worse than what Dr. Mario had initially thought. He probably won't be out for another week."

Roy finished eating his burrito. "I don't know what to tell you. Well, I got to go start my workout. See you later."

Falcon grabbed Roy by his arm. "Can you at least help me get a date for the dance? The last thing I need is for Villager-chan to force me on the dance floor and touch me wherever she wanted."

"Don't you still owe her a dance?" Falcon groaned. "Look, if you need a date, all you need to do is gather your courage, walk over to the honey, and ask her, 'Hi, do you want to be my date for the dance?' Also, make sure you don't say anything sleazy. Got it? Ok, bye." Roy ran off.

Falcon was speechless. He didn't expect Roy to bail out on him. Especially not in his time of need. He had hoped Roy would help him with the ladies while he was busy working for Peach. Now he didn't have any time to look for a back-up and he needed to go help Peach with the preparations.

* * *

"Captain Falcon, glad to see you made it." Princess Peach gave the racer a quick hug. "As you can see, I've enlisted plenty of help. I've heard you were a little worried about working for me for the next week, but as you can see, there are plenty of other fighters here as well." A sudden explosion interrupted the princess. "Oh God! Wario better not have farted again! It takes three days for the smell to fully disappear!" She turned to Falcon. "Make yourself useful." Peach began to runs towards the source of the explosion. As Falcon stood around, he could hear the princess yell, "You dipshit! If I hear you fart again within the next week, I will shove a stitch-face up your butt and it will hurt!"

Captain Falcon shuddered. Getting hit in the face with the stitch-face was bad enough. He looked around the room to get a better idea of what was going on. Although Falcon knew Olimar and Little Mac had been forced to help Peach with the ball, he had no idea Peach had also gotten about half of the mansion to help her out. He felt a hand poke him on the shoulder. Falcon turned around. "Link? You got dragged in as well?"

The Hylian warrior nodded. "Princess Zelda volunteered me. I had no choice, but to obey my princess. I need some help carrying some of these decorations out to the hallways. Peach wants to decorate the entire mansion, not just the common room for the dance."

"Wait. You aren't even sleeping with Zelda and you still have to listen to what she says?"

Link nodded. "You are lucky. Even though I'm the Hero of Time, I'm still technically a knight of Hyrule. As such, I'm also Zelda's bitch. When she first participated in the tournament, her father the king made me swear that I'd look out for her. After she got injured her first fight and tattled on me to her father, I was stuck in prison for a week! Besides, it is not as though sleeping with her would get you out of work. Look at Samus." Link pointed to the blonde bounty hunter, who was also carrying a box of decorations while Zelda was groping her. "Now, help me get these decorations to the garden."

"Ugh... why are these so heavy?" Falcon grunted as he picked up the first box. The duo slowly made their way to the garden. As they arrived at the garden, they saw that Shulk, Kirby, Pac-man, and Toon Link were already decorating the garden. ROB was nearby mowing the lawn. "Thanks guys," Shulk greeted as Link and Falcon dropped the boxes of decorations next to the young man.

"So heavy..." Falcon panted as he laid down to rest. "How are the decorations going?"

"Good." Shulk opened the first box. "Kirby, Toon Link, help me put these up." The two fighters came over, grabbed a few trinkets and ran off to place them in the hedges. "Well, do you guys also want to put up a few decorations while you are here? We have plenty of decorations you've already brought here and it'll be fun."

"Alright." Link picked up a box and beckoned for Falcon to follow him. The two walked a bit further down from where Shulk and Pac-man were decorating. "Let's put these up." Link began to reach into the box, only to be suddenly tackled to the ground by Captain Falcon behind a brush. "What the..."

"Be quiet," Falcon quickly said. He took a quick peek out from where he was hiding. "Oh shoot, it is Bayonetta."

"Bayonetta?" Link questioned. "The hot chick with the glasses? Did you try to hit on her and now she wants to kill you on sight?"

Falcon shook his head. "No, I haven't even talked to her yet. I'm afraid I'll say something stupid and blow any chance I have of getting with her."

Link slapped Falcon in the face. "What are you doing? Go out there and talk to her. I'm sure Roy has taught you how to talk to women by now."

"But he hasn't and I'm scared," Falcon admitted. "I'm running out of chances and I don't think Master Hand is letting in another influx of women any time soon. Besides why do care? Don't you have your own harem like Roy?"

Link fiddled his hands. "Yes I do, but the truth is I'm going through a little bit of a mid-life crisis right now. Ever since Master Hand let in Cloud, I've been feeling a little bit insignificant."

"What do you mean?" Falcon interrupted. "Cloud has been here for like three days."

"Well, he has stolen my position as pretty boy blonde swordsman!" Link yelled. "Back when the tournament first started, I was the only swordsman. Then Marth, Roy and my younger self came along. That was fine. Marth was the gay swordsman, Roy was the fire swordsman, Young Link was the small swordsman and I was still the pretty boy swordsman. Then once Brawl started, Meta Knight, Ike, and Toon Link came along while Roy and my younger self left. Meta Knight was the mysterious swordsman, Ike as the dude who fought for his friends, and Toon Link was just there. I was still the pretty boy blonde swordsman. Then Shulk and Robin arrived and Roy returned. My position as the pretty blonde was beginning to be jeopardized. Luckily for me, Shulk became known as the shirtless swordsman and Robin was the nerdy swordsman. I was still the pretty boy blonde swordsman. But then Cloud came along. Thanks to him, I have now become pansy elf swordsman and Cloud has usurped my position as the pretty boy blonde swordsman. The worst part is that his sword is so much bigger than mine. Let me tell you a secret. We swordsmen do in fact compare the sizes of our swords and by gods is Cloud's sword the biggest I have ever come across. The point is I'm feeling a little confused and insecure right now. If I can help you get a girlfriend, I can become the swordsman who got Falcon laid. Roy is already the cool fire swords guy, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I took you off his hands for a bit."

"That is quite the story," Falcon remarked. "So what is the plan then?"

"Come here, I'll whisper to you a line that always works for me." Link pulled Falcon next to him and whispered into his ear. Falcon's face lit up. "Will that really work?" he asked.

"Of course. Go get'em tiger!" Link slapped Falcon across the butt as he sent the racer on his way. Falcon began to move towards Bayonetta, but hesitated to take one last look at Link. Link gave him another thumbs-ups. Falcon took a deep breath and made his way to Bayonetta. The Umbra Witch was currently bent down and playing with Kirby. "Aren't you the cutest little thing," she remarked as she began tickling the pink puffball.

"Ahem." Falcon cleared his throat. "Bayonetta, there is a party in my pants and you are invited!"

Bayonetta stared at Falcon. After a minute, she burst out laughing. "Oh my, you must be the famous Captain Falcon. I've heard many stories about you. They don't do you justice. Although..." She began to eye him seductively. "You are also much more handsome than I had thought."

"Am I really?" Falcon said hopefully. Looks like Link's pick-up had actually worked!

"Yes, how about you come a little closer so I can get a better look?" Bayonetta asked as she beckoned Falcon over.

"Here I come!" Falcon exclaimed as he rushed over. It was kissing time. Falcon leapt into the air and puckered his lips. Unfortunately as he was closing in, a giant heel came crashing down on him, sending him straight to the ground. Falcon groaned in pain as he shook his head and tried to recover from the force of the impact.

"Silly boy! You didn't think it would be that easy did you? We hardly know each other," Bayonetta teased. "I do find your go-getter attitude rather fascinating. Maybe I should take a little time and investigate..." She stepped a little closer to Falcon.

"Bayonetta!" a new voice rang out. "There you are! I have been looking for you everywhere." Bayonetta turned around as the female robed tactician appeared beside her. "Who are you again...?" Bayonetta asked.

"I'm Robin. Peach has invited you to her tea time."

"Tea time? Sounds fun!" Bayonetta looked down at Falcon. "Sorry honey, looks like playtime is over. Maybe next time we can have a little more fun." She gave the racer a wink as she walked away with Robin.

"How did it go?" Link popped out of his hiding spot. "I saw the giant magic heel and I feared the worse."

"I'm fantastic!" Falcon laughed. "She said there was a next time! I think I have a shot with this one!"

"Really? Well, I'm glad to hear that," Link said. "I think we have some work to do."

"Work? What work?" Falcon was confused.

"I'm helping you with Bayonetta. I swear on my sword I will get you a date with Bayonetta."

"What about Roy? He was suppose to help me get a date. We had a pact."

"What has Roy done for you?" Link shot back. "He has done nothing. He hasn't gotten you a date yet. He has nearly gotten you killed for his own selfish reasons. He has even forced you to go on a date with Villager-chan, the most psychotic woman I have ever met. Even if she was a 10, I wouldn't tap that because she is a psycho bitch. If you come with me, I'll lead you to the promised land. My pick-up line has already gotten you a next time."

Falcon was torn. He did owe it to Roy. Roy had promised him that he would get him a girlfriend. However, what Link said also made sense. Roy hadn't come through yet and he had ditched him for dance training. Also, Link did get him to talk with a women and he didn'd end up in the hospital. His mind was made. "I'll do it," he said to Link.

"Great. We'll discuss details after dinner. We still have work to do for Princess Peach," Link replied. "We will also need some manpower." He turned as he suddenly saw Kirby, who was still there the entire time. "Kirby, will you help us? There will be cake."

"Poyo!" The puffball happily exclaimed as he followed Link and Falcon back into the mansion.

* * *

Originally, I was going to put up a non-canon chapter of Fox x Falco in this particular universe as a Valentine's Day special, but I didn't have enough time.

:(


	20. Dance Class

Yet another brand new spanking chapter of Captain Falcon's Lady Quest! I swear that one day I'll get back to updating at the pace I did for the first few chapters. Hope you guys enjoys.

Also, I got a new story for League of Legends, Garen's Manly Man Club. Be sure to check it out!

* * *

"Phew, I am completely bushed." Falcon dropped down exhausted on Link's couch. Peach had worked everyone hard, very hard. His muscles were sore from all the heavy lifting the princess had forced him to do. "I can't believe we have to do this for an entire week."

"It wasn't that bad," Link commented as he flexed his muscles and sat down next to Falcon. Kirby followed suit holding a giant plate of cheesecake. "Maybe if you spent more time training in the gym and less time messing around with Roy and racing, you wouldn't be so tired and out of shape."

"I don't need to hear this from you," muttered Falcon. "So how are you going to help me?"

"First question, can you dance?" Link asked.

"Why does everyone think I can't dance?" Falcon sighed. "I happen to be a very good dancer."

"Show me," Link commanded. "I want to see just how well you dance."

"Like right now?" Falcon shook his head. "The setting and mood just isn't right."

"Show me your moves!" Link yelled.

"Can you really say that?" Falcon asked. "I'm pretty sure I have that phrase trademarked." Link put his hands on his hips as he glared at the racer. "Ok, but there isn't any music. I can't boogie without any tunes." Link threw pulled out his ocarina and began to play a melody.

Captain Falcon gulped. The truth was about to come out. In all honesty, he couldn't dance for shit! As Link continued to play his ocarina, Falcon took a deep breath. He was going to wing it! He began to jump up with his legs spread apart and his heads touching overhead. He then returned to a standing position. Falcon continued this motion while occasionally shifting from side to side.

Link was dismayed! He dropped his ocarina as he cried out, "What was that? In what world is that dancing? You were doing jumping jacks!" Link stomped on the ground. "My god! You were really planning on going to the ball like this? Even Kirby can dance better than you can!" Link pointed at the pink puffball, who was currently doing his victory dance.

"So what? It's not as though me being a bad dancer will really affect my chances with any of the ladies."

"Are you kidding me!" Link threw his hands up in frustration. "Your dancing if we could even really call your pathetic display dancing will get you slapped in the face. It doesn't matter if I gave you my killer pick-up lines and got you a date. Once anyone sees your dance moves, you'll get dumped in an instant. Luckily for you, I know a guy who'll be giving free dance lessons all this week. I'm taking you to him right now."

"But I'm really sore," whined Captain Falcon. "Can't we just focus on getting me a date for Peach's ball first?"

"Quit your whining. I can you a date easy. The important thing is keeping her." Link moved over to one of his cabinets and pulled out a bottle of red liquid. He threw the bottle to Falcon who gingerly caught it. "Drink it. It's a potion which will cure fatigue."

Falcon looked at the bottle questionably. "Are you sure this is safe to drink? I mean didn't Young Link get busted for PEDs in his milk?"

"This is just a potion. No drugs in them. Just drink it and let's go!" Falcon continued to stare at the drink. "What's the problem now?"

"Well, it is red. Is this cherry flavored? If so, I don't want it."

"Don't be a bitch. Just drink the potion." Captain Falcon opened the bottle and chugged it all in one gulp. The racer gagged as the liquid went down his throat. He shot Link a dirty look. "Only flavor they had. Ok, let's get going. Kirby let's go." He motioned for Kirby to follow them.

"Kirby is coming with us?" Falcon asked. "Why would we bring him to a dance class?"

"Has Roy really taught you nothing? It is statistically proven that single male with a baby has greater success in finding a partner. Kirby is going to be your chick magnet."

"I guess I could do worse than Kirby." Falcon picked up Kirby and followed Link. After a long walk they stopped in front of the gym. Captain Falcon opened the door and entered. "There is no one here."

"Don't be silly. Can't you hear the music next door?" Link walked to the end of the gym and entered the next room. "Hi Ganondorf, I got you another student."

Falcon quickly pulled Link aside. "Wait a second, Ganondorf? Don't you two hate each other?"

Link shook his head. "I'll admit at first I thought he was a fat smelly piece of fugly bacon. However without him, I'd just be another pansy elf boy wearing a pretty effeminate tunic. Thanks to Ganondorf, I was able to become the Hero of Time and get with almost all of the ladies. The ladies wouldn't pay me the least bit of attention before Ganondorf started causing trouble. In fact, he is actually my wingman now. We drink and party together." He waved over at Ganondorf who was busy berating Wario and hadn't noticed Link. "Oh man, Ganondorf takes his dance class too seriously." He walked over to the great King of Evil. "Ganondorf, I brought you another student." Unfortunately, Ganondorf was too focused on Wario and didn't hear Link.

"Wario, your posture is horrible. It is a disgrace to me, it is a disgrace to your mother, it is a disgrace to the wonderful art of dance! What excuse do you have for yourself?"

"I really have to fart," Wario admitted as he desperately clenched his butt cheeks trying to hold it in. "Do you know how hard I have to try just to hold it in?"

"Not again! Didn't you fart ten minutes ago? Holy crap. You are hopeless. Get out of my dancing studio." Ganondorf Spartan kicked Wario out of the room. "Amateurs." He turned around and finally saw Link. "Ah Link! I thought we weren't going out drinking for another hour and a half. I still have to finish my dance class."

"Don't worry buddy, I remember. I have a special present for you." Link gestured to Captain Falcon and Kirby. "I've brought you two new students."

"Two new students?" Ganondorf looked over at where Link had pointed. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" he whispered to Link as he pulled the swordsman aside. "I've seen Kirby's sick dancing moves and quite frankly I really don't think I have much to teach him, but Captain Falcon? He is an absolute idiot. Hell, Zelda has hidden in my room before just to get away from him. My room!"

"I promised him I'd get him a girlfriend," Link whispered back. "Look, do this for me and I won't stab you in the butt next time we have to fight."

Ganondorf sighed. "Ok, but you are also paying for drinks later tonight."

"Fine." Link shook Ganon's hand. "I'll see you later tonight." Link walked out of the room, but gave Falcon an encouraging slap on the butt before he left. Ganondorf stretched his arms as he observed Falcon and Kirby. "Are you two ready to learn how to dance?"

"Yes I am," Falcon said. Captain Falcon finally got a good look around the room. There were a lot more fighters in the room than he expected. In fact, it seemed as though most of the fighters who had been slaving away for Peach were now here. He was also surprised to see that a few of the female fighters were here as well.

"Good. Let's begin everyone." As Ganondorf got everyone to line up in a line, he quickly recited a silent prayer.

* * *

"No,no,no,no,no!" Ganondorf was livid. "All of you guys are complete shit except for Kirby. How is the baby the only one who can dance?" He pointed at Robin. "You! You are a genius tactician! Why are you unable to dance? Your posture is downright awful."

"For your information, I am an amnesiac. I kind of don't remember most of my life. Besides, I was too busy trying to win a war. I didn't have time for hobbies."

"Well, I used to be a demon pig king who spent a majority of my time plotting to take over the world and I still had time to learn dance." Ganondorf did a quick twirl. "Look at my hips!"

""Look how that turned out," muttered Robin. "You've been stopped by that girly guy Link every time. Maybe if you cared more about world domination than dance, you might've gotten something done."

"How dare you!" roared Ganondorf. "Get out of my studio! Never ever disrespect dance to my face ever again!" Robin snorted as she left the room. "Who is next?" Ganondorf pointed at Falcon. "You are way too stiff. Did someone stick a pole up your butt?"

"You are so mean," muttered Falcon as Ganondorf went down the line and continued criticize everyone in line. Finally, as Ganon was finished yelling at Yoshi and causing the green dinosaur to burst into tears, he gathered everyone together again. "Ok, let's try again, one, two and go!" Captain Falcon began to move as Ganondorf had instructed him too at the beginning of the class, but shortly after he had begun, Ganondorf began to stomp on the ground.

"Outrageous!" he shouted aloud. "Were you guys not listening to a word that I said? Try again, from the beginning."

Forty minutes later, Ganon was at his wit's end. He thought he was doing everyone a favor by introducing the wonderful world of dance to fighters who might not have had the privilege to experience it. Instead, he was watching it slowly becoming desecrated right before his very eyes. "Ok, everyone gather around," he ordered as everyone formed a circle around him. "I'm a little tired tonight. I'll just use this time to assign you guys each partners for tomorrow."

Fox raised his hand. "Question sir. There are a more guys here than girl. Wouldn't it be a little awkward if two guys had to pair up?" Falcon nodded in agreement. Fox had a good point. Since Robin had left earlier after Ganondorf's first tirade, Lucina and Rosalina were the only females in the class. Including Falcon himself, there were ten other guys in the class.

Ganondorf slowly walked up to Fox. "Ok, wise guy, it seems as though someone isn't completely comfortable with their masculinity and sexuality. Otherwise, you wouldn't care who you danced with. I've entered many a competition with King Dedede as my dance partner. For your little tongue in cheek, I'll be partnering you up with the new guy Cloud!"

Fox looked confused. What was wrong with Cloud? Fox waslked over to the blonde swordsman. "Hey, man looks like I'll be partnered up with you. I'm Fox McCloud."

Cloud glanced over at Fox. "You see my gigantic Buster Sword strapped to my back?" Fox nodded. "Well, that is how big I really am. You know why I'm telling you this?" Fox shook his head. "I'll tell you why. I'm letting you know who is the man in this relationship. Your puny blaster pales in comparison to my enormous blade."

"That is ridiculous!" Falco barged in the room. Fox and Ganondorf both face palmed as Falco strode up next to Cloud. "I'll have you know that my partner's blaster can fire multiple rounds without stopping. I bet after you swing your sword once, you need to take a quick break before you can use it again. You are not fit to be Fox's dance partner. In fact, none of you guys are fit to be Fox's dance partner. I am the only one here who is qualified to be Fox's partner."

"Ok, buddy that is enough." Ganondorf grabbed Falco and lifted him up with one hand. "My dance class isn't over yet and you are interrupting it. Give me one reason why I shouldn't throw you out of the room right now."

"I would've been in your class if it weren't for the fact I had to attend a quick therapy session with Crazy Hand. In fact, I registered for your class." Falco replied.

"You did?" Ganondorf pulled out his attendance sheet and began looking it over. "Oh wow, you really did. Great, now I have an odd number of students in the class. Falco, I'll let you partner up with Fox then. The last thing I need is for you to have to attend another therapy session after you didn't get your wish. Cloud, you'll be dancing with me unless either Wario or Robin shows up tomorrow." Falco gave a huge grin as Cloud's shoulders slumped. "Let's see... Yoshi, you'll be partnering up with Charizard. Captain Falcon, you'll be partnering up with Lucina..."

Captain Falcon was ecstatic. He was actually partnered up with a woman! He didn't pay any attention as Ganondorf continued to read off the pairs for tomorrow. He looked over to the swordswoman, who quickly gave a shy wave and looked away.

"Ok, Class is now dismissed," Ganondorf finished as he quickly dashed out of the room. He really wanted to go out drinking. Meanwhile, Falcon scooped up Kirby in his arms and walked over to Lucina. "Hey, Lucina, looks like we'll be partners."

"Yes." Lucina peered down. "Who is this little cutie?" she asked as she stared at Kirby.

"Oh, this is Kirby." Kirby let out a little cry of happiness as he was introduced. "I'm taking care of him for a friend," Falcon said. "So anyways, I know you are a princess and all. I thought all royalty would know how to dance."

Lucina looked down. "Well, I came from a war-ridden world. I only had time to learn how to fight. I didn't have any time or energy to focus on anything else."

"I see. That really sucks. Well, hopefully we'll both be able to learn how to dance. Assuming Ganon doesn't kill us first." Lucina giggled. "Well, I'm retiring for the night. Have to get Kirby to his room. Good night."

As Falcon left the room, he couldn't help crack a huge smile. He had managed to have a pleasant conversation with Bayonetta earlier in the day and didn't end up in the hospital. And now he was going to be dancing with Lucina. Two girls in one night! Falcon bounced up and down as he carried Kirby to his room.

* * *

Meanwhile in Roy's room...

Roy grunted as he attempted to finish his last rep of one-arm push-ups. He needed to be at his peak condition if he wanted to beat King Dedede in the dance-off. As he finished his last push-up and got back on his feet, there was a knock on his door. "Come in," Roy said as the door opened. "Ness, what do you need?"

"I want to attend Ganon's dance class," the boy stated. "Rosalina is there and I want to dance with her."

Roy sighed. "For the last time, Ness, you are not going to Ganon's dance class. You are there to spy on him and see if he is planning anything with King Dedede. Nothing else. Now, make me a sandwich. I'm tired from working out all day."

Ness grumbled as he walked over to the kitchen and began to prepare Roy's sandwich. "So Captain Falcon can attend the dance class and I can't? So dumb."

Roy froze. "Wait, Falcon is in Ganon's dance class? I never told him about that. Besides, I thought he said he could dance."

"Well, I saw him there. He came in with Link and Kirby."

"Link!" Roy exclaimed. Roy jumped up and ran to the door. "I'll be right back Ness," he declared as he grabbed his sword.

"What about your sandwich?" Ness asked.

"Forgot the sandwich. I have an ass to kick." With that Roy left his room.

* * *

Feel free to leave any comments, suggestions, criticisms, etc.


	21. Roy vs Link

First things first, I do have a few things to say:

1\. Originally, I had planned for more after Peach's Annual Ball, but I feel that I'm running out of good ideas and it is getting harder and harder to write so this will effectively be the final arc. There will probably be about ~5ish chapters after this one to go.

2\. I'm still trying to figure out who Falcon ends up with. It is hard...

3\. Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed, followed, favorited this story.

* * *

Captain Falcon shot up as he heard a bunch of hurried knocks on his door. "I'll be right here," he said as he slowly walked to his door. Although Link's potion earlier in the day had cured him of his earlier fatigue, Falcon's muscles were all sore again after the dance class. He opened the door. "Roy," he said very surprised. "I thought you were busying training for your dance-off with King Dedede. What are you doing here?"

Roy slammed the door shut as he strode into Falcon's room. "I'll tell you what I'm doing here. I've heard that you are attending Ganondorf's dance class. I thought you told me you were a good dancer."

Falcon rubbed his head. "Well, Link thought that I should go to his class in case. Thanks to him, I will be getting some one on one time with Lucina. Hey, do you think I have a shot with Lucina? Should I wear my lucky drawers tomorrow?"

"You probably should, but that isn't the point right now. Why wasn't I consulted at any point? I'm your wingman Falcon. I'm the one who is suppose to help you get a girlfriend."

"But you were too busy practicing your dance moves," Falcon said. "Link was nice enough to spend some of his own time to help me out. Did you know that I was able to hit on Bayonetta without getting sent to the hospital wing thanks to Link?"

"Did he really?" Falcon nodded. Roy swore under his breath. Link was good. Really good. "Well, I'm still not happy. Besides, I thought we were making good process with Wii Fit Trainer. We can't give up a good thing just for two question marks."

"Well, you haven't helped at all with Wii Fit Trainer," Falcon shot back. "I am desperate for a girlfriend. I am willing to take that risk."

"Falcon, I am your wingman. I demand to be involved in the girlfriend process!" Roy yelled. "I am willing to take an hour out from my dance training each day for the rest of the week to help you out."

"You will?" Falcon asked . Roy nodded. "Oh thank you!" Falcon gave Roy a hug. "So, should we tell Link and all figure out a way for me to get a girlfriend?"

"Link? You are ditching that loser right now," Roy ordered. "He is a huge jerk. I went out drinking with him the other day. It was terrible. I thought we would have a lot in common since we both had harems, but I couldn't be more wrong. I am a cool and handsome gentleman with incredibly sophisticated tastes. He is a barbaric douchebag who gets with his pretty boy looks, but in reality has the personality of a peanut.

"But he seemed so nice," Falcon stated. "I believe that we should still ask for his help as well. It can't hurt. He is out drinking with Ganondorf right now. We can ask him."

"Drinking with Ganondorf? I'll be right back. Don't you make a move." Roy rushed out of Captain Falcon's room.

* * *

"Link, I have a score to settle with you," Roy declared as he entered the bar. Upon hearing his voice, both Link and Ganondorf turned around. "Why are you trying to undermine me?"

"Roy, I am currently going through a mid-life crisis," Link responded. "I need to find my identity and getting Captain Falcon a girlfriend is what I need to get out of my funk. I don't understand why you are so angry."

"You have broken a sacred bond between Falcon and I," Roy angrily yelled. "I was his appointed wingman! You can't just waltz in here and try to steal him away from me. I volunteered for this job a long time ago and I won't let my glory get stolen from me by a pansy blonde swordsman."

"A pansy swordsman?" Link was dismayed. "How dare you! I happen to be a very masculine and manly swordsman. The fact that Cloud is also blonde and has a much bigger sword hasn't affected my mojo at all. Besides, I'm sure Falcon must've told you but I have already gotten him a second chance with Bayonetta and some time with Lucina. I got him two chicks in one day!"

"You haven't gotten him shit!" Roy retorted. "I don't see either of them calling Captain Falcon her boyfriend. I had a good thing going between Falcon and Wii Fit Trainer and I will not see you interfere. Besides, you are forgetting the fact that Captain Falcon has gone on a date with Villager-chan thanks to my amazing skills."

"Come on, I think it is my turn to show you how it's done! You've had so much time and you've only gotten him one date! I also know all about how you tried to get Falcon to steal Wii Fit Trainer's panties for you." Roy blushed as Link continued his attack. "Also, the date with Villager-chan ended up being a disaster. She was deeply enamored with him, but thanks to your poor teaching ability, Falcon managed to screw that one up."

"She was a psycho! There was nothing I could do." Roy took a quick breath. As he begun to talk again, he was suddenly hugged from behind by Ganondorf. "Now, things seem to be a little heated here. How about we all drink some beer together and be one happy family?" Ganondorf hiccupped. "I'll pay for it all. Friendship is the best!"

"Is Ganondorf drunk?" Roy wondered aloud as he slowly removed himself from Ganondorf's grasp. Ganondorf tripped and fell as he tried to get up.

Link nodded. "Yea. I always thought he'd be the angry type of drunk. I was as surprised as you are when I first saw him get drunk. He got super drunk and looked like he was about to fighter Bowser, but instead he grabbed Bowser by the hips and tried to dance the tango with him. Really really really weird. Makes me think how he is the King of Evil. Ah, looks like I'll have to bring him back to his room," Link noted as saw Ganondorf attempt to get up again, but just fell on his butt and passed out.

"Meh," Roy said. "Wait a second, don't try and distract me!" Roy cried out. "I do not like the fact that you are interfering. I could care less about the fact Cloud is usurping your position as pretty boy blonde swordsman or the fact his sword is so much bigger than yours. I highly doubt his sword is really representative of the size of his junk."

"Well, I'm doing this whether you like it or not. Falcon will get his girlfriend because of me!" Link declared. "I will be known as the greatest wingman in the world and all the ladies will bow before me!"

"Isn't that disappointing?" Roy sighed and unsheathed his sword. "Then I will make a bet with you. I swear on my sword that I will get Captain Falcon a girlfriend before you do."

Link pulled out his sword . "I accept you challenge. Falcon will get a girlfriend because of me and there isn't anything you can do about it." Link and Roy clashed their swords together. "May the best man win. Me!" Link took a nice drink from his cup.

"Keep dreaming." Roy left the bar. As he walked back to his room, his brain was already in motion. He needed to think of a great plan. Link did have the upper hand due to the fact he did get Falcon two potential love interests in Bayonetta and Lucina, but Falcon did spend the most time with Wii Fit Trainer. Also, if things turned out really bad, there was always Villager-chan."

* * *

"You want me to do what?" Ness exclaimed. Roy had called in the boy to his room the next morning. Roy was currently doing chin-ups in the doorway. "You want me to come up with a plan to get Falcon together with Wii Fit Trainer? Are you sure you can trust me with this?"

Roy stopped his exercises. "Ness, you are my protege. I have taught you well. I'm currently busy preparing for my dance-off with King Dedede. As such I have entrusted this very important task to you. Once you figure something out, make sure you run it by me so I can approve of whatever you come up with." Roy suddenly brought his face right up next to Ness'. "If you fail, the repercussions will be severe. Ness took a nervous gulp as Roy continued to glare at him. "Do you understand?"

"Yes sir. I will not fail you." Ness gave Roy a quick salute as he sat down and began to think. He was a bit excited. He was going to prove to Roy that he was ready. The padawan was going to become the master. The only problem that stood in the way was Captain Falcon. How was he going to get Captain Falcon a girlfriend? Ness had been up close and personal with the man and Captain Falcon sucked. A lot. Ness had saved the world before, but this Captain Falcon situation seemed to be a lot more challenging. Falcon didn't know the first thing about seducing a woman. In fact, Ness was willing to bet that if he brought in one of the ladies naked and ready for the taking, Falcon would still find a way to screw everything up. So what was he going to do? Ness continued to think and think.

"Are you sleeping on the job?" Roy yelled as he rattled Ness awake. Ness looked around. He had been so caught up in thinking of a plan that he had fallen asleep. "It is already past lunchtime and you haven't come up with anything. Maybe it is too early for you to help me out," Roy remarked.

"Wait, I will come up with something," Ness pleaded. He really wanted to show he was ready. "I can do it," he insisted. "Just give me another hour and I will have a kick-butt plan."

"You better. We are losing time. You haven't even made me a sandwich." Ness got up towards the kitchen, but Roy motioned for him to sit back down. "Don't bother. Just take some time and figure something out. I'll be doing the same while I prepare some lunch."

After lunch, Roy sat back down next to Ness. "You better have come up with something by now or else..." Roy cracked his knuckles in menacing fashion.

"I think I got something," Ness began. "If we can make Captain Falcon look really good in front of Wii Fit Trainer, maybe this can work."

"What do you propose?" Roy asked.

"Do you have paper and a pen?"

* * *

"Does this bowtie look good?" Falcon looked over to Kirby. They all had the day off early. Master Hand and Peach had gotten into a huge argument. Master Hand wasn't happy with the fact that Peach had essentially recruited a good portion of his fighters to use for manual labor. He was planning on hosting another tournament soon, but since too many people were working for Peach, he couldn't get it done. As a result, he was pretty angry. He charged into the common room to give Peach a piece of his mind and get her to have everyone stop working for her. Unfortunately, Peach wasn't too happy either. She worked hard to make sure she got all the labor she needed to make sure her annual ball would be perfect. The two had gotten into a fight. To most fighters, the end result should be obvious. Master Hand ran the mansion, Master Hand would easily defeat Peach and give everyone their freedom. What he and most fighters didn't take into account was that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Both fighters had ended up destroying the common room ad sent each other to the hospital.

"Poyo." Kirby shook his head. Falcon sighed in exasperation. "Come on Kirby, you've shaken your head for everything. Do you mean to tell me known of my bowties are working?" Kirby walked into Falcon's closet and pulled out his golden outfit. The little puffball walked back and handed the outfit to Falcon. "Not that one," Falcon groaned. "I can't go to my dance class in that outfit!"

"Come on, it isn't the worst thing in the world," Link said. "Besides, from what I've heard from Robin, Lucina has a very twisted sense of fashion. for all we know, she may think you look incredibly handsome." Kirby danced around happily. "See, Kirby seems to agree. I'd go with what Kirby wants."

"Ok..." Falcon put on his golden racing suit. "How about my bowtie?" he asked again. Link just stared at the racer. "Nevermind... Am I good to go?"

Link gave Falcon a hearty pat on the back. "Go get her tiger. You can do this!"

Falcon left his room with Kirby following him. He began to walk down towards the gym. As he arrived, he saw that Wii Fit Trainer was outside the gym. However, she wasn't alone. She was being harassed by Captain Olimar and Little Mac. The two were leaning into her personal space and being menacing. Falcon knew he only had no choice. He was going in and beating them both up in the name of love!


	22. Wii Fit Rescue

Ok, so this story is not dead. I just had severe writer's block for a while. Hopefully I'll be able to go back updating at a slightly better pace. Hope you guys enjoy!

* * *

"Unhand the woman!" Captain Falcon declared as he jumped in front of Wii Fit Trainer in a defensive position. He was going to be a true gentleman and defend the woman with his life. "That is no way to treat a lady. Why are you all up in her face like that? I demand you to leave now or I'll make you leave."

"You? Make us leave?" Olimar and Little Mac both began laughing out loud. "Don't be ridiculous Falcon. Now, if you really must know, I got a love letter from Wii Fit Trainer and I'm here to profess my feelings as well." Little Mac shoved Falcon out of the way as Olimar got down to one knee. "I love you too! Let's get married!" Olimar exclaimed.

Wii Fit Trainer stared at Olimar in shock. "Absolutely not!" she shrieked. "Besides, I never sent you a love letter! I have no idea what you are talking about."

Captain Falcon breathed a sigh of relief as Olimar began arguing back. "You did too! I got a love letter signed by you earlier this afternoon. I got it right here!" Olimar pulled out the letter from his back pocket and passed it over to Wii Fit Trainer. Wii Fit Trainer began reading what was written on the letter.

"Um...Olimar, Wii is spelled W-i-i not W-e," Wii Fit Trainer said. "Not only that, this is some of the dirtiest crap I have ever seen written in my life. I can't even believe you'd think I'd write this stuff. Did you really think I wanted to shove you against the wall and give you an anal probing?"

"What?" Olimar exclaimed. "You mean you didn't..." He grabbed the letter back from Wii Fit Trainer. "You didn't want to do the Lazy Astronaut with me?"

"Of course not. That is outrageous. I'm flattered that you are interested in me, but I cannot return your feelings."

"No!" squealed Olimar. "I refuse to let this. You'll be my wife by the end of today. I've worked too hard for this to all be a lie." He signaled to Little Mac who nodded and shifted closer to Wii Fit Trainer, intent on making sure she had no way of leaving. "You leave me no choice my love. I'll have to start singing love songs until you love me." Olimar cleared his throat before he began singing. "I love you, you love me. We're a happy family..."

Captain Falcon cringed as he continued to listen to Olimar's singing. Wii Fit Trainer could only stare in shock as Olimar continued to sing. Even Little Mac was stunned speechless. "...With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. Won't you say you love me too." As everyone continued to try and comprehend what just happened, Olimar took a quick bow. "So, any other song requests?"

Captain Falcon had no choice. He looked at Wii Fit Trainer who was still in shock and hadn't moved an inch since Olimar began to sing. With one quick elbow, Falcon sent Olimar flying into the wall. "No more singing!" he growled.

Olimar leapt back from the wall. "How dare you! I have the voice of an angel! You have made the biggest mistake in your like interrupting my mating calls!" He motioned for Little Mac who nodded and delivered a swift punch to Captain Falcon before he react. As the two men began to jostle on the floor, Olimar noticed that Wii Fit Trainer was making a move. He pulled out his trusty purple Pikimin at the fitness instructor, knocking her out in one blow. "Hm...this would've been so much easier," Olimar acknowledged as he stared at the unconscious body. "I could've just kidnapped her from the start and made her listen to my singing until she loved me." He ignored Falcon and Little Mac and began to leave the scene. However, his way was blocked by Kirby. "What do you want?" he sneered.

Kirby took one look at Olimar and began to inhale, sucking the other fighter into the endless void that was his stomach. "Ahhhh!" Olimar squealed as he was sucked. Kirby then turned towards Falcon and Little Mac's fight. Little Mac was currently over Captain Falcon. Kirby fired Olimar into Little Mac, sending both fighters into the wall. Captain Falcon quikcly walked over to the two fallen fighters. "They are both unconscious," he declared. "Good job Kirby!" He then made his way to Wii Fit Trainer, who was still unconscious. "We better get them to Dr. Mario," he said to Kirby as he picked up Wii Fit Trainer. "Can you grab the other two?"

Kirby nodded as he inhaled Olimar and Little Mac. Kirby and Falcon slowly walked down to Dr. Mario's.

* * *

"Well, this is a present surprise," Dr. Mario remarked as Captain Falcon brought in Wii Fit Trainer. "It has been a while since you've visited my room, especially as a non-patient. What happened to Wii Fit Trainer?"

"Little Mac and I got into a little scuffle. Olimar knocked Wii Fit Trainer with one of his pikmin. Luckily, before Olimar could make off with the lady, Kirby came in and took them both out. Ah here he is now." Entering the hospital now was Kirby, who upon entry spat out Olimar and Little Mac onto the closest bed.

Dr. Mario placed a pill into Wii Fit Trainer's mouth. "That should do the trick." He then did a quick check-up on Little Mac and Olimar and fed them each a pill as well. "Ok, my work is done here. You guys can leave now. They'll be all healed up by tomorrow morning."

"I was thinking that I'd stay here and make sure Wii Fit Trainer is ok," Falcon said. "Is that alright?"

"Leave you alone with an unconscious female? Gee, I wonder what could go wrong." Dr. Mario rolled his eyes. "No, I want the two of you out of here. My patients need their rest."

"I won't do anything like that!" Falcon exclaimed. "Besides, you'll be in the room as well. Just for a few more minutes?"

Dr. Mario shook his head. "For your information, I was in the middle of something extremely important before you guys barged in. Look, I can guarantee that Wii Fit trainer will be fully healthy by tomorrow morning. I'll even tell her you were the one who brought her here and that you wanted to look after her alright? Will that make you happy?"

"I guess that would work," Falcon said. "Let's go Kirby. He motioned for the puffball to follow him out of the room. As they walked out and headed back to his room, Falcon suddenly clapped his hands. "Shoot, I completely forgot. We were suppose to go to our dance class today." Falcon looked at his watch. "Oh we are too late. The class is already over." He looked over at Kirby, who looked ready to cry. "Don't cry Kirby," he pleaded. "We'll stop by the cafeteria and get you some nice juicy watermelon!" Kirby squealed with delight as they made a quick detour for food before they went back.

Dr. Mario watched the pair leave the hospital. Once he was sure they were out and not coming back, he dashed back into his private room. "Time to continue grooming my mustache!" he yelled as he began to stroke his mustache.

* * *

The next morning...

"Where is everybody?" Falcon wondered aloud as he sat down with Kirby for breakfast. Usually, there'd be someone in the cafeteria who he could sit down and eat with. Today though there wasn't anyone around who Falcon felt comfortable eating with. There was Fox who was sitting in the corner and eating some cereal, but sitting right next to him was Falco. Captain Falcon had more than enough dealing with the duo to know not to sit anywhere close to them. Aside from those two, he didn't see his usual buddies. Roy and Link were both nowhere to be seen. Falcon hoped that both of them were too busy trying to get him a girlfriend, but it was also equally likely that they were both tired of dealing with him and wanted a break. Still either way, it was a little depressing that the only fighter he could dine with was Kirby. As he munched on his breakfast burrito, Falcon suddenly heard loud footsteps heading right to the cafeteria.

"Where is he?" Ganondorf's voice boomed as he rushed into the cafeteria. His eyes quickly glanced around the room until he found his target. "Captain Falcon!" he roared as he lunged forward and caught Falcon is his Flame Choke. "Last night you did not attend my dance class! Care to tell me why?"

"I-I-I can't breathe," Falcon rasped as he struggled for air. Ganondorf dropped him on the ground. As he sucked in some much needed oxygen, Falcon tried to reason with the King of Evil. "Last night I was on my way to your dance class when I happened upon a commotion between Wii Fit Trainer, Little Mac, and Olimar. Being the gentleman that I am, I went in to settle the dispute, but it went in a violent direction. All three of them were hurt in the aftermath and Kirby and I had no choice but to bring them all to Dr. Mario's office. By the time he was done treating them, it was already too late."

"That is unfortunate." Ganondorf cracked his knuckles. "Based off what I just heard, you just admitted that you prefer fighting over dancing. That is most disappointing."

"I was trying to stop the fight," Falcon insisted. "I really didn't want to fight. I really wanted to go to the dance class like I was supposed to. However, I had no choice. She was in a pinch."

"I see. So, what do I tell Lucina?" Ganondorf asked.

"Lucina?" Falcon was confused. "What about her?"

"You ditched your partner!" Ganondorf cried out. "I was forced to pair her up with Cloud for the night. How could you betray her like that! This is a sacred bond you have broken. Do you know I had to spend thirty minutes after class consoling poor Lucina? She was a complete wreck. Her self-esteem was ruined. Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"Oh..." Captain Falcon now felt bad. He had no idea he had done that to Lucina. He'd need to apologize to his partner later. "I had no idea I made Lucina suffer like that. I'll apologize to her later."

"You better." Ganondorf glared at Falcon. "I'll give you one more chance. You are lucky you are even getting this opportunity. If it weren't for Link, I'd stick my wizard's foot up your butt right about now." He then turned his attention to Kirby. He was about to give the puffball the scolding of his life. As Ganondorf prepared his tirade against Kirby, Kirby suddenly pulled out a purple lollipop. "A grape-flavored lollipop? That is my favorite!" He took a lick. "Oh Kirby, I can never stay mad at you." He gave Kirby a quick pat on the head and turned to leave. Right before he left, he turned back to Falcon. "I'm warning you. One last chance. You blow it and you can kiss your dancing aspirations good-bye!"

"Ugh..." Falcon groaned. He didn't like Ganondorf one bit, but he did need to learn how to dance. As he was about to start eating his breakfast again, Bayonetta took Ganon's place. "Miss me, baby?" she greeted the racer.

"Bayonetta," Falcon greeted back. "What can I do for you?" He was confused again. Did Link or someone convince her to talk with him? Maybe he had a shot with the hottie after all.

"Well, I just came down to thank you," she said. "That asshat Little Mac had been pestering me all the time ever since I first arrived at the Smash Mansion. I was going to teach him a lesson, but every time I tried to beat him down, he would just keep coming back. I think he was getting off from the pain. Luckily for me, you finally put that prick in his place."

"Technically that was Kirby," Falcon admitted as he scratched his head. Bayonetta gave Kirby a quick kiss. "Will there be one for me as well?" Falcon asked.

"Come here." Bayonetta beckoned him with her hand. Falcon slowly moved his lips words hers, puckering them up in anticipation. As he got closer, a giant heel suddenly came from above, sending up crashing down into the ground next to Bayonetta. "Maybe next time sweetie," she said as she turned to him and gave a quick wink before leaving the cafeteria.

"She turned back," Falcon weakly grinned. He gathered himself back and went back to his breakfast. Right as he was about to bite into his breakfast burrito, Wii Fit Trainer came to sit next to him. "Are you feeling better," Falcon asked.

Wii Fit Trainer nodded. "I'm feeling great. Thanks again last night. I didn't expect that creeper Olimar and Little Mac to corner me like that. I guess some men are like what my brother described."

"It was my pleasure. Someone was eventually going to put him in his place." Falcon took a bite of his burrito. "Pity that you got hurt though. I should've been more careful."

"It could have been worse. Listen, I was wondering whether you'd like to have lunch with me? As thank you for helping me out? Noon if that works for you?"

"I'd love to!" Falcon answered.

"Great. What about Kirby?" Wii Fit Trainer looked around for Kirby, but he had disappeared. Falcon's face fell. He had thought this was going to be a date. "Well, I don't see him. Guess it'll just be the two of us then." Wii Fit Trainer said. "Later."

"Yea, later" Falcon waved. He wolfed down the rest of his breakfast and went back to his room. He needed to pick out an outfit.

* * *

"Are you serious?" Link exclaimed. "Kirby are you sure? They are going to grab lunch together?" Link stomped the ground. "I have to go over there and stop it!"

Meanwhile...

"They are going to have lunch?" Roy asked.

Ness nodded. "See, my phony love letter plan worked.


End file.
